to not be able to stop thinking about this disgusting status?

(93 Posts)
vinisque Thu 01-Aug-13 18:57:21

A friend on Facebook (now deleted) wrote an unbelieveably offensive status yesterday evening. All my friends on Facebook are real friends who I believe are decent people so I was shocked and enraged at this.

"Fucking slag at co-op wouldn't serve me because I didn't have id... I hope she saves up all summer for a holiday with the girls and gets the shit raped out of her by the locals. Bitch."

It made me so angry I felt sick. I commented on the status saying "what a disgusting thing to wish on someone". Then I immediately deleted him. I'm annoyed at myself for deleting him because I can't see a reply or see if the status has been deleted. To be honest I feel like he's gotten away with it and I should have told him what a complete piece of shit he is. I can't stop thinking about it, what should I do?

hackmum Mon 05-Aug-13 09:45:05
flatpackhamster Sun 04-Aug-13 22:14:16

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes

flatpack I think the porn industry should be regulated like any other industry, to prevent women (or men) being forced to perform against their will.

It's already regulated like any other industry. Every country has labour laws, some better than others. The laws are very clear.

Plus more steps taken to prevent children accessing it.

A sort of overseeing body like Ofsted, if you will.

Something like this, perhaps?

I know that would be a mammoth undertaking, but I wonder if everyone campaigning to stop porn altogether put their energies into pushing for better regulations then more good would be achieved for everyone. I'm diverting from the 'porn=rape culture' debate now, I know.

What you propose would be impossible without restrictions to the internet of the most draconian type. Not just 'a mammoth undertaking', but genuinely impossible. Everyone who's written about 'regulating' porn on the internet fails to understand the internet and the way it works.

And while it might seem like a nice idea to 'regulate' internet porn, I would ask you to consider who controls the regulator. It would be all too easy to broaden their remit beyond porn to, say, news. Who would you trust to decide what news you read on the internet? A Tory/UKIP coalition? A Labour/islamist party coalition?

kali110 Sun 04-Aug-13 21:50:54

You have the link to story of the post being sent to the guy mom?would love to read that.

hackmum Sun 04-Aug-13 15:58:01

OP, do you know this guy's parents? I rather enjoyed Mary Beard's response to a threatening tweet the other day, which was to tell the tweeter she was going to forward the tweet to his mum.

There was another story too about a woman who was being pestered by someone on an online dating site, who sent her several pictures of his dick - she found his mum on FB and forwarded them to her.

People who post this kind of stuff on social media tend ultimately to be pathetic little scaredy-cats at heart, rather than the macho men they imagine themselves as being.

soontobeburns Sun 04-Aug-13 15:33:07

Come on porn doesnt equal rape.

I watch porn and yes redtube and some more hardcore videos. I do so around once a week infact. I am not a rapist or have any feelings that way at all.

Its about knowing the difference between right and wrong and having a conscience. It doesnt affect any normal person ffs.

should of nc'd but hey

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes Sun 04-Aug-13 14:40:52

flatpack I think the porn industry should be regulated like any other industry, to prevent women (or men) being forced to perform against their will. Plus more steps taken to prevent children accessing it. A sort of overseeing body like Ofsted, if you will. I know that would be a mammoth undertaking, but I wonder if everyone campaigning to stop porn altogether put their energies into pushing for better regulations then more good would be achieved for everyone. I'm diverting from the 'porn=rape culture' debate now, I know.

AKiss fair enough, I know I'm not being logical, just a bit of a stream of thought, largely because I can see the different arguments and can't work out which side of the fence I'm on! However I'm not sure that illegal porn=women stoned to death for being raped. Rather, Over the top, controlling government = both of those things, plus numerous other crazy laws. In Iceland, where porn is illegal, women are most certainly not subject to being stoned to death for being raped.

