to want to strangle my 11 year old dd

(110 Posts)
BellaTalbert Tue 30-Jul-13 19:50:30

Need to vent as would happily like to strangle my dd as she is currently screaming and crying in the kitchen as well as trying to make herself vomit.

My dd has just had a friend around for dinner and after her friend left I asked her to help me with the washing up. My dd then totally lost it screaming that she has "bloody children's rights" and that its slave labor.

I am apparently a child abuser and the worst mother in the world. I warned her that if she continued to shout etc then she would lose her phone which now as she has lost.

My mother would have killed me if I every spoke to her like this at this age. Where did I go wrong???

Scrubber Tue 30-Jul-13 20:05:56

Kids these days! I blame the parents! grin

foslady Tue 30-Jul-13 20:08:20

Suggest she goes to her room - NOW. And as children have rights, so do adults. No breakfast cooked, tell her no clothes washed, ironed, etc, phone contract will be cancelled/not credited.......and suggest that maybe a few pots being washed is a cheap option. Sometimes you have to let rip. OK, she's disappointed about the sleepover, but basic respect is a non negotiable for me

foslady Tue 30-Jul-13 20:09:01

And here wine you deserve the bottle!

Euphemia Tue 30-Jul-13 20:10:00

DD (11) came home from holiday club today and I told her she needed to tidy her room, else there would be no shopping trip with her friend tomorrow.

Cue 45 minutes of tidying and sobbing, tidying and sobbing! At least the bloody room got tidied! grin

Not an easy age!

Buzzardbird Tue 30-Jul-13 20:11:35

What sleepover?

BlackeyedSusan Tue 30-Jul-13 20:15:09

i think you may haave gone wrong by allowing her to live to 11 already. those pesky hormones will make an appearance.

sounds like you arre doing ok with consequences. if you are going to be an evil mother, you may as welll be a really evil mother.

look on the bright side. you will be though the worst and coming to post advice when dd is doing the same. grin

foslady Tue 30-Jul-13 20:15:59

Sorry - I'd crossed this with another OP - it's been a long day.......[goes off in search of wine emocon!]

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 30-Jul-13 20:16:57

I wonder if it's Official 11 Year Old DD Kicking Off Day? Mine did the same thing today when I asked her to wear shorts to the park rather than a skirt for practical reasons. Apparently her One Direction t-shirt looks weird with her shorts because it's too long. It's the same length as many of her other tops (which I pointed out) and it looks worse tucked into a brown, cord skirt (which I also pointed out) but what do I know?

In the end (after shouting and arguing with me) she changed into her shorts and changed her top too and had calmed down within 5 minutes. I think we're getting a taste of what's to come...

shoofly Tue 30-Jul-13 20:17:37

wine - for you, then send her to her room to calm down and stack the dishes for when she does calm down

MrsSippy Tue 30-Jul-13 20:18:32

Does she normally help with the chores? If not, get a job rota stuck on the fridge door to get her into the habit of helping out.

daisychicken Tue 30-Jul-13 20:22:14

My DS - also 11 - is exactly the same... and I've had it today as well (in fact every day for a few weeks now) - its horrible and I'm reaching a point of not knowing how to deal with it...(!)

valiumredhead Tue 30-Jul-13 20:23:54

We had the same last night, the drama!!hmm

Ignore ignore ignore!

daisychicken Tue 30-Jul-13 20:23:58

MrsSippy - we have chores in our house and is expected of both DS's - makes no differnce with the 11yr old, he just doesn't care and I'm the only mum who expects chores to be done etc etc...... drives me insane......

Euphemia Tue 30-Jul-13 20:40:25

DD's like that, daisy.

"No-one else's mum expects them to empty and stack the dishwasher, tidy their room, feed the hamster, etc., etc!"

"And they've all got Samsung Galaxys or iPhone 5's." hmm

We need an emoticon like the old Yahoo Chat one - a face like hmm with a hand alongside it making the "Blah blah blah" movements! grin

marriedinwhiteisback Tue 30-Jul-13 20:53:29

Mine are older but I seem to remember putting the childline number on the fridge once and then they switched the innocent magnets to spell F.U.C.K. And blamed their dad.

Don't you just love being a parent smile

Midlifecrisisarefun Tue 30-Jul-13 21:22:33

Mine is 25 and doesn't even live at home and I could quite happily maim or murder....<gives up emoticon> He is the cause of my grey hairs... It doesn't always get better!! [not helpful emoticon]
grin

AgentZigzag Tue 30-Jul-13 21:26:03

Hahahaha my mum would have killed me too if I spoke to her like that, didn't stop me grin

Sorry to laugh at your misfortune grin

Mine's 12 <manic laughter> <slugs gin>

daisychicken Tue 30-Jul-13 21:30:12

sad don't say that Midlife!!!!!!

If it wasn't for the fact that DS1 shares a room with DS2 then I'd perhaps step back from bedroom tidying (only wash clothes in basket, no sleepovers unless room tidy etc) but I feel it's wrong for DS2 (8yr) to have to deal with DS1's mess... If there was anyway to magic in another bedroom I'd do it!!

OP - my DS's have to help unload/load dishwasher and wash up if I ask so your DD isn't completely alone in the world of child slavery!! wink grin

Euphemia Tue 30-Jul-13 21:30:14

She's so sweet too though.

She and her pal have been planning a trip on the bus to the next town tomorrow - first time ever on her own for DD. She's been excitedly planning, looking at bus timetables, etc.

PAL's just bailed as she's "been in town with her dad all afternoon". sad

DD's in tears. sad Poor lamb. sad

MillyMoo1113 Tue 30-Jul-13 21:36:16

It must be the day for it.

DF wanted me to help him look for curtains this afternoon, so I informed DS 11 that we were going with him. He screamed and cried half way to the bloody shop as he didnt want to go.

The wine was opened very soon after tea......

marriedinwhiteisback Tue 30-Jul-13 22:15:15

Oh I feel for her Euphemia. Bet it was friend's parents who chickened though. Can you do something let her do something grown up? Go on, let her have her ears pierced smile

PareyMortas Tue 30-Jul-13 22:21:13

My 11 year old dd has been beautifully behaved, even made me a cup of tea unprompted grin

Runs away cackling

dementedma Tue 30-Jul-13 22:21:24

Have survived two horrible dds at the dreaded 11_14 stage. Watches 11 year old Ds with interest to see what happens. So far, we have had a bit of door slamming and resistance to bed time but otherwise calm.

mumofthemonsters808 Tue 30-Jul-13 22:28:09

Something is in the air because my DD who is 11 in August is behaving like a spoilt brat. Every time I ask her to do something ( i.e. clothes in the laundry basket after a shower, instead of the unpaid maid picking them up) it is followed by lots of allegations that I hate her so much, I am always nasty to her, never speak nicely to her,I am not like anyone else's Mum. I've come to the conclusion, it is an avoidance technique that distracts me from the job I want doing and draws me into a confrontation. Glad to hear it is not just us.

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