to want to skip this wedding today...

(69 Posts)
DancingLady Thu 01-Aug-13 10:16:41

A few months ago I was invited to a wedding reception, taking place this evening. Invite was via Facebook group. The person getting married is a lovely woman I worked with 15 years ago and haven't seen in about 12 years. We got in touch on Facebook and exchanged one catch-up email, said oh we must meet up, never did. And a few months ago she invited me to her wedding.

I accepted to be polite and because I thought it'd be nice to see her. But now it's the actual day I really don't want to go!

My reasons are:

It's really fucking hot today and I don't want to sit on public transport for over an hour, in rush hour.
My asthma gets worse in hot weather. I'm already anxious about this.
The wedding is way up in north London and I live in deepest south.
Am wondering if I was invited to make up numbers?
No one gets to chat to people at their own wedding, do they? I'll say five words to her and that'll be it.
I won't know a single person there except her
It's at a house not a venue, so they won't have catered a meal for me or anything
Would you even notice if an acquaintance didn't show up for your wedding reception?

Should i go? Think it's pretty obvious I'm looking for reasons not to...

KingRollo Thu 01-Aug-13 12:33:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meganorks Thu 01-Aug-13 12:33:52

I actually think it is pretty rude not to go. You should have considered your reasons when asked and then either accepted or declined. You accepted so now you should go.
And I don't just think that because its a wedding, same goes for anything your invited to - birthday, whatever. Its really hurtful when people say they will come and then just don't bother.

TarkaTheOtter Thu 01-Aug-13 12:34:36

I understand asthma - I have it too and have been suffering in the heat. But the hot weather isn't a massive surprise. Tbh if the op can't manage a bus ride because of we asthma she needs to be seeing her gp today.

stickingattwo Thu 01-Aug-13 12:36:34

I think you should go, even to show your face for a bit - it's inexcusable to accept the invite then let someone down on the day, their wedding day, because you can't be arsed to go from South London to North. Maybe you'll meet some nice new people - chatting will be easy as you all have something in common to start a conversation - you all know the bride. You'll get to see her for a while, how big can it be if it's at a house? you should have either declined or let her know in advanced that you couldn't go.

BettyandDon Thu 01-Aug-13 12:37:32

I agree with blondes. Basically you can't be bothered. You should have rejected the invite ages ago.

I had a wedding this summer and knew exactly who was there for reception. We had a few 'can't be arsed to comes' a few days before and it was very hurtful tbh. It used to be considered an honour to get an invite to a wedding.

I say either suck it up and go or be prepared to lose the friendship. I have a friend who was a 'cant be arsed' to come who is now desperately calling and texting to meet up and she is now right at the very bottom of my priority list. Why should the bride make time for you later on under your terms when you can't even be bothered for her once in a lifetime event? Just put yourself in her shoes.

guiltyconscience Thu 01-Aug-13 12:38:18

FFS don't go tell her on fb you have an asthma attack you won't be missed and you can always send her a lovely bunch of flowers or chocs or pressie or something to make up for it stay home in the cool and chill. Life's too short to worry bout what ppl think of you over something as little as this.have a lovely day op it's not often we get this sort if weather!

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 01-Aug-13 12:40:50

It's not what people think of you. It's doing something for someone else for their sake.

guiltyconscience Thu 01-Aug-13 12:48:37

Sometimes we need to think of ourselves first.Op is worried about her health and therefore should not put herself under pressure she should remain calm and rested.Stress is a known factor in bringing on asthma attacks.Op you are, in your own best interests, right to not attend.

BettyandDon Thu 01-Aug-13 12:48:44

KingRollo - your odds are nearly as bad as mine. I invited 7 good female friends + their families ...only 1 showed up on the day. Initially I thought their actions were not worth losing the friendship over, but I can't get over it. Makes me feel sick and now I think actually I don't want these people in my life. Did you approach your friends over it and tell them how upset you were ?

<hijack over>

BettyandDon Thu 01-Aug-13 12:50:48

Genuine illness is one thing, but I am sure the OP could take an AC train or cab if she really wanted or come later when it is cooler.

whois Thu 01-Aug-13 12:57:18

OP isn't ill, she can't be bothered. I think to pretty rude to no show on the day.

OP I'm sure you could work out a decent route. The overground (actual overground not main line trains) is lovely and air conditioned, with spacious trains.

Sorry, I think YABU. I'm another bride who had guests who didn't turn up on the day. I've never confronted them about it, but wish I had. Did they really think I wouldn't notice? I was in the middle of my wedding breakfast and worrying if something had happened, because surely no good friend could be that rude?

