to ask why is it frowned upon to remember things some posters' say

(213 Posts)
fluckered Tue 06-Aug-13 14:02:24

without actually doing a search, why is it not ok to perhaps ask a poster who previously posted for example "I have twin boys both starting school son" who then asks for advice on how to adopt for example as they don't have children .... "hang on a second, I thought you said last week you have twin boys". why is this frowned upon? people are accused of doing advanced searches when some people actually have a good memory or remember a thread as it resounded more for them than others ... and are asked "eh, what has that to do with this thread". am genuinely asking. wouldn't be for someone following a poster around and tearing shite out of everything they post ... but why cant a poster's posting history be questioned if there are obvious inconsistencies?!

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 14:57:04

grin frigging, yes that's probably why.

There is one disadvantage to being her so long under the same name though. My opinions on lots of things have changed over the years as I have become less naive and more realistic matured, and I'm sure I could be caught out badly on the contradiction bits if anyone had a couple of years spare to trawl through my older posts blush

musicmadness Tue 06-Aug-13 14:57:44

I suppose the other thing is if someone recalls something about a poster from a different thread, then that information is posted on another thread with details about something else it could easily out poster because there is loads of information about them in one place.

I'm fairly sure if someone tracked through every post I've made anyone who knew me would recognise me but they would be unlikely to from any single thread.

Also small inconsistencies like age/gender of children could easily have been edited for privacy reasons if it wasn't an important factor in whatever was being posted about.

I'm another one who is quite impressed some of you can remember what people have posted before tbh, I definitely can't 99.9% of the time.

aturtlenamedmack Tue 06-Aug-13 14:59:18

I'm not sure what the official stance is but my feelings on it are that if someone is posting on this forum, it's usually for advice and support and I don't think 'catching someone out' for being unthruthful is very conducive to providing this for them.
There is such a wide variety of people on here, many with very difficult lives and there could be a massive number of reasons why someone might be inconsistent or lie or exaggerate.
One of these reasons could be that they are struggling to accept their situation, although there are a million others.
I don't feel that rounding on a poster and accusing them of being deciteful shows much compassion and I feel that if there are genuine concerns for the wellbeing of the op there are better ways of handling it than 'outing' them.

navada Tue 06-Aug-13 15:00:10

Okay Friggin - how do I do it? grin

& can you believe I just attempted it!

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 15:02:19

I mostly remember when the poster has been the op of a dramatic thread, with lots of twists and turns.

Or has been particularly vitriolic about something and then come back with an opposite point of view.

Mostly I have no idea who is posting what. And if the thread was a normal advice-seeking or chatty thread it wouldn't occur to me to question it. Just sometimes a poster does something a bit bizarre, and that name then sticks in my head.

FrigginRexManningDay Tue 06-Aug-13 15:04:05

I just told you not to.
Did you feel a bit stupid with your arm bent up and your tongue waving out the side of your mouth?
Unless you have a long tongue and/or really short upper arms its not possible.

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 06-Aug-13 15:12:02

Hullo all,

This is one of those sticky issues that depends a lot on context. It's not against our guidelines to bring up posts from other threads, though we would generally encourage folks to try and take people at face value.

Having said that, it's inevitable that you will, in the course of MNing, remember things about certain posters, and feel it pertinent to involve these things in the current discussion.

We feel, that as long as it's done when relevant, and in a polite and constructive manner, that it's ok.

It only becomes an issue when past posts are used to attack or accuse the OP of being false. In these instances, they'd come under our guidelines, and we'd delete them.

countrymummy13 Tue 06-Aug-13 15:15:36

Or, here's an idea. You could get a life and stop concerning yourself with the minutiae of stranger's lives.

navada Tue 06-Aug-13 15:17:15

You did tell me not to & I still did it - you obviously had a profound effect on me & I shall remember you for ever. Ha.

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 15:18:19

Bloody hell, if this thread is a follow on to the dress for my mother thread which I've just seen, that's an entirely different kettle of fish.

That isn't "remembering the odd fact from a previous thread". That is "advance searching and going through previous posts with a toothpick to try and tear someone to pieces".

Not the same thing at all.

navada Tue 06-Aug-13 15:20:01

Extremely embarrassing Xposts.
I was replying to Friggin.

MrsLettuce Tue 06-Aug-13 15:20:22

what we're supposed to do is report and cite the inconsistencies noticed, IIRC. Is hard sometimes though - I also tend to remember all sorts of random things for no reason at all.

