to think that a lot (but not all) "Gentle Parenting" FB pages are full of sneery nobbers?

[Fourwillies]

Inspired by a post by MrsDeVere, and the fact that I have just removed myself from FOUR of these pages, I'm reaching the conclusion that despite the high ideals, there are a lot of judgemental sneery fuckers on these pages, clueless about anything beyond their own nose.

[and relax]

[CocacolaMum]

What the hell is "Gentle Parenting"?!

[Fourwillies]

Have a search on Facebook - at your peril!!!

[CocacolaMum]

Umm ok. When are parents (not just mums but tbh we seem to be more guilty) going to just put their hands up and admit that extreme ideals of parenting are ridiculous and almost never about the child? That actually whatever gets you through the day and ideally ends with a hug at bedtime rather than you crying from frustration at another day spent feeling like you are speaking to a brick wall is pretty fucking good parenting??

[SnoopySnoopyDoggDogg]

Although I suspect you will get told otherwise, you're right in the most part. I've been a member of a few but have left as I found them very "them & us" and extremely sneery in a manner disguised as "concern" or other thinly veiled twattery.

Shame though as there are also some lovely supportive sites out there.

[SnoopySnoopyDoggDogg]

cocacolamum I think you've said it well, extreme parenting is too often about the parents ideals, the children couldn't give two stuffs as long as they are loved and fed.

[Fourwillies]

Yes yes.

[MalcolmTuckersMum]

Who even knew this stuff existed?

And to save me going right off on one - absolutely what CocaColaMum said. Read that and then read it again. When you've done that dump all the FB bollocks unless you particularly enjoy torturing yourself every hour of every day when your situation and decisions don't quite match the made up buggering nonsense on these pages.

[petuniapickletits]

snoopy.. 'extreme parenting'?

im on a few local natural parenting pages and have yet to feel 'them and us' or snobbery about it.

I have friends who parent differently but are just as devoted to their children, and we are all great parents. We just have different parenting techniques.

[Fourwillies]

I've lost my rag this morning be ause I posted looking for things to do over the holidays with my 3, the eldest of which is 4, plus 2 year old twins. One reply was "why not take them swimming?" Apart from the obvious ratio rules, I asked how did that work - getting three undressed/dressed plus myself, and then getting into the baby pool. And was told that my children should have confidence in the water by now so long as they're in their own depth and all it took was my own confidence in my abilities as a "mamma" (ugh!) and they would be fine.

Yeah. Right.

Our local pool does have a very good baby bit which is ankle deep, but it doesn't make the whole episode any less dangerous - regardless of my confidence as a mamma.

[Fourwillies]

Petuniapickletits if you've never felt it, then you probably confirm to their ideals closer than I can.
I didn't use cloth nappies - I discussed it with my local council who do an excellent cloth nappy scheme but said I had 3 in nappies and the lady there said "save the planet another day, love!"

That sort of thing...

[RandallPinkFloyd]

Oh, know I shouldn't laugh but that priceless!

[DoctorRobert]

YANBU. I have a few AP style pages on my FB, and the posts on there can be extremely sanctimonious. I keep meaning to unlike them all so they don't keep appearing on my feed actually.

[pianodoodle]

How do people manage to make such a conscious choice about stuff like that? What exactly does an "attachment" parent do and is there any way of opting out?!

I can't even go for a piss without DD (25 mnths) standing beside me providing a running commentary.

Am I an attachment parent? Or just harrassed?

I've tried hiding at the bottom of the garden but they always bloody find you!

[SmiteYouWithThunderbolts]

I unliked a huge number of such pages because of the nobbishness. I'm on board with most of the AP stuff, but the minute they start about anti-vaccination stuff, I have to walk away.

YANBU.

[RobotHamster]

I thought all the FB parenting pages were OTT like this? Though I have to confess, I'd never heard of 'gentle parenting' before.

[RedbreastRobin]

Fourwillies - have you got something else going on? Why would you get so het up about that?

[filee777]

Its not just the facebook pages, there are wnole forums full of the twats. Bleating on about what angels they are for staying in the bedroom with a violent and agressive tired toddler kicking and biting them because somehow that is nore 'gentle' than leaving them alone for five minutes to fall asleep. No, we must stay with them every second despite the fact it means they don't get a decent nifhts sleep and spend all day miserable.

To be honest some of thr most pathetic parenting I have ever reac avout has been on 'gentle parenting' forums and I've seen some shocking things too, like parents 'talking through' an issue with a child who clearly wants to be left alone to the point of bullying, or children getting a tiny cob on and saying thry 'want to stay in the car' rather than go to the park with frie ds and instead of bring told to snap out od it, being pandered to until it turns into a control battle and eventually chikd goes home feeling guilty and hurt.

People don't seem to realise that you don't parent a generic kid in a book, you parent your own kid and they are all different. This 'one size fits all' parenting novel bullshit annoys me endlessly

[RobotHamster]

Sounds more like non parenting to me

[PoppyAmex]

"When are parents (not just mums but tbh we seem to be more guilty) going to just put their hands up and admit that extreme ideals of parenting are ridiculous and almost never about the child? That actually whatever gets you through the day and ideally ends with a hug at bedtime rather than you crying from frustration at another day spent feeling like you are speaking to a brick wall is pretty fucking good parenting??"

Had to paste this, as it's such a good post - I totally agree, CocacolaMum.

[MalcolmTuckersMum]

RedBreast - why would she get so upset about what? You already sound like 'one of them' tbh so I'm dying to see your next move

[CabbageLooking]

HAHAHAHA! And yes, completely agree. These pages are generally dominated by people with an agenda who want to force it upon you. FWIW my understanding of attachment parenting in its most basic form is "being nice to your child". Which is fine. Other people appear to interpret it as "sacrifice all your own needs on the altar of The Child. If you are having enough sleep; eating properly or managing to hold an occasional adult conversation then you are clearly a Bad and Neglectful Parent". Grrrr.

[HoleyGhost]

There is sometimes a fine line between attachment parenting and martyrdom.

Parental sacrifice is not necessarily in a child's interest

[CabbageLooking]

Oh and I can not abide people who refer to "Mamas".

[PoppyAmex]

"Fourwillies - have you got something else going on? Why would you get so het up about that?"

Well, for starters OP got terrible advice on water safety with babies; "trusting your abilities as a mamma" to supervise 3 babies in a pool...

That's hardly an example of stellar parenting.