WIBU (or just v childish) to do this? - wedding and dysfunctional family

(34 Posts)
YoungGirlGrowingOld Tue 06-Aug-13 16:57:41

Regular-ish poster, have namechanged because this will out me.

I have just got engaged to a lovely man after MANY years of singledom, a couple of doomed relationships with dodgy men and a very serious illness. He is kind, funny and although we have had a few bumps in the road, it feels 100% perfect and we are both chuffed as nuts :-)

I am not exactly in the first flush of youth and this is a first marriage for both of us. A few years ago I fell out badly with a member of my family on my mum's side. My granddad was dying of cancer, and my uncle made some nasty remark to the family (not including me) to the effect of "Who on earth is going to want YoungGirlGrowingOld - just look at her - she'll end up unmarried and alone just like her crazy mother". My granddad (bless him) tried to say that he thought that was awful and he was wrong, but this was met with more derogatory remarks about me from charming uncle. The thought of granddad hearing all that just before he died makes me feel a bit sick. (I may be being over-sensitive though).

I am not normally confrontational but I pulled my uncle up on his comments as soon as I found out. I was recovering from major surgery at the time so was not at my best either physically or emotionally. He made various threatening remarks ("You dont want to make an enemy out of me, you don't know who you are dealing with, etc") He then rang my my mum to complain about the particular word I used to describe him blush (DM was not very supportive of me, but that's a whole other AIBU...) Part of me is scared that people at my wedding will think the same - what's he doing with her? etc - and I hate that his nasty remarks still affect me years later and that I will inevitably worry about this on my long-awaited wedding day.

WIBU to send him an engagement announcement or a picture from my wedding? With a suitable rude message?? Or is this just childishness and stooping to his level? Would he simply construe it as mischief-making? Part of me really wants to prove that he was wrong about me (and granddad was right!) but most people in RL are of the "forget it and move on" persuasion.

Over to you MN jury..... wink

Leeds2 Tue 06-Aug-13 19:28:06

Congratulations on your engagement and wedding!

As for your uncle, he will hear all about it from family. Leave it at that.

MrsKoala Tue 06-Aug-13 19:31:10

Living well is the best revenge.

Congratulations and enjoy your day without giving his nasty, spiteful, misogynistic and vindictive comments a second thought. Every time a thought creeps in banish it with a lovely, beautiful, happy thought. (i always have some prepared for emergencies smile )

KeatsiePie Tue 06-Aug-13 19:42:17

Goodness, don't do it! Aside from rising above, you'll open yourself up to a world of stress while you are unusually busy trying to plan a wedding. You do not want concerns over money/venue/guest list compounded by an incoming stream of weird semi-threats or mean comments.

And hey congratulations!!

YoungGirlGrowingOld Wed 07-Aug-13 08:20:56

Thanks - this is pretty unanimous grin

FWIW - he probably won't find out from other family because I have cut all ties, even indirect ones. Uncle Twat does not even speak to my DM any more because of my choice of words. Obviously, she blames me! Presumably it's fine to make cruel remarks about someone behind their back, but not to confront them about it hmm

And YY to the person upthread who said this was misogynistic - I think that's precisely why I am still so upset and angry. He obviously thinks that the worst thing a woman can be is unattractive to men angry

Thanks for the congrats and advice - I am turning into one of those bridezilla women who Google wedding venues for hours. Ah well, looking forward to the AIBU thread when I make some egregious error over the invitations! thanks

bluestar2 Wed 07-Aug-13 08:56:37

He doesn't warrant acknowledgement of any kind. Say nothing send nothing. Be happy.

I would go with zzzz's idea and would visit your grandad and tell him and how happy you are.

Congratulations and have a wonderful wedding and marriage

facedontfit Wed 07-Aug-13 10:00:44

Congratulations YoungGirl.

Invite the people you want at your wedding, they will be delighted to see you so happy after coming through a rough time.

Do not waste one more thought on your uncle twat.

Have a fabulous wedding and future.

oldgrandmama Wed 07-Aug-13 10:55:40

Write out various versions of what you'd like to tell the vile git, both before, during and after your wedding. Edit and refine the vitriol until you've struck the perfect note. Enjoy your fantastic final letter - THAT'LL tell him. Then ... when you've had a chuckle, tear it up! Forget him, he's not worth another thought. And have a lovely wedding and a great life.

Mia4 Wed 07-Aug-13 20:52:02

Use hitched for wedding venue looking OP, register then you can request e-booklets- easy smile

CrapBag Wed 07-Aug-13 21:17:58

YANBU for wanting to but doing so would just show him that his words really got to you and you still think about it years later.

He is a twat and you are so much better to not have him in your life. Good on your granddad for sticking up for you and good on you for telling him what you thought at the time. Ignore what your mum thinks about it, why shouldn't you have defended yourself.

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