To think being admitted to a psych ward is a major red flag?

(203 Posts)
JaffaMyCake Tue 06-Aug-13 18:34:26

Need some help on this one mnetters!

Friend is 'seeing' a man who has just told her he has recently been in hospital on a psychiatric ward. He hasn't/won't disclose the details of why and friend hasn't pushed on the matter.

AIBU to think this is a major red flag and tell her to steer clear?

Or is this discriminating against MH issues? I do realise they can affect anyone and are not always a signpost of abusive behaviour. Friend has no children involved.

Coffeenowplease Tue 06-Aug-13 18:52:52

Cant believe so many people think its a red flag if he wont discuss it. Do all of you inform your prospective DPs of any physical medical problems e.g. gynae problems, cancer, other serious illnesses ?!

Why on earth should he have to discuss something so personal and private with a new partner ?

Whothefuckfarted Tue 06-Aug-13 18:53:38

The fact that he wont disclose the reasons why to her is what would worry me. But that's up to her.

If I was your friend I'd want to know.

WhoNickedMyName Tue 06-Aug-13 18:54:10

Of course it's a red flag. He won't disclose why. THAT is the red flag.

gatsby79 Tue 06-Aug-13 18:54:22

There are no children involved, only two consenting adults. And while I appreciate there are people with MH issues who can be violent, everyone I have known with. MH problems have only been a danger to themselves.

Coffeenowplease Tue 06-Aug-13 18:54:31

I find it very sad this sort of stigma is still so obvious.sad

aldiwhore Tue 06-Aug-13 18:54:31

Perhaps the only red flag is one that says "Take it slow"?

I hate all this red flag bollocks. My lovely ex boyfriend beat me up without needing any 'red flags' so I do wish people would fuck off already with all their red flag bullshit. It's real life not semaphore.

He's been open enough to say he's been recently been in hospital. Any normal person would why. Why does it make a difference that it's a psych unit? Your friend needs to know some details, because honesty is important. But it is not a 'red flag' or any other type of bloody flag in itself.

You cannot possibly advise her if you have such scant details.

You say your friend is 'seeing' him, in what context?

MariaLuna Tue 06-Aug-13 18:54:33

Oh, and by the way, no way people with mental health problems are always abusive.

A neighbour has been admitted to a psych ward - she kept herself very much to herself and was more timid mouse.

Coffeenowplease Tue 06-Aug-13 18:55:32

He wont disclose why is NOT a red flag on its own !

hardboiledpossum Tue 06-Aug-13 18:55:36

Moxiegirl but there are certain things that will get you immediately admitted on to a psych ward, such as admitting a plan t seriously hurt or kill yourself. I wouldn't see it as a red flag.

racingheart Tue 06-Aug-13 18:57:24

In a new relationship, you might not disclose why you'd been in any other ward either. If it were something that is a sensitive issue, it makes sense to get to know someone and work out whether you can trust them and if you want them to have such information about you before you give it.

Hummuschocolate Tue 06-Aug-13 18:57:29

Perhaps she should take it slow and perhaps you should keep an eye on her and be there for her if she needs to talk etc. But those are all things that would happen in a new relationship anyway.

Hopefully the fact that he has been in a psychiatric unit means he has sought and received the help he needs.

Moxiegirl Tue 06-Aug-13 18:57:46

I'm coming from more of a potentially difficult relationship than a violent one point of view, but I'm probably biased due to my xh and dd.

Sirzy Tue 06-Aug-13 18:58:35

Why Should he disclose?

He has made her aware that their is an issue but he doesn't want to go into more details. That's no different from someone saying they are undergoing some investigations but keeping the reasons to themselves.

Surely he is allowed some privacy?

How did she find out he'd been admitted? I've been in a psych ward & only volunteer that information if I'm prepared to discuss it. Maybe he's not refusing to discuss it at all, just not yet, the OP doesn't say. When I was released I still had a long way to go before I was fully recovered, and unless the OP's friend knows more detail she can't really help his recovery.

FirstStopCafe Tue 06-Aug-13 19:01:16

Yes it's discriminatory. He has already told her about his admission. I'm sure if their relationship develops and he gets to know and trust her more he will tell her the reasons. As this thread shows there is so much stigma about mental illness. I don't blame him for not revealing all the details straight away

gordyslovesheep Tue 06-Aug-13 19:01:51

My sister has mental health issues - she has never posed a threat to my children or her step son so yes everyone IS different hmm Mental Illness covers lots of different things you know!

Arnie123 Tue 06-Aug-13 19:02:27

There is a lovely thread on here at the moment titled To Tell You I Have a Mental Illness written to tackle mh stigma and discrimination. And now this....

gordyslovesheep Tue 06-Aug-13 19:02:38

and maybe he was right not to tell her since she blabbed it to you and you chose to post it on the WWW!

But if someone told me they'd spent time on any ward I'd ask why, not just because it was a psych ward.

Sirzy Tue 06-Aug-13 19:03:34

The other thing is he might be scared of how she will react so only disclosing things slowly - at least that way he hasn't poured his heart out, trusted someone for them to then run a mile.

This way he may feel like he is keeping control of the situation more and if she walks away at the point of knowing he is ill he hasn't put his whole history out there for no reason.

gatsby79 Tue 06-Aug-13 19:05:29

I am pregnant right now, and biolar to boot! No one seems particularly concerned about my potential red flag status. Should the midwife be checking I'm not a dangerous person? Mental health issues do not necessarily mean a person is an unsuitable partner, or mother for that matter.

Naoko Tue 06-Aug-13 19:05:44

I hope my lovely friend from secondary school, who spent six months in a psych ward when she was only 16, never meets someone who holds that against her as a red flag. She wasn't a danger to anyone but herself, and that was why she was there. And she doesn't like to talk about it now until she knows and trusts someone - why should she?!

JaffaMyCake Tue 06-Aug-13 19:06:07

Just to clarify I didn't say she should stop seeing him, it was more of a 'hmmm be careful' as I have literally no experience in this sort of thing so came on mumsnet to see if I'm being hasty in forming an opinion.

He said he'd been 'admitted' does that mean sectioned?

PrettyKitty1986 Tue 06-Aug-13 19:06:50

Your friend is an adult and does not need to be 'told' anything. Obviously, yes, it is discriminatory.

However, if this were me, then it's not a situation I would get involved it and yes, rightly or wrongly, that sort of admission would be a huge red flag to me.

Sirzy Tue 06-Aug-13 19:07:09

No it means he had been admitted to hospital.

it is clear you have no experience, but please see from this thread that mental health covers such a wide spectrum and really isnt something to be scared of.

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