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To not let him go?

(167 Posts)
Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 09:45:21

My sister wanted to take 5 year old ds camping with her husband in in a couple of weeks. She had the idea that as they are going for a week, ds could go with them for the first two nights while dp and I had a mini break somewhere closeby and then picked ds up on the third day.

At first I was a bit unsure as he's so young and hasn't been camping yet, although I'm sure he'd be well looked after. I also wasn't too sure what we actually wanted to do ourselves this month with regard to holidays as we've not long got back from a week away and dp and I have a hotel booked at the end of the month too for my birthday.

I think that my sister has run away with the idea a bit as she'd started telling ds how at camping they'd go to the beach, he could help set up the tent, how many sleeps away it is etc and now ds is all excited, even though I hadn't actually said definitely yes.

I told my sister I'd discuss it with dp as it would depend on him as he'd be doing the drive down there (3 hours) as I won't drive on motorway by myself.

Anyway here's where it gets a bit complicated, I spoke to dp about it last night and basically, he checked his work planner and he's on call the week that they're going camping so won't be available to drive us down there or for us to have a mini break, but he's only on call because his boss asked him to swap the week. He is also going to a beer festival the first night of the camping trip and his boss is letting him have the first night off call for a favour as dp swapped.

Potentially dp could say he can't now swap but, he doesn't want to upset his boss as he could lose favours in the future, he's getting the first night off call to go to beer festival which also then kills two birds with regards to free weekends for us, and, the opportunity has now come up of us getting a free holiday flat for the followng weekend, so if dp swaps his week back, we won't be able to do that.

Hope that all makes sense. So I suppose potentially ds could still go camping but it would mean I'd just be at home on my own all weekend, then we'd have a 3 hour drive just to pick him up and miss the opportunity of a free weekend away as a family the following week.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:00:39

No, we don't do something amazing every weekend. But what I'm trying to explain is we wanted a weekend away as a family, one weekend dp is going to beer festival, one weekend we are away for my birthday, which only leave one more weekend in the holidays, and we have the opportunity for a free holiday flat.

It isn't at all that I 'won't' pick him up, it's the driving that's the issue.

fluffyraggies England Thu 01-Aug-13 10:01:18

It is quite a long way just for 2 nights. DS shouldn't be whipping the excitement levels up in OPs DS until it's a sure thing.

If the OP doesn't want to use the motorway then that's 5 hours drive. Each way shock

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:01:45

I had never actually said yes to the camping, I'd said maybe and that I would decide when dp and I had decided what we were doing as a family.

fluffyraggies England Thu 01-Aug-13 10:02:27

DSIS shouldn't be whipping up excitement.

imnotmymum Thu 01-Aug-13 10:03:00

But if you pick him up then you still get your family weekend away do you? I am a little confused. Can they meet you half way Is you dp on call 24 hours? Do you have any other family member who could do the trip with you?

KellyElly Thu 01-Aug-13 10:03:23

It all sounds a bit of a faff all that travelling for a camping trip. Can't you take him camping somewhere near you instead for the weekend then he wouldn't miss out?

chesterberry Thu 01-Aug-13 10:04:34

I can understand why you don't want DP to swap his days on call if that will mess up the following weekend.

Perhaps you need to explain to your sister that your DH has had to change his work days (I wouldn't necessarily say that he might be able to swap back or make this sound negotiable) and as you cannot drive on the motorway your DS cannot go camping unless your sister is able to drop him back home as well as pick him up. Or better yet maybe you can come to some sort of compromise, is there any way you could maybe meet her half-way so you both drive 1.5 hours? Or is there any way to drive there avoiding the motorway? Or perhaps she can drive him to the nearest train station and you meet him there?

If you explain the situation to your sister, that you will need help in terms of getting him home after the holiday, perhaps together you will be able to find a solution that means he doesn't have to miss out. If it turns out there is no reasonable way to get him home then at least she has been involved in the decision and will surely understand if he isn't able to go this time.

fluffyraggies England Thu 01-Aug-13 10:04:51

Well i'm with you OP.

2 nights in a tent etc with his Aunt would be fun i'm sure. But at the expense of 10 hours on the road for his mum i don't think it's worth it.

The boy is getting a weekend away with his family the following weekend. I think he'll live through the disappointment this time.

Crinkle77 Thu 01-Aug-13 10:05:16

Thing is your sister should not have said anything to your son until you had agreed it all. My parents never used to tell us we were going anywhere when we were kids in case we couldn't go for some reason then we wouldn't be disappointed

Have I missed something. If ds goes camping with your sister then why can't you still all have your family weekend?

