to not be able to stop thinking about this disgusting status?

(93 Posts)
vinisque Thu 01-Aug-13 18:57:21

A friend on Facebook (now deleted) wrote an unbelieveably offensive status yesterday evening. All my friends on Facebook are real friends who I believe are decent people so I was shocked and enraged at this.

"Fucking slag at co-op wouldn't serve me because I didn't have id... I hope she saves up all summer for a holiday with the girls and gets the shit raped out of her by the locals. Bitch."

It made me so angry I felt sick. I commented on the status saying "what a disgusting thing to wish on someone". Then I immediately deleted him. I'm annoyed at myself for deleting him because I can't see a reply or see if the status has been deleted. To be honest I feel like he's gotten away with it and I should have told him what a complete piece of shit he is. I can't stop thinking about it, what should I do?

worthitornot Sat 03-Aug-13 22:21:34

Screen capture and threaten to send to his mother maybe?

wharrgarbl Sat 03-Aug-13 22:27:46

I believe it to be harmful as it normalises the objectification of women.

What about gay porn? Doesn't all porn objectify everyone, basically?

SoniaGluck Sat 03-Aug-13 23:13:09

Wharrgarbl If that question is for me - I've lost track - then , yes, I've already said that I dislike all porn. In part, because of the objectification of the people involved. I was talking about porn involving women because that is my only (limited) experience of it.

I can't really speak with any knowledge of gay porn - I'm not the target audience. My brother was gay and he watched it, I believe. It wasn't anything we shared and he died several years ago.

flatpackhamster Sun 04-Aug-13 07:25:16

Minifingers

Flat pack - I haven't accused you of being a child molester. I asked you if child porn is acceptable if no child is abused in the making of it, in response to your insistence that porn which shows women being violently abused has no impact on wider attitudes to women or towards sexual behaviour within relationships.
You could just as readily argue that watching child porn doesn't encourage adults to objectify and abuse children?

Firstly, I don't see that the two are comparable. One is a cartoon of someone who can't consent having consensual sex, whereas the other is an actor (who can consent) choosing to have what appears to be non-consensual sex.

But unless you've got some research to show that japanese cartoon porn is harmful, I would say it shouldn't be banned. I don't consider it pleasant and I don't particularly 'accept' it (acceptable is such a weasel word). But I wouldn't ban it. There must be some research from Japan, home of the terrifying cartoons, mustn't there? Some indication either way. The stuff has been around there for years, so there must be some research on its effects.

here is a map showing countries where porn is illegal in red. All of those countries are places where women have fewer rights and there is greater misogyny.

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes Sun 04-Aug-13 08:35:40

Interesting map, Akiss - what do the green and yellow represent?

All of those countries are places where women have fewer rights and there is greater misogyny.

In general yes, however Iceland is arguably way ahead of pretty much anywhere in terms of social equality- first openly gay prime minister (who's also female, incidentally), etc. But I except that Iceland's the exception to the rule smile

LoveBeingItsABoy Sun 04-Aug-13 08:39:45

Porn is thought to be the reason because it is everywhere and so much more accessible than ever before.

Red is illegal, yellow is restricted/partly legal and green is legal.

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes Sun 04-Aug-13 09:28:52

Gah! accept it's the exception!

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes Sun 04-Aug-13 09:34:34

it's a tricky one...I'm not sure porn encourages rape in terms of the shifty bloke hanging around in the bushes, however I wonder if it increases incidences of young lads pushing their girlfriends into it type rape (go on, you're frigid...etc). No evidence though. I think the answer is better regulations/restrictions.

flatpackhamster Sun 04-Aug-13 09:37:39

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes

it's a tricky one...I'm not sure porn encourages rape in terms of the shifty bloke hanging around in the bushes, however I wonder if it increases incidences of young lads pushing their girlfriends into it type rape (go on, you're frigid...etc). No evidence though. I think the answer is better regulations/restrictions.

Why would you regulate without evidence?

That's illogical platespinning. In some of the countries where porn is illegal women are stoned to death for being raped.

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes Sun 04-Aug-13 14:40:52

flatpack I think the porn industry should be regulated like any other industry, to prevent women (or men) being forced to perform against their will. Plus more steps taken to prevent children accessing it. A sort of overseeing body like Ofsted, if you will. I know that would be a mammoth undertaking, but I wonder if everyone campaigning to stop porn altogether put their energies into pushing for better regulations then more good would be achieved for everyone. I'm diverting from the 'porn=rape culture' debate now, I know.

AKiss fair enough, I know I'm not being logical, just a bit of a stream of thought, largely because I can see the different arguments and can't work out which side of the fence I'm on! However I'm not sure that illegal porn=women stoned to death for being raped. Rather, Over the top, controlling government = both of those things, plus numerous other crazy laws. In Iceland, where porn is illegal, women are most certainly not subject to being stoned to death for being raped.

soontobeburns Sun 04-Aug-13 15:33:07

Come on porn doesnt equal rape.

I watch porn and yes redtube and some more hardcore videos. I do so around once a week infact. I am not a rapist or have any feelings that way at all.

Its about knowing the difference between right and wrong and having a conscience. It doesnt affect any normal person ffs.

should of nc'd but hey

hackmum Sun 04-Aug-13 15:58:01

OP, do you know this guy's parents? I rather enjoyed Mary Beard's response to a threatening tweet the other day, which was to tell the tweeter she was going to forward the tweet to his mum.

There was another story too about a woman who was being pestered by someone on an online dating site, who sent her several pictures of his dick - she found his mum on FB and forwarded them to her.

People who post this kind of stuff on social media tend ultimately to be pathetic little scaredy-cats at heart, rather than the macho men they imagine themselves as being.

kali110 Sun 04-Aug-13 21:50:54

You have the link to story of the post being sent to the guy mom?would love to read that.

flatpackhamster Sun 04-Aug-13 22:14:16

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes

flatpack I think the porn industry should be regulated like any other industry, to prevent women (or men) being forced to perform against their will.

It's already regulated like any other industry. Every country has labour laws, some better than others. The laws are very clear.

Plus more steps taken to prevent children accessing it.

A sort of overseeing body like Ofsted, if you will.

Something like this, perhaps?

I know that would be a mammoth undertaking, but I wonder if everyone campaigning to stop porn altogether put their energies into pushing for better regulations then more good would be achieved for everyone. I'm diverting from the 'porn=rape culture' debate now, I know.

What you propose would be impossible without restrictions to the internet of the most draconian type. Not just 'a mammoth undertaking', but genuinely impossible. Everyone who's written about 'regulating' porn on the internet fails to understand the internet and the way it works.

And while it might seem like a nice idea to 'regulate' internet porn, I would ask you to consider who controls the regulator. It would be all too easy to broaden their remit beyond porn to, say, news. Who would you trust to decide what news you read on the internet? A Tory/UKIP coalition? A Labour/islamist party coalition?

hackmum Mon 05-Aug-13 09:45:05

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