I'm a hypocrite, aren't I? (Breast feeding, ILs)

(28 Posts)

I have no problem breast feeding in public. I don't hide away in a changing room. For example, I BF on a bench in the middle of a shopping centre yesterday. I don't drape anything over myself to 'hide' my boob, I just discretely pull down my top or whatever. If I'm wearing two tops, then one up, one down. So, I not flaunt anything, but I'm not shy (as long as its for BF).

PIL are coming to visit next week. I feel really awkward at the thought of BF in front of FIL. (I was sat next to my own dad in the shopping centre yesterday). I don't want to BF in the same room as him at home. We're all going out for dinner one night, so I'll almost certainly need to BF at the restaurant, which I see as slightly less of a problem for a reason I can't explain, but still slightly weird with PIL there.

I don't think I ever BF DD1 in front of FIL, (definitely did in front of MIL), but we didn't see them that much.

WIBU to leave the room to BF in private? It seems very rude and hypocritical, doesn't it?

rednellie Fri 02-Aug-13 10:45:44

YANBU, I felt like this at the start with my IL's especially as my MIL had a disconcerting way of talking about my boobs/nipples/whatever in a VERY loud voice. She even once said to one of my babies: Who wants some nipply nipples? In a cafe. Urgh

Anyway, do it where you feel comfortable and it's an added advantage to bf that it gives you a perfect excuse to go somewhere else and have a bit of quiet time with your LO

runes Fri 02-Aug-13 10:44:29

Yanbu. In an ideal world everyone would feel comfortable bfing anywhere and noone would bat an eyelid, unfortunately in reality alot of people do feel a bit uncomfortable in certain situations. Just do whatever you feel comfortable with, it's not your personal responsibility to change everyones attitude/experience.

Emilythornesbff Fri 02-Aug-13 10:41:38

YANBU
It's also a great excuse to leave the room. Go watch some tv grin
Oh, that was a big feed. Hungry baby.

OxfordBags Fri 02-Aug-13 10:34:54

It's not hypocritical at all. When you feed in public, everyone is a stranger, you're not going to see them ever again (or recognise them if you do, probably), if they see you BF, it'll only be for a few seconds or for a single, brief instance, and you can zone them out. But your PIL are people you have an ongoing relationship with, and will do for a hopefully long time, if you Bf in front of them, it willbe repeatedlyand for long durations, and it makes complete sense that you don't want them to repeatedly see your breasts and nipples!

Also, for the very same reasons, they probably won't be mad keen on you getting your boobs out all the time either! Far from being rude, they will probably be relieved! I always excused myself to BF, or used one of those cover-up thingies in front of my ILs and my FIL once said to me, "I'm so glad you're breastfeeding him, and you keep it up as long as you want, but I'm also glad I don't have to see it. I don't want to know what your chest looks like, you're my DIL!".

If they are decent people, they will be respectful of your choice. The most important thing in the situation is your baby getting his BM. Just be upfront with them and say that you'd prefer to go to the bedroom to BF.

Crinkle77 Fri 02-Aug-13 10:13:25

I don't think it would appear rude at all if you went in another room. Could you express at all and use that when you go to the restaurant?

Fallout1977 Fri 02-Aug-13 10:06:21

If you don't feel comfortable then don't feed in front of him, it's your choice. Who cares whether your hypocritical, I doubt he'll take offence and he will probably be relieved he doesn't have to keep averting his eyes. I breast fed in front of anyone and anywhere and it didn't bother me. My brother on the other hand would make comments about it and he even told me to go in the bedroom because he found it embarrassing, I told him to fuck off and sit in the bedroom himself! My sis in law breast fed in private as she got embarrassed but that was her thing not mine. So just do what feels right for you and the babe.

nextphase Fri 02-Aug-13 09:50:03

Another one here saying I would feed pretty much anywhere, except infront of FIL. Oh, and when DH bought a new car, I asked for a quiet corner, rather than the chairs with a glass viewing window into the very busy garage!

Whothefuckfarted Fri 02-Aug-13 09:44:21

Not at all, BF wherever you want smile

PollyIndia Fri 02-Aug-13 09:41:44

I think I was blinded by his beauty before I realised who he was trazzletoes. In reality, despite being on the next table, I doubt he would have noticed me, tits out or not!

Mia4 Fri 02-Aug-13 09:41:29

YANBU or hypocritical OP. The only way you would be hypocritical is if you'd said or told other people that they should be comfortable bf in front of their FIL because you wouldn't be agreeing with your own words- so no, not a hypocrite.

FridaKarlov Fri 02-Aug-13 09:40:28

It's not hypocritical. Do what makes you feel comfortable.

TarkaTheOtter Fri 02-Aug-13 09:39:08

I am happier bfing in front of strangers than friends/family. Just say that you're going to find somewhere quiet at baby is very distractible and head off.

Trazzletoes Fri 02-Aug-13 09:39:07

Polly I went to Junior school with him! He was a lovely lad and doesn't seem to have changed much at all. I'd be amazed if he judged you on a well-worn bra.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin Fri 02-Aug-13 09:38:27

Do whatever feels most comfortable. There is nothing hypocritical in thay

Whathaveiforgottentoday Fri 02-Aug-13 09:38:15

i was the same as you and happily bf anyway except in front of FIL and my DF. I think its because they can't choose to leave so I felt it wrong to make him uncomfortable plus I didn't mind going upstairs or to a different room to feed. I like my FIL and didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable so YANBU

KitNCaboodle Fri 02-Aug-13 09:36:54

I'm the same as you. I do leave the room when the in laws visit. My dad finds it uncomfortable and leaves the room when I BF. Even though I use a muslin cloth and BF anywhere and everywhere.

HoikyPoiky Fri 02-Aug-13 09:36:20

YANBU. I agree it seems a bit silly but totally understand how you feel. I wouldn't worry about this for a moment.

Katienana Fri 02-Aug-13 09:32:39

I avoid bfing in front of fil as he's so loud and distracts ds! Also it.gives me a breather when they are here! Yanbu

mameulah Fri 02-Aug-13 09:31:09

I know heaps of people that feel like this. Do what you feel comfortable with.

weisswusrt Fri 02-Aug-13 09:27:55

Perhaps use a bf'ing shawl just for in front of FIL?

PollyIndia Fri 02-Aug-13 09:12:53

Not a hypocrite at all! I was always happy to breastfeed anywhere in public but when I was with some of my younger male friends, I don't know, I just felt really uncomfortable. And once when David gandy, this model guy was sat next to us at lunch and I was painfully aware of my greyish maternity bra.
And you need to feel comfortable with breastfeeding, especially at the beginning. So maybe use it as a chance to duck out, go to your room and read a book while feeding. I kind of miss those times!

ZillionChocolate Fri 02-Aug-13 09:12:24

You should do whatever's most comfortable for you. Maybe have a think about the best seating arrangement to give you the option of BF. Weirdly, I think you might be better off sat next to FIL rather than having him looking at you.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Fri 02-Aug-13 09:11:28

I also felt the same but could never articulate why. FiL is perfectly normal and nice, I just felt weird about it.

Brownsauce83 Fri 02-Aug-13 09:09:32

I feel exactly the same as you and also have no idea why!

No I don't think it is. It's not like you're telling someone else to go and BF elsewhere. You BF where you feel comfortable, that's it.

I did the same as you - it's hard BF when you feel awkward!

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