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to think PIL are being a bit ridiculous re separate rooms?

(114 Posts)
Irishchic Wed 31-Jul-13 22:20:27

My dh's brother is 41 years old. He has been with his partner for 6 years and they have a year old dd. He lives in London, (we are in Ireland) yet whenever he comes home to visit his parets, he and his partner are not allowed share a room.

mY MIL's brother is visiting them at the moment. He is in his 60's and divorced this last 5 years. He has a partner of around 2 or 3 years standing now. They also have separate rooms in the house, even though they live togethe as a couple.

AIBU to think this is ridiclous? If bro in law was like, 18 or 19, i could maybe see what their point was, but now, as a grown man, it just seems a bit daft to me.

Am prepared for the flaming for being intolerant.

quoteunquote Sat 03-Aug-13 22:07:47

A bothy is a small shelter left unlocked so passing climbers/ walkers/ shepherds can shelter, some are four walls and a tin roof and a fire place if you are lucky, some more one room cottage,

the one we were using was maintained by scottish climbing club, we had permission to be there, it later transpired when we asked, that they hadn't, which wouldn't of mattered (anyone is welcome) except they tried to intimidate us out, and had lied that they had had permission.

You do not call women with ice axes immoral slags and expect to get away with it.

I would of loved to seen their faces when they had to explain to their Principal, what went on, we did follow it up.

rabbitlady Fri 02-Aug-13 05:36:31

their house, their rules.

thebody Fri 02-Aug-13 05:34:29

what's a bothy? oh and op sweet really if absolutely mad.

AdoraBell Fri 02-Aug-13 01:52:05

Well done quote grin.

I can't help it, I will always be amused by SIL getting PG despite never having a boyfriend sleep in the same room <evil, evil, sly grin>

quoteunquote Fri 02-Aug-13 00:52:19

Years ago late one night I arrived at a bothy on Skye miles from anywhere, with a group of friends, we had started climbing at about 5am, hideous conditions, so were totally shattered,

In the bothy were a group of men (climbing club from top English university), two of which reacted to our arrival by informing us that only sluts would want to share a room over night with men they weren't married to,

normal behaviour in bothy is to welcome others in and make them a brew as they shed wet clothing, (never ever before or since seen or heard of any negative behaviour in a climbing bothy).

we agreed we wouldn't want to put them in a position where they were compromising their morals, so we put them outside for the night,(with sleeping bags(we thought it kind), they had to rig up a lean to)

The others in their group didn't have any objections to us, and kept telling us that the two blokes outside were very religious.

FaddyPeony Fri 02-Aug-13 00:45:29

I can beat that op!

Friend told me recently that her father will not allow her DP of 10 years and father of her two children to stay overnight in his house at all. While I was busy marvelling at this she said 'and it'll be the same once we're married'(they're engaged). I still cannot get my head round that one because the Catholic logic of everything being fine once you're married doesn't apply! And it's not personal, her family likes her DP so ...

Mad.

pookamoo Fri 02-Aug-13 00:27:38

lol at coco!

My Dsis and her partner have been living together for 7 or 8 years now, and they have to sleep in different rooms when they are at my mum and dad's. That's just the way it is. They are 30 and 31. My parents are not Catholic or particularly religious either. The same rules applied to DH and me, and when we came back from our honeymoon, a double bed and mattress had appeared in my old bedroom!

cocolepew Fri 02-Aug-13 00:15:58

When my brother announced he was bringing his girlfriend over to meet the family (they actually got engaged when they were here) my mum told me she wasn't allowing them to share a room. I have to say I was surprised by this, especially as we didn't have enough rooms. She solved this problem by sending me to live with my boyfriend for the duration hmmgrin

ravenAK Fri 02-Aug-13 00:00:49

Dh & I have just slept in separate beds at my parents', & we've been irreproachably married for nearly 10 years.

Tiny double beds & dh had been driving for 8 hours, so we voluntarily went for two separate spare rooms!

I honestly wouldn't worry over it as an unmarried couple - some partners' parents were fine with it when I were a lass, some not; mine certainly, & sensibly, left it up to me after I went off to Uni; but if I did mind, I'd book accommodation elsewhere rather than expect anyone to offer a shared bed they weren't happy about - you're a guest in their house, you abide by the house rules.

Lovecat Thu 01-Aug-13 23:49:27

What Compo and Lyra said - my (Catholic) parents had us sleep in separate rooms (me in tiny childhood bed upstairs, DH downstairs on the sofa) before we were married. Not a chance we were going to try and have sex under those conditions even if the mood had taken us!

About five minutes after we got married, mum rang me in high excitement to announce that they'd bought a sofabed for the spare room so that we'd be able to sleep together (as you can imagine this filled us with such joy). The spare room was next door to theirs, the walls were paper thin - NO WAY were we going to be having sex on the world's smallest most uncomfortable sofabed with the possibility of them listening in!

