aibu ? bottle if juice.(72 Posts)
Preparing to be flamed by the 'I did it and my kids survived' brigade here.
DH is an awesome fun dad ..but sometimes he really lacksa bit Iif common sense imo.
We choose to parent a certain way and are happy to admit we probably give off a pfb vibe sometimes.
DD was bf for 16 months when my milk dried up for various reasons.
She enjoys warm milk in a bottle, before bed. This us somthing we are making a conscious effort to discourage now she's older (the bottle not the milk)
Came home from work to find he'd given her pure orange juice in her bottle before bed as he'd ran out of milk. I wasn't impressed and put my point across.
1. we are supposed to be ditching the bottle. .no milk? no bottle!
2. Hello. ..juice swishing around her teeth before bed, shes hardly enthusiastic about cleaning her teeth anyways!
3. She CAN drink from open cups..sippy cups...straw cups.
4. Pure orange juice? at least water it down!!!
5. its a personal pet hate squash/juice in bottles.
OH thinks im being unreasonable. It transpires his mother told him to do it (no surprise. .his family give nephew cups of tea ..hes three. it disgusts me)
am I? surly he's just stupid.
Wow..everyone's getting quite hot on this one.
Definitely didn't get mad with OH ..we don't get cross with each other like that and this is very trivial but somthing I felt strongly enough about to need say somthing at the time .. (and to previous poster Re The fruit shoots. .that time really did annoy me!)
MIL is a gem but set in her ways and likes to suggest things to DH that she is aware wouldn't sit well with me, this clouds DH judgement as understandably we have discussed things between us but an outside opinion will always make you doubt yourself.
Also..the stupid comment was light hearted. what meant was...is this a general lack of common sense and lack in judgment or aibu..clearly a mixed judgment on that one!
Considering the amount of helpful advice about getting a grip, I would just like to reiterate that I am well aware this is trivial, I did not threaten to leave him..yell at him or anything else unreasonable like that..I have seen much worse boring and trivial threads grace the AIBU boards ...!
Wow! Just Wow!
Who would have thought that a thread about juice in a bottle would get so much reaction!
OP, yabu to think that your DH is stupid for putting juice in the bottle. Given that there was no milk, what would YOU have given your DC? Does he/ she drink water? and would they have been happy with that?
As for a cup of tea for a 3 yo, I really can't take your comment about it being "disgusting" seriously, tbh.
The so called myth about there being more caffeine in tea than coffee is to do with weight. There is more caffeine in a kg of tea than a kg of coffee, but coffee weighs far more than tea. There is a lot less caffeine in a cup of tea than there is in a cup of coffee.
*no one said they give him decaff - and it's still got the tannins in.
It is not recommended to give children tea at all*
that is not what the Public health authority say.
kids teeth will not rot from one flaming bottle of juice
kids will teeth rot from drinking juice and coke etc all day long
no one said they give him decaff - and it's still got the tannins in.
It is not recommended to give children tea at all.
his family give nephew cups of tea ..hes three. it disgusts me
Why? decaffeinated tea is a good drink , packed with anti-oxidants. so long as it isn;t given at meal times when it might impede the absorption of some nutrients, it is fine.Unhoik those pants!!
The OP immediately lost the fight when she started wildly exaggerating the point.
Just ftr OP, YABU does not equal us all saying you are silly for not wanting your DD's teeth to fall out, and it also does not mean we think you are insane.
This is really a very silly thing to get so upset about. Pick your battles. And respect your DH's choices and the fact that his mother gives him advice. There's honestly nothing wrong with that.
"My DH wouldn't have given the juice in a bottle because by 16 months he knew what he was doing with the kids, having been allowed an equal parenting role."
THEY had a plan - which means that in theory, he also should be able to work out for himself what to do if he couldn't follow it.
So, MIL (produced/raised an adult fit enough for you to marry and procreate with) can do no wrong <eye roll>, but you (with a 2yo child) can actually do no wrong <no eye roll>.
Wonder if you will remember this when you are a MIL.
I can see how you might say to DH, no sweet fluids in a bottle, we have all learned a lot about dental health since you and I were babies. But then I am not a fan of sweet fluids full stop, and have seen a lot of kids with acid decay on their teeth and no appetite from having fruit juice as a regular drink. I think milky tea is far better- any trivial effect on iron levels and a tiny bit of caffeine is outweighed by the lack of sugars and acid.
But really, if you are gong pfb, surely the only acceptable drinks are water and milk? Anything else is a compromise, diluted fruit juice in a cup isn't really any better than what he did.