That's illogical platespinning. In some of the countries where porn is illegal women are stoned to death for being raped.

flatpackhamster Sun 04-Aug-13 09:37:39

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes

it's a tricky one...I'm not sure porn encourages rape in terms of the shifty bloke hanging around in the bushes, however I wonder if it increases incidences of young lads pushing their girlfriends into it type rape (go on, you're frigid...etc). No evidence though. I think the answer is better regulations/restrictions.

Why would you regulate without evidence?

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes Sun 04-Aug-13 09:34:34

it's a tricky one...I'm not sure porn encourages rape in terms of the shifty bloke hanging around in the bushes, however I wonder if it increases incidences of young lads pushing their girlfriends into it type rape (go on, you're frigid...etc). No evidence though. I think the answer is better regulations/restrictions.

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes Sun 04-Aug-13 09:28:52

Gah! accept it's the exception!

Red is illegal, yellow is restricted/partly legal and green is legal.

LoveBeingItsABoy Sun 04-Aug-13 08:39:45

Porn is thought to be the reason because it is everywhere and so much more accessible than ever before.

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes Sun 04-Aug-13 08:35:40

Interesting map, Akiss - what do the green and yellow represent?

All of those countries are places where women have fewer rights and there is greater misogyny.

In general yes, however Iceland is arguably way ahead of pretty much anywhere in terms of social equality- first openly gay prime minister (who's also female, incidentally), etc. But I except that Iceland's the exception to the rule smile

here is a map showing countries where porn is illegal in red. All of those countries are places where women have fewer rights and there is greater misogyny.

flatpackhamster Sun 04-Aug-13 07:25:16

Minifingers

Flat pack - I haven't accused you of being a child molester. I asked you if child porn is acceptable if no child is abused in the making of it, in response to your insistence that porn which shows women being violently abused has no impact on wider attitudes to women or towards sexual behaviour within relationships.
You could just as readily argue that watching child porn doesn't encourage adults to objectify and abuse children?

Firstly, I don't see that the two are comparable. One is a cartoon of someone who can't consent having consensual sex, whereas the other is an actor (who can consent) choosing to have what appears to be non-consensual sex.

But unless you've got some research to show that japanese cartoon porn is harmful, I would say it shouldn't be banned. I don't consider it pleasant and I don't particularly 'accept' it (acceptable is such a weasel word). But I wouldn't ban it. There must be some research from Japan, home of the terrifying cartoons, mustn't there? Some indication either way. The stuff has been around there for years, so there must be some research on its effects.

SoniaGluck Sat 03-Aug-13 23:13:09

Wharrgarbl If that question is for me - I've lost track - then , yes, I've already said that I dislike all porn. In part, because of the objectification of the people involved. I was talking about porn involving women because that is my only (limited) experience of it.

I can't really speak with any knowledge of gay porn - I'm not the target audience. My brother was gay and he watched it, I believe. It wasn't anything we shared and he died several years ago.

wharrgarbl Sat 03-Aug-13 22:27:46

I believe it to be harmful as it normalises the objectification of women.

What about gay porn? Doesn't all porn objectify everyone, basically?

worthitornot Sat 03-Aug-13 22:21:34

Screen capture and threaten to send to his mother maybe?

SoniaGluck Sat 03-Aug-13 22:03:03

flatpack Having studied the Soviet Union I cannot see how anyone could ever be under any illusions about the Stalinist era, so by all means let him have a little taste of it. Let him come back, though, won't you?

The barbecue, bottle of wine and news blackout sounds like a good idea. I will do that.

But don't imagine I'm mellowing in my old age. Perish the thought. smile

Minifingers Sat 03-Aug-13 22:02:22

Flat pack - I haven't accused you of being a child molester. I asked you if child porn is acceptable if no child is abused in the making of it, in response to your insistence that porn which shows women being violently abused has no impact on wider attitudes to women or towards sexual behaviour within relationships. You could just as readily argue that watching child porn doesn't encourage adults to objectify and abuse children?

flatpackhamster Sat 03-Aug-13 21:37:51

SoniaGluck

I don't dispute that lots of women choose to watch porn. I wonder what sort of porn they're watching, though. I mean there is porn and porn, IYSWIM.