Irishchic Thu 01-Aug-13 23:32:05

Lol teabag but this is PIL's son we are talking about, a strapping 6ft plus guy who runs a v successful business employing many people, by any stretch of the imagination a "grown up" and yet when staying at home with parents has to toe this line. He also has to go to mass on sunday when he stays there, (which is only when he comes over to visit without partner and baby) . It he doesnt make mass there would be hell to pay!

teabagpleb Thu 01-Aug-13 23:24:58

Apart from the IRish Catholicism, could be a strong dose of 'my little girl doesn't have sex' - my dad is distinctly uncomfortable about the idea of me and MrTeabag sharing a room, despite liking him, and the fact that we are now in fact married and have kids. Pregnancy wierded him out no end...

Actually first time they met my dad was going to insist he and MrT shared a room and I shared a room with my mum in a hotel, but my mum refused. Dad thought about paying for a third room for MrT but there weren't any. I think he realised he was being daft!

Irishchic Thu 01-Aug-13 22:19:06

I know that MIL would not mind at all, and is annoyed by FIL's attitude to the whole thing, (he took the pregnancy news really badly) but she would never voice this. FIL is not a particularly devout or pious catholic, but observes sunday and the holy days and thats it. He never pontificates about stuff and is in every other way great fun and has a great sense of humour, also is hugely intelligent.

He just seems to have a big hang up about sex and kids before marriage.

greeneyed Thu 01-Aug-13 19:55:20

Ha ha evokes memories. Same for me and DH before we were married despite the fact we were late 20s/early 30s and lived together. They used to cone and stay with us and when we went to see them it was separate bedrooms, very silly.

Ridiculous. I doubt the couples involved would be having sex anyway given that the PIL would no doubt be listening out for any sign of sinful behaviour.

BergholtStuttleyJohnson Thu 01-Aug-13 13:32:13

Yanbu and I say this as a religious person who didn't have sex before marriage myself. My mother would be an arsehole abd insist on separate rooms but I personally think it's ridiculous. I'd never make a couple sleep in separate beds at my house.

AdoraBell Thu 01-Aug-13 13:20:19

Xiaoxiong we've had similar here in Chile, a lawyer has told us because we married outside of Chile it doesn't count here, we'd have to get married again under local laws. OH was shocked and worried, but not enough to comply with their expectations.

For my part I'm happy to live in sin, with my British marriage certificate.

20wkbaby Thu 01-Aug-13 13:02:57

Am I the only one who would love a night or two in a bed by myself?

No snoring, sweating, nicking the duvet...

I knew I should never have got married.

2rebecca Thu 01-Aug-13 12:57:15

My first husband and I had to have separate rooms at both parents' houses until engaged.
A few nights in seperate beds isn't the end of the world and as others have said if we felt strongly about it we could have stayed at a B&B.

skylerwhite Thu 01-Aug-13 12:54:09

My parents did this to me and DH before we were married. We were living together abroad, and when we came back to visit we were always put in separate bedrooms.

My sister and her then DP got to share a bed, since they had a child together. I could never get my head round the concept of penalising the couple who didn't have a contraceptive failure! My parents aren't even old, in their 50s. confused

ComposHat Thu 01-Aug-13 11:38:21

My parents aren't Catholic, or remotely religious, but were a bit cat's bum about my partner (now wife) sharing a room even though we were in our late 20s and lived together and had done for some time. My mother was flapping around saying, 'what if she gets pregnant under our roof what will her mother say?'

In a way I took it as a complement that they imagined our sex life to be far more exciting and active than it actually is.

Shrugged Thu 01-Aug-13 11:17:25

I mean, I'm 41, and we were taught that every time a girl crossed her legs (immodest), Our Lady blushed. Or possibly cried.

Shrugged Thu 01-Aug-13 11:16:02

You're right, Compost. It's hard to explain to people who didn't grow up in Irish Catholicism ((in the past, albeit the fairly recent past) how imbricated sexuality, religion and ideas of 'respectability' are. For that generation, sex was a filthy, impure source of temptation and moral ruin that somehow magically became OK once you were married, as long as each act was open to the creation of a child. The aunt of a friend (now about 65, and a pragmatic, straight-talking type of person you wouldn't think would be easily indoctrinated) said it took her and her husband several months after they married to get used to the idea that they didn't have to stop at kissing, and that sex was no longer a sin.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Thu 01-Aug-13 11:08:09

Quite.

ComposHat Thu 01-Aug-13 11:01:29

I think when people insist on this it speaks volumes about their attitude to sex.

FFS we live together we don't start doing the deed every time we go to bed together. Especially not in my childhood bedroom with a single bed and a sloping roof that would make copulation an act of yoga.

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