Life being what it is, most of us do compromise and do things that are not perfect.
YANBU to not want her to have juice in a bottle, especially at bedtime (for the reasons you've given)
But how did you react? If you ranted at him and am out that he'd harmed your dd then that was bu.
Why would his dm have advised that? I think when weaning off a bottle some ppl advice giving water in the bottle or watering it down a bit. Perhaps he was trying that sort of approach. A one off it wouldn't bother me. But obviously as a regualr thing it's very likely to lead to a habit and a dental problem.
You and dh need to work together really. There are so many more things to be
arguing about discussing in the future.
'Her and her dh have a plan' - you simply cannot plan for every eventuality with a child. I can't believe that they had a 'ran out of milk' plan. The problem with making your other half follow a 'plan' is they then have no clue how to think for themselves if something outside of the 'plan' happens.
My DH wouldn't have given the juice in a bottle because by 16 months he knew what he was doing with the kids, having been allowed an equal parenting role. If he HAD given the juice I wouldn't be bitching about it on Mumsnet and calling him stupid, I'd have just pointed out that I didn't think juice in a bottle was good for their teeth. No big drama...
ll31 - because OP said she's got a track record of giving stupid advice/raising children in a way that doesn't fit her own ideals.
JenaiMorris - no, it's about wanting what's best for the child.
she and her dh have a plan, and he decided to overrule it without discussion, when it wasn't necessary and was something that could harm the child's teeth.
I don't see why it's such a problem that she's annoyed with her dh for doing something that wasn't even unthinking- it was consulting his mu, when surely he could have consulted OP in the same amount of time?
as i said a post ago, I wouldn't follow a lot of my own mother's daft ideas about children.
What on earth is wrong with a cup of tea that's more milk than tea anyway, and has only been briefly introduced to a teabag? You seriously don't absorb as much caffeine from tea, especially given the weakness that our family drink it in. I can't see many people giving a cup of builders brew to a 3yo, it's generally milk with a bit of warmth and colour....
Personally, I'd have been furious about the 2 fruit shoots - there's way more documented evidence about the harm that sweeteners do than a bit of tea or orange juice. But that's just me, each to their own.
But why do you say the guy shouldn't ask his mother for advice? Seems strange attitude tbh
ll31 - my mum managed to get me to adulthood, but I wouldn't raise a child her way.
At 2 a bit of orange juice is fine but probably not great in a bottle for bed time, but then imo a 2 year old shouldn't be having a bottle at bedtime anyway (I know weaning them off it can be hard though) and I agree with you about tea, as a rare treat for a 5/6 year old child i think milky teas ok for dunking biscuits in but not too often and 3 I think is too young, I wouldn't go as far as calling it disgusting though.
I think you might be over re-acting a bit and being unfair to your dh though, lots of parents ask their parents for advice and you won't always agree with MILs advice (my MIL and I often disagree too), it doesn't mean dh is stupid to take her advice though.
"We choose to ..." "...I'm annoyed with DP's choice..."
So YABU. Deal with your communication issues, and actually make choices as parents.
Think you are misinformed about the harm of tea. The way children have it is usually not much more than diluted milk. Do you always have your juice /squash from glass rather than toxic plastic? are dds cups and bottles coloured plastic and her straws??? Chemicals are overused in production of juice (which still has the skin on) do you have organic milk from glass bottles? If not I think you are being vu for thinking tea is bad for your dd. sorry.
malcolm .. You need a can of air duster. It is a pressurised can of air that blasts away crumbs and dust from IT equipment.
Check out your local IT business, they will have them! About £2.
As a dentist I would like to say you are absolutely right! Juice In a bottle (especially before bed) is really awful and I see the results in my surgery every day. Fair enough if he doesn't do it again but please let him know it really is not okay as a regular thing. Even milk isn't great before bed in a bottle, but it is difficult if they're used to it (mine was to be fair). Its all very well for people to say get over it, but it really is something to avoid! Tea I do avoid with mine because of the iron but I wouldn't say it's 'disgusting' as it is quite common.
Well, in fairness, your original post screamed patronising; the way you listed all the ways in which he had fucked up by giving her juice and even included a 'hello??' for good measure.
Juice in a bottle ISN'T great, of course it's not. But it's hardly worth calling your other half 'stupid' over. Perhaps if you let him be more than 'awesome fun dad' he'd step up and be 'responsible common sense dad' too.
It's a MIL thing isn't it OP?
Piss up your Husband's leg next time she visits
That'll teach her to give him advice when he asks for it
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