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To think being admitted to a psych ward is a major red flag?

(203 Posts)
JaffaMyCake Tue 06-Aug-13 18:34:26

Need some help on this one mnetters!

Friend is 'seeing' a man who has just told her he has recently been in hospital on a psychiatric ward. He hasn't/won't disclose the details of why and friend hasn't pushed on the matter.

AIBU to think this is a major red flag and tell her to steer clear?

Or is this discriminating against MH issues? I do realise they can affect anyone and are not always a signpost of abusive behaviour. Friend has no children involved.

meanderingalong Wed 07-Aug-13 14:00:38

I have MH issues and I see my CPN and consultant psych every month, though I've never been an inpatient (though I was given the option of being admitted on a voluntary basis but chose not to). My MH issues have definitely had an impact on my relationship with DH and I know that not everyone would have the patience to deal with my behaviour sometimes, so I recognise that for them it would be better to walk away. I'm not at all violent or verbally abusive but I can get very demotivated, struggle with some social situations, organisation and every day tasks.

I haven't worked for years because of it, although I get some DLA, but it means that he pays for almost everything. It means he has to pick up where I can't always pull my weight, and some people just want a fully equal partnership, with no stress or hassle. I am definitely hard work to be with sometimes, thankfully DH thinks it's worth it to be with me, but for someone who isn't emotionally invested yet and perhaps can't afford to pay for all the household expenses, I can see it would be easier to walk away.

EstelleGetty Wed 07-Aug-13 15:59:47

I had been seeing DH for 4 weeks or so when he told me he had bipolar disorder and had been hospitalised a few times because of it. I knew already that I wanted to be with him and it made no difference to me. I did tell my mum in confidence. She, as many others would have done, asked if I was sure I could handle it. It wasn't a mean or prejudiced question, she was looking out for me, as you are for your friend. DH would later tell me the hospitalisations were due to two suicide attempts. None of this 'scared me off.'

Fastforward 6 years, now we're married and I have been very ill at times with MH issues. Very ill. Between us, we've pushed through the bad times together and the good times are more than worth it.

I think you've had a tough time on this thread, OP, but I am so glad that so many posters have been able to open up about the realities of living with a mental illness, or someone you love having it.

DH is so much better now. He hasn't had to take meds in years and his manic/down phases are few and far between. I'm still struggling and have been suicidal at points over the past few years, but I feel that we have a real level of empathy with each other, and neither of us would want to be with anyone else. A MH diagnosis doesn't have to be a red flag at all, but of course it's different for everyone.

GreenSkittles Wed 07-Aug-13 18:17:43

My DM has severe mental health problems, she is on a voluntary section, and has been for more than a decade. I don't know if that gives me any credibility to speak on this, probably not!

But I absolutely would want to know what someones issues were, if I was considering being in a serious relationship with them. Mental health problems can take over not just the sufferer's life, but their loved one's too.

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