to want to strangle my 11 year old dd

(110 Posts)
BellaTalbert Tue 30-Jul-13 19:50:30

Need to vent as would happily like to strangle my dd as she is currently screaming and crying in the kitchen as well as trying to make herself vomit.

My dd has just had a friend around for dinner and after her friend left I asked her to help me with the washing up. My dd then totally lost it screaming that she has "bloody children's rights" and that its slave labor.

I am apparently a child abuser and the worst mother in the world. I warned her that if she continued to shout etc then she would lose her phone which now as she has lost.

My mother would have killed me if I every spoke to her like this at this age. Where did I go wrong???

How weird! Work colleague's 11 year old DD called her at work today ' Can my mate's mum's friend pierce my ears round her house?' 'No.' Cue a hilarious video this evening of said DD wailing her head off!

bongobaby Tue 30-Jul-13 22:53:05

My Ten year old Dc is so bloody stroppy lately. Called up child line the other day because the internet was cut off ( late paying the bill) apparently its child neglect because wasn't able to play club penguin, dc said. good job they were still connecting the call when I found out why dc was on the phone.
Bloody hell wtf vibe are these kids on nowadays! Go and count the grass!!

Mimishimi Tue 30-Jul-13 23:19:36

DD (12) is the same and has been pretty much since she turned 11. From a bright happy child to a miserable eyerolling bad attitude teen for whom everything is too much effort. Karma's a bitch... Mum, I'm so sorry! wink blush

Euphemia Tue 30-Jul-13 23:20:46

Turns out it was the mum who pulled the plug on the shopping trip. I'm taking DD out tomorrow instead, poor thing. smile

No ear piercing! angry

OhTheConfusion Tue 30-Jul-13 23:23:59

Shit, DS turns 11 this week {HELP!!!!}.

Secretswitch Tue 30-Jul-13 23:28:24

My 14 yr old is still angry we don't have staff. She has made statements before about "children's rights" I explained her rights are food, clothing and shelter. It does not have to be tasty food, it does not have to be name brand clothing, and it does not have to be in 3 bathroom house..
I try to make allowances for hormones and bad hair days..the dishes will wait..

AudrinaAdare Tue 30-Jul-13 23:28:35

My DD is thirteen and I am aware that she may well "turn" overnight but I don't get this Childline / abuse / neglect / slave labour accusation stuff. I can't imagine her not realising how well-off she is to be in a loving family. We don't have much materially (compared to the friend she visited today in the 500K house) but we are always warm and fed well and she is clothed comparatively to her peers because it's more important for her to dress a certain way.

The pre-teen who lived next door to us five years ago was taken and he was looked after well enough and very much loved by his older single father. DD's former twin best friends were split up and fostered 100 miles away, five siblings in all. She knows full well how much worse the outcomes for children in care are and has had experience of it amongst her peers. She would never joke about something like that.

She pulls her weight around the house and within the family especially given that her brother is autistic. She rebels a bit r.e the tidiness of her room and tbh I let it go as long as there are no hygiene issues, but the most she has done after a nagging is an surreptitious eye-roll (which I secretly laugh at)

I've properly cursed it now haven't I? She'll be slamming doors and swearing at me tomorrow sad

MCos Wed 31-Jul-13 00:01:35

DD1 is 11 also. That type of drama sounds oh so familiar.
I send DD1 off into another room to calm herself down.
Usually that sorts the problem

I do wonder how long that will work for.
Just yesterday, she refused to go to her bedroom, so I just insisted ANY other room.. Which worked, we were both calmer after 30 mins apart.

AudrinaAdare Wed 31-Jul-13 00:06:13

<lurks for tips when DD gets bored of eye-rolling>

FreudiansSlipper Wed 31-Jul-13 00:12:27

ds (5) told me through his tears that i had hurt his feelings

all because i would not let him go out in the garden at 9 tonight

followed by i do not love you i love my daddy blah blah blah

few minutes later he is cuddling me grin

AudrinaAdare Wed 31-Jul-13 00:22:53

You are a terrible parent FS! grin

My DS told me after a horrific meltdown that it was my fault for making him sad when I shrieked at him for trying to leap out of the window onto a main road. Apparently I should have known that he was trying to emulate the sibling of a child in his class who was trying to raise money for her sister by doing a parachute jump. He just wanted to jump to earth from a moving car and I should have known that and understood hmm

colettemum3 Wed 31-Jul-13 00:46:49

After the way my 14 yr dd has been behaving today. I so needed a post like this one. She threw a massive strop as my husband finally lost it and shouted at her. He asked her repeatedly to clean the side in the kitchen. She goes and makes a cake (making even more mess) and goes and eat some.
I tried to have a word and she ends up losing her temper at me and screams at me. Cues my husband coming in to the room and shouts at her more.