HellonHeels Thu 01-Aug-13 10:06:18

Some thoughts...

Let him go and use AA journey planner or similar to plan a driving route without motorways. If you have a satnav it can be set to avoid all motorways. OR

Let him go and ask your sister if she would meet you at a convenient point to drop him back to you so you can avoid motorway driving

Longer term - address your motorway driving issues if you can? I know this isn't the point of your OP but using a sat nav if you're worried about route finding / exiting or taking a few motorway lessons if it's just the driving in general might overcome your fear.

Coconutty Costa Rica Thu 01-Aug-13 10:06:25

I would let him go.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:06:46

Right I've just checked the route planner, it's 3 hours on motorway and 5 hours on road, 4 hours 59 mins to be exact. And no selfish I may be but I don't want to do 10 hours driving and I don't even know if my car would make it.

Yes dp is on call 24 hours a day, they do an on call every 5 weeks and he can and does get called out any time of the day or night.

HellonHeels Thu 01-Aug-13 10:07:31

Crafty if DS went camping and the OP's partner had to swap his on-call to drive him there, then he would be on call the next weekend thus preventing a family weekend.

imnotmymum Thu 01-Aug-13 10:10:15

So what does the sister say regarding the pick up matter ? Have you spoken to her?

HollyBerryBush Thu 01-Aug-13 10:10:41

Oh well, you've stated your case. Now who is going to explain to your DS and deal with the disappointment?

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:12:53

Have I missed something. If ds goes camping with your sister then why can't you still all have your family weekend?

Because, dp would be the one picking ds up, and to do that he'd have to swap back to his original on call week, meaning he'd then be on call the weekend we all want to go away as a family. There is also the point here that he may upset his boss as he's already said yes to boss.

I'm getting asked a lot of the same questions, I don't want to drive 10 hours, I don't even know if my car would make it either on motorway or on road. I cannot get the train, my sister knows my fear of motorway she also won't drive on motorway so understand this, but if train was an option she'd have offered that. I know there is no train anywhere near as sister got married down there.

livinginwonderland Thu 01-Aug-13 10:13:00

DSis shouldn't have gotten him all excited. I wouldn't let him go either just because 10 hours drive is too dangerous to get done all in one day with a child in the car, when you're nervous enough as it is.

YANBU.

Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 10:14:01

I think the OP has to, and you also need to think about being more assertive at the beginning with your sister. Your DS will think it's a done deal that is now cancelled because you don't want to drive that far.
I expect he's going to be unreasonable about it and blame the OP.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:14:45

holly I'm sure he'll survive no need to be so melodramatic, I asked if I was being unreasonable but jeez, we've just got back from a week abroad and we'll be going to the seaside as a family the following week.

Oh and also sister husband did say don't worry as they go often and could take him one weekend in the future.

Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 10:15:53

Then if it's so easy a solution, why post?
What response did you want?

wonderingsoul Thu 01-Aug-13 10:18:45

can you get some one else to drive but you in the car? can she drop him of at the nearest rainsstation there will be one, even if its not in the same town.

if not, you can only really tell your son its changed..prehasp with the added sleeping in a tent in the garden to softon the blow?

chesterberry Thu 01-Aug-13 10:18:54

It's definitely not unreasonable to not want to drive 10 hours to pick him up. If your sister can meet half-way with him that might be an option as then it would be much less driving, but if that's not an option then maybe you could tell your sister that unless she is able to drop your ds back home he won't be able to go camping. At least that means if she really has her heart set on him going she has the option to drop him off home so that it can go ahead, and otherwise perhaps he will be able to go camping with them another time when it is more convenient.

HollyBerryBush Thu 01-Aug-13 10:19:00

Well it's all about problems isn't it? I have a friend like this: problem after problem which is really excuse after excuse.

I'd have had a little more empathy if you'd said "how do I get him back from his weekend because of XYZ proving problematic" rather than the endless excuse after excuse.

People who cant find solutions to simple problems irritate me - you dont want a solution because you don't want to be alone for the weekend.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:20:42

Honest responses, but hearing some of them and typing it out have just confirmed that I'm probably doing the right thing.

There's no point saying m-up with regards to motorway driving, if you're scared of something you're scared of it. And a 3 hour drive with a young child in the car probably isn't the best time to m-up to it. If I did an had an accident people would be saying why did she attempt that drive knowing she wasn't confident or experienced on motorway.

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