I don't know for certain. I get the vague impression that it's less redtube and more chatroulette but that isn't based on any concrete evidence. Porn aimed at men has certainly changed though in the last couple of years and I wonder if it's because more couples are watching it together.

I love The Guardian ( but you knew that) smile. And, as for: until someone finds a way of dispensing a well-earned slap down a fibreoptic cable, I can only agree - I dare say, though, that you and I might disagree on who deserves the slap.

I'll offer you a deal. You can slap whoever you like if I can send Seumas Milne back in time to 1950s Soviet Russia and give him a taste of the Stalinist hell he thinks is so fucking awesome. Public school Oxbridge communists boil my piss.

You're quite right about the value of the internet, of course, and normally, I wouldn't be saying such defeatist things. Just had an overload of idiocy recently.

Time to unplug then. I find that 48 hours of not reading the news or discussion forums makes me feel a whole lot better. I set fire to some animal on the barbecue and drank a bottle of wine, and that helped no end.

I do appreciate your taking the time to discuss these matters, BTW. I don't think that you and I will ever agree on certain subjects but at least we can have a reasonable discussion.

Likewise. But don't imagine I'm mellowing in my old age. smile

MikeOxard

2 years ago, roughly, I was turned down for a job I was qualified for and experienced in, in favour of a man with no relevant qualifications or experience. I was told it was because you needed to be a man to do this job. Sexism is still going on, you are very fortunate if it's not happening to you, but that doesn't mean that it isn't happening.

If you were told that, you have every right to tribunal the everloving heck out of that company. I didn't say sexism wasn't going on. I said that life had changed since the '70s, and it has despite the poster's denial that it has. The world is a very different place, but sexism does still go on.

MikeOxard Sat 03-Aug-13 19:18:07

flatpackhamster - "Who nowadays denies a woman's right to a job? How many claim a woman is only fit to run a household? Who states that a woman's isn't capable of holding any job she chooses?"

2 years ago, roughly, I was turned down for a job I was qualified for and experienced in, in favour of a man with no relevant qualifications or experience. I was told it was because you needed to be a man to do this job. Sexism is still going on, you are very fortunate if it's not happening to you, but that doesn't mean that it isn't happening.

kali110 Sat 03-Aug-13 18:55:05

Of course we cant identify who's going to grow up into a vile human being .i just meant that some people can have the best upbringing and still turn into a twisted human being even without variables such as porn. I do think there should be some checks on the websites that were mentioned though.

SoniaGluck Sat 03-Aug-13 18:13:52

Thanks PlateSpinning It's good to air these things. I've actually been working out my own views and changing my mind a bit as I've been reading and responding.

I don't think that just because men in their twenties are more likely to watch porn they are then more likely to want to degrade women. Correlation doesn't equal causation and all that. There must be more variables.

I totally agree on the variables, IDontBowl. I mean, I have a 25 year old son and I'm pretty sure that he has watched porn. I hope nothing too extreme but he's an adult and it isn't something that he would talk to me about. I can be pretty much 100% certain that he has never sent a rape or murder threat to an unknown woman over the internet because he didn't like something she did or said.

I think you could be right about the fear of the unknown in some cases; although at least one of the guys arrested over the recent Twitter threats was apparently in a relationship.

That and the fact they are massive dicks! Can't argue with that, however. grin

IDontBowlOnShabbos Sat 03-Aug-13 17:34:37

Urggh I hate people like this. Recently had to delete someone for typing 'all women who wear flat shoes should have their feet chopped off.' Disgusting.

Interesting discussion re porn use and increased online abuse of women though, has really made me think.

I don't think that just because men in their twenties are more likely to watch porn they are then more likely to want to degrade women. Correlation doesn't equal causation and all that. There must be more variables.

Maybe these people have never been in a serious relationship with a member of the opposite sex (being mostly in their twenties), therefore don't really understand women they are sexually attracted to. Most hate seems to stem from fear of the unknown. That and the fact they are massive dicks! smile

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