to have collected all the dummies and thrown in full view of dd2 in the rubbish bin outside?

(80 Posts)
flowerandrandd Tue 30-Jul-13 13:13:06

my dd2 is 4. she is extremely strong willed, at times very difficult to deal with. We have tried to get rid of the dummy on numerous occassion, we go on holiday on sunday and i am sick to death with her constant anxiousness over where her dummy is, turning the house over to bloody find it etc.
we have tried only giving it her at night but she is the kind of child who will continually ask on and on and on and she breaks you!

anyway i am desperate for some tips because she is hysterical and is screaming that she is still little and needs it but we have to go cold turkey.... she is also shouting that she is never sleeping again and that her daddy will get them out the bin... please help me!

Youhaventseenme Tue 30-Jul-13 13:14:29

Jesus Christ she is two.

SirBoobAlot Tue 30-Jul-13 13:15:49

Yes, I think you were unreasonable and rather cruel. I do understand the desire to get rid of them, DS is 3.5 and still very attached to his. But especially if she's anxious about where it is, then it's obviously a comfort thing.

And doing it just before going on holiday was rather foolish on your part as well, tbh. My mum threw mine out of the window on the motorway when I was about three... Then ended up buying more when we got to our destination because I sobbed hysterically for the next two and a half hours.

Feeling very sorry for your daughter right now.

she is 4!

WorraLiberty Tue 30-Jul-13 13:16:38

I've got no advice I'm afraid

You really should have tackled this a couple of years ago, but obviously you know that now sad

Peachyjustpeachy Tue 30-Jul-13 13:16:47

when is bin day?

i'd make sure she waves them off with the bin man.

we did the cold turkey approach, but we parcelled up all her dummies in a big bag and asked santa to take them to little kids who needed them. he then left a bubblegum machine in its place. luckily enough she only liked the gum till it lost its flavour. but it took her mind off the craving. she was 5

WorraLiberty Tue 30-Jul-13 13:17:40

And yes, throwing them all in the bin was cruel.

Youhaventseenme Tue 30-Jul-13 13:18:25

Even still, there are better ways of dealing with it.

If she keeps you awake every night on holidays, I would say it is Karma.

ilovechips Tue 30-Jul-13 13:18:46

I think it's a bit harsh tbh...my own view is that she will stop using the dummy when she wants to, either because she outgrows it or peer pressure or whatever. Throwing it away in full view is a bit cruel.

EverybodysGoneSurfing Tue 30-Jul-13 13:19:20

My brother lost his his last dummy at 4.5 and mum didn't replace it. Two difficult nights of sleep and then he forgot all about it. You could maybe have done it more kindly, but it is done now, so don't go back!

Pigsmummy Tue 30-Jul-13 13:19:22

The way you have dealt with it is as though you are punishing her? You need to try to console her and tell her its not a punishment, can you give her something to replace it with? A special teddy to go to bed with or something?

KirstyJC Tue 30-Jul-13 13:19:32

We threw all of DS2s dummies in the bin, and DS3s. They were 2.5 and about 2.1yo.

We actually kept a couple back, just in case, but told them they were big boys now and didn't need them, as they were only for babies.

It worked really well - they asked a couple of times each and we just reminded them that they had been put in the bin, and pulled a funny face saying something like 'er yuk in the dirty bin' to make it a joke, and that was it.

I think it was a bit harsh to throw them away in a temper but I get where you are coming from - a friend of ours had a 6yo with a dummy as she didn't want to upset him! - but now it's done, stay firm. Maybe try and tell her it's only for babies and she is all grown up now or something?

Good luck

Ok...here is my two penneth worth.

tackle it when you get back from hols for a start.

My DS was 4 when we got rid of his dummy as it was starting to affect his teeth. We did it at Easter, made a big deal of it, said he could have one present per dummy....he had about 8, totally dummy obsessed. We then took him out and in front of them posted them down the drain so that he knew they were gone and then he got his presents. He only ever asked once for his dummy but it was tough as we didn't have any more left. He was fine after that.

Don't save one for emergencies but don't just get rid of them. Big it up, praise her to high heaven for being such a good girl and of course, good old fashioned bribery will help too.

frogsareace Tue 30-Jul-13 13:20:56

my mum did a five day count down for me - 5 days and nights without and i got a climbing frame. big picture with numbers under - ticked off everyday with big fuss and pictures. Never used them again and had an awesome pressie.

I would get her a dummy for the holiday otherwise you'll have terrible problems.

Then after that, sit her down and tell her that the dummy has to go, that it's spoiling her teeth, she's too old now or whatever excuse you need to use, without scaring her of course.