She was still in a strop when it came to getting ready for karate. She did her getting ready at a snail pace, then pretending to be asleep in the car. Then point blank refuse to putting her shoes on. Then the i'm not doing it, im not getting out the car routine. (She thinks that she doesn't need to go anymore as she thinks she know enough to protect herself)

So it ended up with me getting out the car, opening her door and saying loudly 'get out the car' . She pulled the tears routine in the toilets saying she can't do it as she been crying. Told her to wash her face and i just walked to the car to calm down. Went in at the end and she was doing it. Apparently she joined in slightly later and she was back to herself which i knew she would be as karate calms her down (although she never admit it).

My husband thinks part of her behaviour is down to a friend of hers as she is always stroppy when after she's been at her friends house or is at her friend house and doesn't want to leave.
She's just came back yesterday after being away with said friend and family for a few days.

I honestly wished my daughter would make other friends as i have never like this particular child after what she did to my daughter a few years ago and the subtle snideness from this girl still continue to this day.

AudrinaAdare Wed 31-Jul-13 00:59:04

colettemum <hug> poor you, and poor DD. It's cold comfort I know, but perhaps she is behaving this way because she feels safe to let it out knowing that you and your husband love her unconditionally. It's a horrible and helpless stage of parenting, this.

AudrinaAdare Wed 31-Jul-13 00:59:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead Wed 31-Jul-13 09:09:16

Audrina-they get whole lessons at school about who to ring if you are neglected, they are given a card with child line's number on it etc. in their dramatic little teenage brains they really do think they are being neglected if told offhmm

Ds honestly thought he was classed as a 'young carer' and filled out a form at school staying he was as he had to do jobs round the house for me.

Oh, and he has child line on speed dial on his phoneshock

NEVER underestimate the dramatic teenage brainhmm wink

ZingWidge Wed 31-Jul-13 09:27:29

I just read the title.
not read thread or even OP

but I'm fairly sure YANBU.

grin

bigbuttons Wed 31-Jul-13 09:36:17

I've had some crackers from my 11 year old this week.
I am a single parent, working, knackered. Last week I was tearing round the house trying to wrestle it into a fit state for my dad who was coming to visit. I worked non-stop for 1 and a half days. On the second day I pointed out to dd that I was exhausted and resentful doing all the housework on my own.
"If you've been working so hard then why is the house still a mess"? came the reply from dd who had not lifted one lazy frigging finger to help and had in fact crated more and more mess as i was tidying and washing round her.
I was nearly speechless with rage.
I did manage to swear ALOT though.

This week I asked her to do tidy the kitchen.
"Why'? came the reply" I didn't make the mess" I then pointed out to her that I was constantly clearing up mess that I didn't make and she should go and tidy the frigging kitchen up NOW.
She did.
She is horribly lazy and entitled, always has been. My nearly 10 year old dd though has always been very kind and helpful

Groovee Wed 31-Jul-13 09:38:41

Must be the week for it. Apparently I am an abuser because dd was asked to place her dishes in the kitchen. My friends kids and my ds put all their lunch dishes in the kitchen no problem. It's just the 13 year old. Anything to cause a tantrum in her just now.

ArrowofApollo Wed 31-Jul-13 09:39:16

You know sometimes I think Miss Trunchball had the right idea - "Small people should not veen seen by anybody. They should be kept out of sight in boxes like hairpins and buttons".

grin

youarewinning Wed 31-Jul-13 09:44:10

Are all these 11yo emotional bombs leaving Primary/juniors and going to Secondary in September?

It bet it has more to do with that and hormones than any of you actually being in contention for worst parent of the year award which is mine anyway! grin

AudrinaAdare Wed 31-Jul-13 09:44:15

You're absolutely right, valium. Dramatic teenage brain has been the cause of many shock moments. Ha ha at filling in a young carer form, that's brilliant!

daisychicken Wed 31-Jul-13 09:54:58

I think I like that Arrow!!

So far ds1 is calm, behaving and has apparently tidied his half of the bedroom.... I just wish I could get through to them that if they put things away after using them, that if they put clothes straight to wash/away etc egg.. then they wouldn't need to have such massive tidy ups!!

daisychicken Wed 31-Jul-13 09:56:04

You are probably right Youare - the swop of the big fish in a small pond to a tiny fish in a big pond....

freddiefrog Wed 31-Jul-13 10:06:08

I have an 11 year old that I'd quite like to strangle as well.

Stroppy, entitled and lazy.

She's also incredibly like me, stubborn, sarcastic with an utter to back down in an argument - what fun we're having this week. How I haven't buried her under the patio I don't know

colettemum3 Wed 31-Jul-13 10:45:19

Oh when she had calmed down after karate, we were telling her instructor that she's was an extra in a new tv show that's about to air. So then she said she couldn't believe she got a grade 7 for drama. (Neither could we) and tried the can i join a drama class again. I just ignored the question.

She's doing enough as it is and is starting her GCSE's in September so needs some time to study.

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