WRT the name change thing - posts pre name change stay as the name they were posted in. Also PMs in an ongoing correspondence are labled as from whatever name the correspondence was started in, from to protect privacy. So, say I send a PM now, then immediately NC to MrsTomato but carrry on the correspondence all the PMs in the correspondence I started as Lettuce will still be from Lettuce even though I may be posting left, right and center as Tomato.

MrsLettuce Tue 06-Aug-13 15:20:59

x posts (many)

Hassled Tue 06-Aug-13 15:22:35

I do like "you were shot with a ball of your own shite" grin

I have a lousy memory and can't remember names, let alone whether they previously said they had a pet unicorn and 3 DDs, and now have a dodo and 4 DSs. But do I think some people change details quite deliberately, but not for any trolling/malice, just so that they remain anonymous and are less outable, and that's fair enough.

I frequently remember stuff about posters because I have an excellent memory for stuff I read (as opposed to being shite at remembering stuff I'm being told grin).

I just don't bother posting about it very often.

I have been deleted in the past for saying that something was clearly bollocks. So I am a good girl now, I say nothing Not a bloody word.
Which is why I have half the sodding board hidden grin

MaryZ where have you been? I havent seen you for aaaaggges

How dare you have a RL?

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 15:30:48

The kids are on holidays Tantrums. And being remarkably well-behaved.

<crosses fingers and thumbs and everything else, for fear of tempting fate>

I tend to be on here a lot as a displacement activity when life is shite. So me not being here is a good thing grin

DameDeepRedBetty Tue 06-Aug-13 15:31:34

If you spend a worrying large amount of time on MN (which I'm guilty of) yes of course you start to notice other regular posters and pick up on the broad sweep of the story of their lives. Especially those who often post in some of the smaller areas of the site.

So when a poster who's talked fairly frankly in the recent past about issues to do with her marriage and financial position starts a thread which ignores these serious issues, issues which would make the scenario she's describing in her current thread impossible, I find it worrying. Either she's been exaggerating problems in the past, or she's airbrushing problems in the present.

Well thats good then MaryZ, long ,may it continue eh? grin

I could happily put mine in the attic for the rest of the holidays. But its not allowed apparently.

kim147 Tue 06-Aug-13 15:36:21

There's one particular poster who I really want to bring something up about from her previous posts in some of her current posts as there is a massive irony in what she believes.

But I can't.

I've had things I've said used against me before. People have long memories.

I'm with you op. it's one thing to alter some details, but when you are giving advice, that you demand insist be taken, you better be talking from a position of knowledge.

If it's shit stirring bollocks, then big off. I too have a photographic memory. People don't like it.

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 15:38:47

I love the holidays Tantrums. ds1 has been off since mid-May and dd since May 29th (both are doing a few days work here and there). ds2 has been off since mid-June. None of them go back until September, so we have rolling mealtimes, midnight feasts and long lie-ins. It's great. The benefits of teenagers.

RedBetty, there is a difference between being concerned for someone and picking them to pieces.

Gunznroses Tue 06-Aug-13 15:39:35

..also some posters tend to stay on specific topics so its always the same people debating the same subject, you gradually start to have a profile of each poster and their leanings.

Ficklefrancis Tue 06-Aug-13 15:39:44

My memory is terrible.....what were you talking about again?

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 06-Aug-13 15:46:42

DameDeepRedBetty

If you spend a worrying large amount of time on MN (which I'm guilty of) yes of course you start to notice other regular posters and pick up on the broad sweep of the story of their lives. Especially those who often post in some of the smaller areas of the site.

So when a poster who's talked fairly frankly in the recent past about issues to do with her marriage and financial position starts a thread which ignores these serious issues, issues which would make the scenario she's describing in her current thread impossible, I find it worrying. Either she's been exaggerating problems in the past, or she's airbrushing problems in the present.

Nothing wrong with large amounts of time on MN wink

We think that it's fine to mention previous situations, if it done with intention of helping the OP. We might have an issue if it was done in a way that was accusatory to the OP.

For example, say I had posted saying that I'd had an allergic reaction to kitkats, and you'd given me loads of helpful advice about how to avoid kitkats in the future. If I were then to started thread saying "AIBU to eat this massive kitkat for my lunch", you'd be quite within your rights to say, "hang on KateS, seeing as you had a nasty reaction to a kitkat recently, it might be best to give it a miss". However, it wouldn't be ok to say "God, you know that's going to kill you - you're either lying about your allergy or are desperate for attention you silly cow". In the latter example, my posting history has been used to attack me, and infer that I am making stuff up (troll hunting).

Does that make sense?

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