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AIBU to refuse MIL & FIL to stay in our home while we're abroad for 3 weeks?

(554 Posts)
lineup Tue 30-Jul-13 19:38:11

Just found out that MIL has asked DH if they could stay in our house while we're on hols in August & he has agreed - I've only just found out

I'm not having it - trying to get DH to phone them to say sorry it's just too short notice, another time would be best

FFS - she is very snoopy - i dont trust her one bit, so AIBU?

why would I allow her to stay here whilst I'm not here? Bloody cheeky of her to ask in the first place

phantomnamechanger Tue 30-Jul-13 19:41:04

but another time would not be best - so he needs to be truthful

"given that you are a snooping cow we have decided its probably best to say no"

or "DW says not on your nelly"

I would not like this idea one jot.

ShimmeringInTheSun Tue 30-Jul-13 19:41:07

Why would she want to do that? do you live in an area where people go for holidays?

Even if you did, my answer would be an out and out NO!!! YADNBU!!!

She is definitely being cheeky!

phantomnamechanger Tue 30-Jul-13 19:42:02

charge her the going rate?

MrsSippy Tue 30-Jul-13 19:42:15

why do they want to stay at yours?

If they are having lots of work done on house I can understand them asking (but still a bit of a cheek when you're not there) but if it's just for a change of scenery then YANBU

YANBU, I love my in laws but no way would I let them move into my home for that long. My home is my sanctuary and I just know that MIL would rearrange everything and go poking about 'just to be helpful'.

Your DH really should have had the courtesy and consideration to discuss it with you first, even better, your MIL should have approached you both with the request.

YANBU don't they have their own house?

DuelingFanjo Tue 30-Jul-13 19:44:19

Why do they need to stay?

specialsubject Tue 30-Jul-13 19:45:13

'no' is perfectly allowable!

Just say no, its weird unless you live somewhere touristy and by a beach..

It'll be hard otherwise, for dh ti say no can you lock doors and drawers to stop her being a nosey nelly.

Sirzy Tue 30-Jul-13 19:45:44

It depends why she wants/needs to stay there.

Bogeyface Tue 30-Jul-13 19:47:03

"I'm sorry but I have discussed this with DH and it doesnt work for us"

repeat to fade

Iwaswatchingthat Tue 30-Jul-13 19:48:47

Oh my word YANBU!!!!

This would be my idea of hell and totally spoil my holiday.

You have to decide what would be worse - offending them a little by being honest enough to say you're not comfortable with them staying whilst you are away, OR the thought that whilst your on holiday they are in your home.

Your DH is going to have to sort this out - they are his parents and he spoke without asking you. I bet he is popular at the moment!!!!

Good luck OP.

lineup Tue 30-Jul-13 19:49:31

thank you all so much, I've been in a right tizzwazzzzz about this

we dont live in a tourist area, or an attractive holiday hotspot, they're just chancing it, and hoping to ask him as he's a soft spot really

i've told him if it goes ahead he can take the DCs abroad without me...that's how furious I am

MIL very sneaky if that makes sense, and I think she should have asked ME if it was suitable. She'll be rummaging through my documents/using our spa bath/most likely using my beauty products etc etc SHE IS VERY SLY

DH & I happily married for 10yrs btw and this is really our 3rd major argument. Due to leave for the holiday tomorrow...thanks everyone I thought i was overreacting on this one

HansieMom Tue 30-Jul-13 19:50:01

Why didn't he ask you? My DH used to do this kind of thing, and from the vantage point of my great years ; ), I can advise you Do Not Put Up With It!

Iwaswatchingthat Tue 30-Jul-13 19:50:38

I would be tempted to change the locks!!! grin

How would you feel if your husband flatly refused to allow YOUR mother to stay in your house while you were away on holiday?

And why on earth wouldn't you let family stay? Do you have a BDSM dungeon/vast array of sex toys/filthy kitchen? Have you sublet your attic to illegal immigrants?

lineup Tue 30-Jul-13 19:51:51

it's just a privacy/boundary issue as well as an etiquette thing

if I wanted a housesitter I would have arranged one.

It's very strange in that case.

I agree that they can't use your utilities for a three week break,. Be firm and tell them no fuckin chance!

Ignore the whining!!

Tommy Tue 30-Jul-13 19:53:31

We've been to my PILs loads of times when they've not been there for a holiday - I wouldn't have a problem with returning the favour. Perhaps you can lock up "private" things in one room or something if you're really worried?

phantomnamechanger Tue 30-Jul-13 19:53:37

how did you find out?

I'm wondering was this meant to be their little secret - dh thinking what you didn't know wouldn't hurt you, and MIL gloating as she'd got one up on you and reckons she's first in her sons estimation, above you

lineup Tue 30-Jul-13 19:53:40

have mentioned it to my DM who was flabbergasted at MIL audacity and would not have felt comfortable having her MIL in her home whilst abroad

Bogeyface Tue 30-Jul-13 19:54:06

Lapsed Would you want someone staying in your house that you KNOW will go through you private things, your paperwork and use your cosmetics? I dont let my own mother spend time here on her own as she is just like that.

Bue Tue 30-Jul-13 19:54:13

Well, if she's a snoop then that is one thing, but otherwise what on earth is the problem with this? I would like to have someone I knew staying in my house if I were away for three weeks. It is much more secure!

Bogeyface Tue 30-Jul-13 19:54:49

Has she been told No yet Lineup?

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