To expect a babysitter not to be drunk when we get home...

(64 Posts)
Sticklebug Wed 31-Jul-13 20:21:00

Ok, I have delayed all day posting this as I may be being unreasonable.

We have a usual babysitter (aged 17) who babysits for us on a regular basis, but she is on holiday this week. I asked a good friend with children the same age as ours to babysit last nigh so we could go out on DH's birthday. Her DH birthday is tomorrow, so I am reciprocating by babysitting for them.

So... said friend turns up last night with a large bag - first to come out is a pari of slippers - good idea, our house is really cold. Second to come out is a bottle of red wine...ok, fine to have a glass of wine on a Tuesday night. Cue me showing where wine glasses stored and joking about needing a glass mid week on occasion.

We went out and had a lovely evening, really good food, some wine.

We got home and friend was asleep on the sofa - fine, it was 10.30 and late for me! She was really hard to rouse though and then we noticed the empty wine bottle...she had drink an entire bottle of wine in just over 2 hours...whilst in charge of someone elses children!

She shuffled to her feet and left in a hurry (lives 3 doors up so no driving), leaving us a bit unsure of how we fell about this.

AIBU?

arethereanyleftatall Thu 01-Aug-13 17:18:26

I was just tginking that caca. Definitely unacceptable for a babysitter, but dh and I are often drunk at weekends, in charge of our, sleeping, children. So, the 'what about a fire't comments still apply. I never thought about it before. Do other people not drink ever at home?

HoikyPoiky Thu 01-Aug-13 17:29:25

Obviously YANBU.

I had a teenager turn up drunk and high but I didn't realise it until later. I don't know why I didn't realise at the time but it crossed my mind halfway through our romantic meal out. I guess I had noticed subconsciously. confused. I wasn't too worried as my kids were quite old and almost too old to be babysat.

I am interested by those saying 'what if there was a fire' etc. Does that mean they wouldn't ever get drunk when they are in charge of their own kids? wine wine

It doesn't effect me as I don't drink. <<goody two shoes>>

HoikyPoiky Thu 01-Aug-13 17:29:50

Oops x post

HoikyPoiky Thu 01-Aug-13 17:32:10

Isn't a whole bottle of wine an awful lot to drink in two hours confused. I know some wines are stronger than others but it is a lot of alcohol.

lurkerspeaks Thu 01-Aug-13 17:33:29

I don't subscribe to the "no drinking while babysitting" rule for friends doing people a favour.

I wouldn't however drink masses (so 2 glasses max.) while responsible for other peoples' children. I don't think any of my friends would drink more than that but the vast majority of us would have a glass or two. I wouldn't babysit for free for anyone who didn't trust me to regulate my EtOH intake. None of my friends abstain from alcohol when supervising their own children so to expect a friend to do so is a but hypocritical.

If I'm paying a babysitter then my views change radically. I'm buying a service and I want them to deliver it sober!

I think your friend has just unwittingly outed herself as having a big problem with alcohol.

maddy68 Thu 01-Aug-13 18:45:49

Actually it's only two large glasses of wine. (I do have big glasses) perhaps she drank more than she intended?
I could drink a bottle quite easily without feeling really pissed

cfc Thu 01-Aug-13 18:49:26

One of us is always able to drive. It's rare I'll drink these days, but if we had a particularly nice bottle of red, I'd have a glass.

Pregnant and nursing for the last 5 years has put paid to my drinking career.

So I agree, it's not right for both parents to be drunk when in sole charge of chlidren. But as always, there are shades of grey. At least 50, or so I've heard...

auntmargaret Thu 01-Aug-13 18:53:22

I think you're all being a bit judgy. There was no harm done.

My MIL has issues with alcohol. Her house burnt down because she'd drunk so much and forgotten to snuff out candles in her living room. She only woke up when the flames were licking at the sofa and the dog was barking in her face, terrified. She woke up and the whole room was in flames. Her young DD was asleep upstairs, they got out safely but they lost EVERYTHING.

I don't think it's ever a good idea to get drunk when you're the sole responsible adult! Ever. You never know what will happen.

maja00 Thu 01-Aug-13 19:02:26

I do get drunk at home, and neither me nor DP drive so that isn't an issue for us.

However, we wouldn't both get passing-out drunk (or I wouldn't if home alone) while DS is here as you need to be at least able to wake up if there is a fire.

cfc Thu 01-Aug-13 19:05:57

There was no harm done this time - but as I ask myself sometimes, "what would the coroner say?"!!

Cold hard facts speak volumes.

I just think passing out fluthered whilst minding someone else's children (or your own, but that's your own business) is wrong. I don't think it's judgey to think that - it's just opinion. I'm not judging her as a human being, I don't place her next to Mugabe on my list of "Bad Peeps" - just in this case, she's made an error in judgement. That's all. We've all been there, to some degree.

Branleuse Thu 01-Aug-13 19:08:26

I wouldnt be impressed but no good can come of bringing it up with her. shes not your regular.

EvaBeaversProtege Thu 01-Aug-13 19:10:10

How closely did you look @ the bottle? Are you certain the bottle was full & not just half a bottle?

She may have been exhausted & fell asleep - you say she's been having problems with her children, perhaps she used the time in your house to get a proper relax?

My mil babysits & I usually leave wine for her, I wouldn't be offended if she drank it.

My kids are 9 & 11 and I figure my house could burn down at any time, not only when a sitter is in charge. (more likely to happen with me than with a sitter as they wouldn't be cooking!!)

1944girl Thu 01-Aug-13 19:12:27

I can remember when my two children were about 6 and 4.DH and I had been invited out one evening and DH's niece offered to babysit along with her friend.They were both 16 then and had babysat before with no problems.Both children were settled in bed before we left, and the the two girls were happily watching TV when we went out.
We came back and everything seemed in order.DH walked the girls back home.After they left I noticed two burn marks on the settee which had not been there before.Anyhow we went to bed as too tired to do anything else.
In the morning DS1 told us he had enjoyed his cousin and her friend looking after him and they had made him laugh by stamping on the settee.After further questioning I discovered that he had woken and came downstairs and watched TV with the girls, then they started smoking and one had dropped a lit match on the settee and a ''thing like a fire had come on the settee''.DN had then stood on the settee and stamped her foot on the ''fire''.We, understandingly were furious.Not so much about the smoking as I was a smoker myself, and this was the 70s when people smoked around children.It was the fact there could have been a serious fire and shuddered to think of the consequences.
DH had a few words with his niece later that day, and she was never allowed to babysit again.

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