I too put my ds's dummies in the bin at 3 after the dentist suggested they were damaging their teeth, they knew and saw me do it and luckily didn't ever ask again but they were placid by nature.

Sympathies OP.

picnicbasketcase Tue 30-Jul-13 13:22:32

Maybe you could have given more warning, like doing the dummy fairy thing, telling her the dummies would be going when the fairy collected them but the fairy would leave her a new toy or something? It worked when my DD wouldn't drink out of cups and wanted drinks in bottles when she was a toddler. No experience with trying to get rid of dummies but I imagine its similar.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Tue 30-Jul-13 13:26:26

Oh god, I have never found the best way of dealing with this so I have no idea if this will backfire on you or not.

With ds1 he went to bed one night without his dummy when he was 2 and that was it! I was at work,

With ds2 he got to 5 and all attempts to rid him of his dummy had lead to sobbing and an inability to sleep. I gave in and gave it back because I'm weak it upset me hearing him cry. I know I left it too long but it's tough when they are very attached.

Thank god for my mum though, they went to stay with her one holidays and she just told ds2 they were gone. That was it, he coped and we haven't looked back!

Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

Are they doing any damage to her teeth?
Are they doing any damage at all??
Probably not.
Choose your battles - you'll have plenty to deal with soon enough. This should not be a battle.

When getting DD off of bottles, we told her a story about the birds needing them to feed the baby birds and she happily left them all on the garden table that night to be taken away.

There are ways of going about things and what you did has just wound her up.

But... if you are determined and really want this, then don't back down.
Make sure your husband supports you and try to come up with distractions.

Good luck on holiday!

flowerandrandd Tue 30-Jul-13 13:34:29

so unclear she 4.5 not 2!

Edendance Tue 30-Jul-13 13:35:42

Sunday is ages away- I wouldn't worry about it affecting that tbh. It should take 3 nights to break the habit. I would say that chucking them in the bin like that was a bit cruel for a child her age...

BUT now you've done it I would see it through. If you go back on your word after making this big gesture then it can be even more confusing for the child.

I suggest- going shopping for a new thing, make sure she's aware that its to have now she's a big girl and doesn't use dummies anymore etc. Tell everyone- all friends and relatives so they can make a big fuss about how grown up she is. This will all help you in the daytime but I'm afraid at night times you're just going to have to stick it out. Honestly 3 nights should sort it. (Yes, yes I know that's not true for everyone!) do not back down now, it's the worst thing you could do.

So yes, perhaps it was a bit unnecessary, it would have been far easier to get rid when she was younger for a start. But now you've done it I'd see it through. It goes without saying that your husband has to back you up on this.

jacks365 Tue 30-Jul-13 13:36:01

You've done it so I wouldn't recommend undoing it now. I would go for distraction so take her out or do something fun like baking, walk to the park. Good luck I've got this to come dd4 who is 21 months has dummies and getting dd2 to let them go was hell.

ouryve Tue 30-Jul-13 13:37:29

I know it's frustrating that she's so dependent on them, but there are far better and gentler ways of dealing with it. You've probably just increased her anxiety tenfold.

Fairylea Tue 30-Jul-13 13:39:02

Does it matter if she has them? I'd let her carry on and buy more so you always have some in stock so it's not a case of turning the house upside down to find one.

My dd aged 10 still has her comfort blanket. She now only sucks it at home but it's her special thing. It doesn't do any harm.

My ex and I separated when she was a baby and when she was about 4 he told her she couldn't havethe blanket anymore and she came home very upset with it in a box. I took it out of the box and she's had it ever since.... we just don't tell her dad!

flowerandrandd Tue 30-Jul-13 13:39:34

thanks for your replies, i know it was harsh, so i brought them back in for her to see, we have sat down and watched some youtube things on dummies, she is currently drawing a picture for the letter we are posting the dummy fairy with the dummies, ordered her a moshi scooter which dh is picking up ready to be presented to her in the morning.
much better approach as she has told where her 'secret' dummies are and we are going to round them all up.

moral of the story i am a terrible mom when pushed to the edge but it was really getting out of control! thanks again x

lottieandmia Tue 30-Jul-13 13:41:43

I have a 4 year old dd who is exactly like yours OP! She too is fierce about the dummy, doesn't want to give it up and will turn over the house to look for it etc. I would prefer it if she didn't have it but as battles go I don't think this is one worth fighting and so I am going to let her grow out of it in her own time. She's my youngest and I also have an older disabled child so it's not high on my list of priorities I guess. I don't let her have it outdoors though and discourage the use of it except to sleep.

I think that the way you handled it probably wasn't ideal - it's annoying for you but the dummy is her emotional security. Thumb sucking is probably worse - I would leave her to it and don't make a big deal of it. If you ignore it it will die out in its own time.

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