To consider not going to my big sister's wedding?

(87 Posts)
ClaireMammaBear Mon 29-Jul-13 23:31:17

I would love a bit of impartial advice on this one. My sister is getting married on 26th October and my due date is 30th September. I am really stressing myself out thinking about whether or not I will be able to attend the wedding, we live in Bedfordshire and the wedding is in Edinburgh so a very long drive/ train journey with a newborn and still recovering from labour, especially if little one is late. I definitely do not want to leave him with someone when he is that young. Loads of family members have told me it will be OK and they can travel that young but it sounds like a nightmare! They have also said not to make any decision until baby is born so I can see how I feel about it but I would rather tell her sooner rather than later so we don't waste her money and so we can cancel the hotel. To add to it my sister has also fallen out with my Dad and has asked him not to attend the wedding, I am still close to my Dad so I am worried that she will think I am siding which is absolutely not the case.

Its my sisters wedding and I would love to go but at the end of the day baby has to come first now so I am thinking it might be best to sit it out. AIBU?

honeytea Wed 31-Jul-13 14:04:50

The only thing that would put me off is the amount of germs your new baby will come into contact with, a train journey or flight and then a wedding would scare me as October is the beginning of the winter virus season.

I felt fantastic after ds's birth, I took him out loads and to big family parties, he caught rs virus at 5 week's old and went blue because his airways clogged up, he was in hospital for a week on oxygen and very nearly needed to be tube fed.

If I have another baby in the winter I will be keeping them away from large groups of people as much as possible.

martini84 Wed 31-Jul-13 12:01:47

I would do it. Maybe fly or train it. Obviously cancel nearer the time if physically stuggling after birth.

scarlettsmummy2 Wed 31-Jul-13 12:00:04

I would go- in fact wouldn't even have considered not going after both babies, although I did have straight forward deliveries, though second degree tears.

martini84 Wed 31-Jul-13 11:57:17

I would do it. Maybe fly or train it. Obviously cancel nearer tge time if physically stuggling after birth.

whoneedssleepanyway Wed 31-Jul-13 11:11:49

I went to my brother's wedding when Dd2 was 2.5 weeks old, I travelled 250 miles on train to get there.

It was fine, I was worried but DD slept a lot, I BF her whenever needed in a private room they arranged and left the do at about 930 and took DDs back to sleep. Looking back I can't remember loads but am glad I went have lovely photos of us all there and think if I hadn't gone I would look back and regret missing it.

In your circa I would go.

HolidayArmadillo Tue 30-Jul-13 15:24:23

We took dd to a wedding at 4 days old and drove to Ireland when she was 6 days old {long way from our house}. See how you go. I'm sure you'll be fine. If my sister cancelled on me at t is stage I'd just assume that she didn't really want to come and I'd be quite hurt and pissed off. If after the baby was born and she was struggling I'd be much more understanding.

cottoncandy Tue 30-Jul-13 15:14:48

I agree with the posters who are saying wait and see - I would have thought it would be fine unless baby is late and you have a difficult delivery. I think tell your sister you really hope to go but hope she understands that if things don't go to plan you might have to cancel.

I took DC1 to a wedding in North Yorks (we are SW London) at 2 weeks old and it was fine (exhausting but fine!), then DC2 to a christening in Manchester at 2 weeks old (harder work with DC1 in tow!!). I was bridesmaid to DSis when DC2 was 6 weeks. At my DSis's wedding a couple turned up with their baby who had been born less than 48 hours earlier (I was very impressed) so it can be done!

cathpip Tue 30-Jul-13 14:40:07

My sister travelled 250 miles for my wedding with a 4 week old, my sister was supposed to be 8 months pregnant but dc arrived very early. The only problem is if you need a section, then I would not want to travel that distance.

Beastofburden Tue 30-Jul-13 14:28:49

Book a hotel where you can cancel up to the last minute, then you don't have to decide.

Plan to travel in as much luxury as you can afford. Otherwise you won't fancy it, however well delivery etc go. Perhaps save money on new outfit (won't fit, if it fits now, will never fit again, will get sicked on in any case) and fly up, with a car to meet you.

Tell her that if baby comes early/ on time and if feeding and recovery go well, you'll be there. But nobody can be definite in these circs, so that's the best you can do.

Be prepared, if its your first, that you may seriously just not feel like meeting a whole load of strangers and doing a big journey. If that is how you feel, listen to your body and stay home. You shouldn't overtax yourself just after birth, it can make you vulnerable to low moods or worse.

