to think PIL are being a bit ridiculous re separate rooms?

(114 Posts)
Irishchic Wed 31-Jul-13 22:20:27

My dh's brother is 41 years old. He has been with his partner for 6 years and they have a year old dd. He lives in London, (we are in Ireland) yet whenever he comes home to visit his parets, he and his partner are not allowed share a room.

mY MIL's brother is visiting them at the moment. He is in his 60's and divorced this last 5 years. He has a partner of around 2 or 3 years standing now. They also have separate rooms in the house, even though they live togethe as a couple.

AIBU to think this is ridiclous? If bro in law was like, 18 or 19, i could maybe see what their point was, but now, as a grown man, it just seems a bit daft to me.

Am prepared for the flaming for being intolerant.

Forgot to add the grin

Oh and the YANBU!

Irishchic Wed 31-Jul-13 22:47:33

Who is ridiculing them diddl?

I am outlining a situation and voicing my opinion that this situation is ridiculous. My opinion only. And one that I, and any one else who cares to comment, is free to express I think.

Beastofburden Wed 31-Jul-13 22:48:50

I think once people are clearly a family, respect for that family trumps religion. Children make it clear cut which way to go. With adult kids and newish, changing partners I think I would probably allow it over the age of 21 and mind my own business about how "serious" they have to be.

ImNotBloody14 Wed 31-Jul-13 22:49:15

Why different rules for an 18/19 year old man than an older one? confused

Irishchic Wed 31-Jul-13 22:49:46

Hearts no not rebelling at all. They are just quite laid back and not in any hurry to tie the knot, they will get around to it at some stage.

neunundneunzigluftballons Wed 31-Jul-13 22:51:37

My husband's uncle in rural Ireland gave us seperate rooms when we were married forget logic in some folk in that generation it just does not apply.

Morloth Wed 31-Jul-13 22:52:55

Of course it is silly, but it is their house.

neunundneunzigluftballons Wed 31-Jul-13 22:56:32

Is BIL revolting against a very strict Catholic upbringing by not marrying his partner?

1/3 of babies born in Ireland now are to unmarried parents now so it really isn't being the mad rebel it might have been years ago though.

WafflyVersatile Thu 01-Aug-13 00:07:04

It's ridiculous of course but their house, their rules. If they do not want unmarried couples in the same room then that is their prerogative.

Jan49 Thu 01-Aug-13 00:07:53

OTOH I think 'their house, their rules' but OTOH I think if I were the couple I'd stay elsewhere and refuse to be treated that way.

AdoraBell Thu 01-Aug-13 00:12:04

PILs did this when we we had been living together, OH was 39 and divorced, I was 27. It was rediculous, but their rules in their house. Oddly SIL managed to get PG without ever sharing a room with the BFconfused

squoosh Thu 01-Aug-13 00:14:49

My parents are like this, or were like this to an extent, they've relaxed a hell of a lot. But I know tons of people from that generation that have the very same rules.

I don't see any point in letting it irritate you, it's their home and it's only a short stay.

BuildMeUpButtercup Thu 01-Aug-13 00:18:34

Can totally see my parents doing this. In fact they did, as in you're not married yet and there's no way on earth on you're sharing a room.
Even though I was 24 and perfectly old enough. hmm

notallytuts Thu 01-Aug-13 00:21:01

My dad knew someone who wouldnt let his parents share a room when they stayed at his house grin on account of their intolerance of him sharing a room with any long term girlfriend at their house

BuildMeUpButtercup Thu 01-Aug-13 00:43:37

In fact I was 24, and had been in the same friggin' relationship for 6 YEARS! Nope, you're not married, not living together so nope you're not sharing a bedroom.
The 6 years thing meant nothing though, apparently! We're married now. We're now allowed to share a room hmm grin can you tell this still pisses me off lol

Gruntfuttock Thu 01-Aug-13 00:46:09

neunundneunzigluftballons I know you said 'forget logic' but did you or your DH ask him why on earth he wouldn't allow even a married couple to share a room?

5madthings Thu 01-Aug-13 00:50:41

How ridiculous.

I would refuse to stay.

Funnily enough when dp first came to stay at my parents my mum tried to make us have desperate rooms, i was 19, I did point out that as I was already pregnant it was like bolting the stable door after the horse had bolted!

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Thu 01-Aug-13 00:54:07

I wouldn't have that 'rule' in my house but I'd be ok with them having that rule in theirs. It seems a bit daft to you but is clearly important to them. Just go with it or stay somewhere else.

Gruntfuttock Thu 01-Aug-13 00:54:42

5madthings desperate rooms sound quite scary.

5madthings Thu 01-Aug-13 00:55:39

Lol, my nexus doesn't seem to like seperate... Dam auto correct!

MidniteScribbler Thu 01-Aug-13 01:03:16

It's ridiculous by today's standards, but it's her home, so her choice. They can then choose whether or not to stay based on her preferences. She's not running a hotel, it's her home. Presumably, she's not constantly harassing them for their choices, but merely states that under her roof she's not comfortable with them sharing a bed. If you can't spend a night in a bed separate from your partner, then stay somewhere else.

It's a bit like the "friends" who rang and asked to come for a visit, then demanded I put my dogs in to kennels (at my expense) for the duration of their visit. Nope, if you don't like dogs, then there's plenty of hotels around that will welcome your business.

My MIL (before DH and I married) expected my DH to share a bed with his brother so we could have seperate rooms.
(The brother who had a pg girlfriend , so not married and not a child)

I sooooo wanted to tell her that after driving all day I wouldn't be jumping on her son's bones. She would've been cat's bum faced grin

neunundneunzigluftballons Thu 01-Aug-13 01:17:30

Dh didn't ask he just told him we were married and had a child and we would be sharing a room. We weren't married in a church it probably didn't really count.

HoikyPoiky Thu 01-Aug-13 01:43:08

My DHs mum is a devout catholic and it didnt cross my mind to want to sleep in the same room as my DH before we were married when we stayed at her house. She would never have told us not to sleep together but I think it was respectful and polite of us to sleep seperately when we were in her house. I was happy to do it for her and I like to think she appriciated it.

I am a 100% athiest but I wouldn't force my opinions on my MIL in her own house. Obviously when she visited our house my DH and I always shared a room but we felt that was different because it was our house. I am happy for my kids to have there 'steady' partners sleep over. It doesn't bother me in the slightest but I am more than 40 years younger than my MIL

What is the big deal with sleeping in seperate rooms for a few nights? It isn't difficult confused

I don't think it's 'ridiculous' though. They grew up in very different times and probably see it as perfectly normal.

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