Feeling dumped AIBU

(15 Posts)
Mooycow Fri 02-Aug-13 16:48:51

My DD 22YRS has just lost her DBF after a horrific accident. 2 months ago.We are all really proud of her in that she has coped really well (not lying in bed crying all day as i would have done)
She was really tearful the other day and we were sitting down discussing how she was doing really well, when i noticed she was picking her toe nail, so i suggested we go get a pedicure to cheer her up,.Off we trotted, £60 and 3/4 hour later, four feet looking lovely.
As we were leaving the shop she stated a friend has just text her to meet up for a coffee, did i mind if she went. I said no obv, but as i was driving home alone i felt really dumped ? AIUB

NotYoMomma Fri 02-Aug-13 16:53:40

well she did ask and didnt just go

her other friend might need support

and you now have beautiful feet

chin up Mum, she knows youre there for her

UnexpectedStepmum Fri 02-Aug-13 16:53:41

Well yes, you are a bit. She is young and suffering a very recent bereavement, she needs support. You have done a really nice thing in treating her like that, and it will have made her feel cared about by her lovely mum. But her relationship with her friend will be different, she will be able to talk about things in a different way and get a different type of support. Let her go with what she feels is right for her. And go and flaunt your beautifully buffed tootsies in a nice park with a large ice cream as a treat for being a great mum.

Admiraltea Fri 02-Aug-13 16:55:38

I am not going to flame you for feeling abandoned as I think you are probably all in some form of shock at the accident.

I do think you may benefit from reading up on bereavement and the various stages of grief as it may well be that your daughter has not yet even begun to process her loss.

I think your gesture was lovely and you definitely did the right thing letting her go for coffee. I think you need to look for support for yourself as well as you support her through the next period of time...try the bereavement threads on here...they are really lovely people.

Mooycow Fri 02-Aug-13 16:58:03

Thank you so much for the lovely comments i needed that sad

moogy1a Fri 02-Aug-13 16:58:16

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EvieanneVolvic Fri 02-Aug-13 16:59:54

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moogy1a Fri 02-Aug-13 17:00:00

Sorry, I thought you'd told her you felt dumped! I wouldn't be upset, she needs all her favourite people at the moment

EvieanneVolvic Fri 02-Aug-13 17:01:10

That's different then, Moogy, sorry I rushed to judge! blush

Admiraltea Fri 02-Aug-13 17:02:35

Mooycow...AIBU is maybe not a great place for this thread...you may ask MN for where they think it might be better sited...

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Fri 02-Aug-13 17:07:06

No one in this is being unreasonable at all.
Grief is a tough thing to go through.
The fact she felt able to ask you means she realises how much you love her, and shows how comfortable she is with you. In my opinion it means you have a great relationship.
Is it possible that she thought turning down her friends offer would alienate her?
It sounds like a treat with Mum and a coffee with a good friend is just what she needed - to know how many people care for her.

You are doing a fantastic job of being a supportive and loving mum, keep doing what you are doing!

Secretswitch Fri 02-Aug-13 17:11:42

Mooycow, my dd(age14) was present at the Boston Marathon bombings. She was absolutely fine but witnessed people with limbs blown off and had to walk through blood to get out of the area. It was horrific. We have been working with a grief and trauma therapist to help her cope. One of the things that we were told was to follow her cues. I'm guessing she had a lovely day with you. Her freind's invitation maybe helped complete her happy day. Please congratulate yourself on supporting your child through this horrible time. I think you and your dd are doing the best you can to recover..xx

I think she is dealing with the loss but you are not. You want to keep her close because this has made you realise that they aren't always yours to keep. Does that sound possible?

Secretswitch Fri 02-Aug-13 17:30:59

MrsTerryPratchett, I think you may be correct. Allowing my dd ( or any of my children) to leave the perceived safety of my house now is a struggle for me. If they are thisclosetome perhaps I can protect and keep them safe from harm forever..

Maybe you need someone to talk to. A counsellor for a couple of sessions, perhaps. A good friend? YANBU to want to keep your beautiful girl safe.

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