Enjoy the baby!

mrsjay Tue 30-Jul-13 14:17:56

there is a great bus service outside edinburgh airport to the city centre and you dont need passports to fly when we went to belfast years ago it was just me and Dhs Id we needed we didnt for the children although we had them with is,

pooka Tue 30-Jul-13 14:12:06

You don't need passports for internal flights. With my dcs, only 1 has a valid passport at the moment but we fly semi-regularly to Cornwall. I take birth certificates in case, but have never needed them, just my own photo driving license.

curryeater Tue 30-Jul-13 14:10:31

Won't there be a problem with flying because the baby can't have a passport till (s)he has a birth certificate and can't have a birth certificate till (s)he is born? Chasing around doing all that admin the day after you gave birth won't be any fun. Also airports are in stupid places and train stations are in city centres.

pooka Tue 30-Jul-13 13:55:43

Why not fly? If you no far enough in advance the flights should be less than the cost of petrol I think.

Squitten Tue 30-Jul-13 13:54:29

I wouldn't make any firm decisions just yet - you may find you can do it.

I sympathise though. My brother is getting married 2 DAYS after my third DC is due. I'm not planning to go!

Branleuse Tue 30-Jul-13 13:53:43

actually, no, baby would be £20

Branleuse Tue 30-Jul-13 13:53:04

you can fly luton to edinburgh for less than £30 with easyjet. babies free

Branleuse Tue 30-Jul-13 13:50:48

I went to my grandmothers funeral and wake with my 4 day old ds2. and to France to visit other relatives by the time he was 6 weeks. Didnt wait much longer after dd either.

I think if I was your sister, I would want you there so would make provisions for you and hang the expense if you really didn't feel up to it.

She may not be quite so understanding if she doesn't have any children herself though.

(I also made a long journey, driving myself, when my twins were about 5 weeks old. Our car broke down on the motorway so a 3 hour journey was a 10 hour nightmare! Plus, it was snowing.)

mrsjay Tue 30-Jul-13 13:41:22

Op look into flying up it might be just as cheap to fly than train although you wont know how many to book for it takes an hour and a bit by plane

curryeater Tue 30-Jul-13 13:36:10

The baby will be fine (probably) - the question is how you are.
I don't think you can promise to go.
If you can leave it open, do. But then you have to sort of decide whether you are going with the expectation of enjoying it, or as a duty. It may be possible, but nasty and you decide not to. That is fine. But you might have to lie and say "I couldn't do it" rather than "I could have gone, but I would have cried with exhaustion for a week afterwards so decided I couldn't face it". Make your peace with that in your own heart, but be pragmatic and prepared about how you express it.

Prepare a card and present in advance and send them on in advance with something lovely written in the card so you can forget about all that whether you go or not.

If you go, book a train seat and take help - trained help - help that will not expect you to lift a finger. You will not change a nappy, fetch a cup of tea, even rummage in a bag. If your dp is the "did we bring...?" sort, expecting you to spend the trip with your arse in the air pulling things out of bags and producing wipes, snacks, etc, then reverse that now. You will be sitting in state. He will be rummaging in bags producing items to satisfy your every whim and making sure you are never, even momentarily, without tea and cake. Get a mei tai and tell him that if the baby needs to be rocked to sleep he will be walking up and down the train with it. (this is unlikely. the baby will probably just fall asleep on you between feeds) If you do not see your dp doing all this, don't go, or get someone else, or get someone to tell him what to do and that this is his job.

ilovechips Tue 30-Jul-13 13:12:43

I took dd2 to a wedding at 4 weeks...it was close family and I desperately didn't want to miss it. It was at the other end of the country to us so we booked flights - sounds extravagant but tbh it worked out not much more expensive than the train and it took 50 minutes. Dd was fine, slept the whole flight. I did have a normal delivery though, which helped I am sure.

theluckiest Tue 30-Jul-13 13:01:13

Yep, I reiterate much of what has been said. You will need to play it by ear. I was due around the date of my friend's wedding and it looked very likely we couldn't make it. However, I had high blood pressure, was induced and had Ds early.

Which meant I went to the wedding with 2 week old Ds. Was 3 hour drive away and it was absolutely fine. In fact, much, much easier with a tiny one as, as long as he was fed regularly, he just slept in a carrycot (in fact, we popped him under the table during the meal!)

I agree that it is much trickier when they get older, wrigglier and need 'entertaining'. A tiny newborn is a piece of piss (in relative terms!). The important thing is that YOU feel okand up to it. But don't make it a definite no just yet.

dreamingofsun Tue 30-Jul-13 11:45:31

we did a 3 hour trip and 30th birthday party (with accommodation for the weekend) with our first born when they were they were a month old. we also went to france for our holidays when they all our kids were 2 months old.

its perfectly doable. i found it more hard work when they were toddlers to be honest, running around everywhere

OrangeLily Tue 30-Jul-13 11:33:18

My niece attended my wedding at six weeks old. Her parents decided not to come originally but we said we'd keep spaces for them and the week before decided to come. It was a 4 hour drive for them but they broke it up so took about 6 hours. They are now really glad they came but at no point were yet pressurised. As long as your sister is happy for you to tell her later I would keep your options open.

mrsjay Tue 30-Jul-13 11:30:58

tell your sister of course you want to go to her wedding but you will need to see when the baby comes and just leave it at that she will need to accept it, your baby might not come on your due date or whatever

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