I get why you don't want to go, but you've accepted and now you need to make the effort. You don't need to stay long. I often find that things I don't want to go to end up being surprisingly good fun.

MintyChops Thu 01-Aug-13 13:00:03

You should have said no to the invitation before now. Did you not consider beforehand that sometimes it's hot in the summer? Pretty shitty to pull out on the day, actually really shitty. And yes they will have catered for you because you said you would be there.

specialsubject Thu 01-Aug-13 13:00:07

a cab across London? Who is made of that much money? And I'm sure the OP would consider an air-con train if there was one.

It's ONLY A PARTY! The OP is anxious and it is unexpectedly hot. Big triggers for an asthma attack. Someone collapsing on the tube brings it to a halt. All the commuters will love that.

BTW someone didn't turn up to my small wedding because of illness. It happens. Everyone else just got some extra food. I didn't throw a bridezilla strop.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin Thu 01-Aug-13 13:05:10

Agree with tsc. Are people with asthma not going ro work today?

LayMizzRarb Thu 01-Aug-13 13:12:56

She's had a lucky escape, If your only reason to accept the invitation was to be polite, as you say, even if she doesn't realise it. She could probably do without flaky fakes on her special day.

As it is being held in a house, you're unlikely to be 'waving across a crowded room'

Could there be other people present that you worked with? You think you were invited to 'make up the numbers'? Why? Are you fantastically witty or ultra interesting?

KingRollo Thu 01-Aug-13 13:13:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KingRollo Thu 01-Aug-13 13:16:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSecondComing Thu 01-Aug-13 13:21:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hatsybatsy Thu 01-Aug-13 13:28:38

all these people saying OP is ill? She is not ill - she has asthma and is trying to use that as an excuse not to cross London. Because it's hot.

She CBA to go to this wedding - she shouldn't have accepted the invitation but she did. IMO that means she should go. As I said earlier, what if all this person's friends CBA and she is left with an empty church and then an empty house?

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 01-Aug-13 13:47:17

exactly tarka and who is

op literally cant be arsed to go - she says in her first post

Should I go? Think it's pretty obvious I'm looking for reasons not to...

she isnt ill - she has a medical condition that 1000's of people have, including my oh

who is at this moment sweating his bollocks off working outside as thats his job and has to-he cant say not working today as its hot - his clients would laugh and use someone else

if op feels her 'illness' is that bad that travelling would make it worse then she needs to see a doctor

its just an excuse

i really think its rude to cancel on the day for op's reasons- if she had S&D fair enough

Angloamerican Thu 01-Aug-13 15:46:38

I'm with those who think you should go. It's very rude to skip out in someone's wedding because you can't be bothered to go. It's hot, yes, but you're not planning on walking, are you? I would be be very upset if someone bailed on my wedding day without a very good reason. I don't think your asthma is such a reason, in afraid. It's not a housewarming, it's a wedding. Make the effort. You'll be glad you did!

BeCool Thu 01-Aug-13 16:24:07

keep in mind the only contact the OP has with the bride for the last TWELVE years is via FB. And the wedding invite was via a FB group invite.
I just can't see that a no show would be a big deal. it sounds very informal to me.

If I invited someone I worked with 15 years ago, and had no ongoing relationship outside of FB to anything, I doubt I would register if they were there or not. I very much doubt the bride is sobbing into her bubbly wondering where DancingLady from FB is!

Emilythornesbff Thu 01-Aug-13 16:26:29

YANBU.
How were you to know that it might be hot in August? Or that you'd need to take public transport?
wink
I understand why you cba. I can barely face clearing the toys up from the garden befor kids' bath time. But this is your friend's wedding reception.
You are very likely to be missed. They will have catered for you in some way, no mattwhat hat you say they won't and it's rude to just not go.
Maybe txt or call a bridesmaid or someone in the wedding party with an excuse.

And hope you aren't recognised from your op grin

hatsybatsy Thu 01-Aug-13 16:50:12

becool - no one thinks the bride is sobbing into her bubbly. people just think that it's common decency to follow through when you say you'll do something.

ds was invited to a classmate's party a while back. come the day itself it was roasting hot and a lot of people ducked out of the party and skipped off to the beach. cue one little girl with 10 people rather than 20 at her party. lots of uneaten food and wasted party bags. It's rude. I made ds go and we compromised with a swim afterwards.

if op wasn't bothered about renewing this friendship why did she say yes in the first place?

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