To consider not going to my big sister's wedding?

(87 Posts)
ClaireMammaBear Mon 29-Jul-13 23:31:17

I would love a bit of impartial advice on this one. My sister is getting married on 26th October and my due date is 30th September. I am really stressing myself out thinking about whether or not I will be able to attend the wedding, we live in Bedfordshire and the wedding is in Edinburgh so a very long drive/ train journey with a newborn and still recovering from labour, especially if little one is late. I definitely do not want to leave him with someone when he is that young. Loads of family members have told me it will be OK and they can travel that young but it sounds like a nightmare! They have also said not to make any decision until baby is born so I can see how I feel about it but I would rather tell her sooner rather than later so we don't waste her money and so we can cancel the hotel. To add to it my sister has also fallen out with my Dad and has asked him not to attend the wedding, I am still close to my Dad so I am worried that she will think I am siding which is absolutely not the case.

Its my sisters wedding and I would love to go but at the end of the day baby has to come first now so I am thinking it might be best to sit it out. AIBU?

phantomnamechanger Mon 29-Jul-13 23:36:36

I would not even contemplate going TBH, really I wouldn't!
Baby might be 2 weeks late - you might have a rough time(hopefully not, but recovery is not always easy!) - you will certainly be trying to get to grips with being a new mum and the tiredness and hormones and trying to get into a routine.

you don't need the added stress of family politics - if they cant see you need to put you and baby first, just try to shrug it off.

Can you just explain to her how you are feeling and ask to decide after the birth? I would be fine with this if I were bride

BlackeyedSusan Mon 29-Jul-13 23:37:29

two weeks late and a c section? ouch.

two weeks late and infected stitches.

sugarandspite Mon 29-Jul-13 23:38:41

Could you say to her that you're hoping to go but will have to see how you are recovering once DC has arrived?

You might have an easy, straightforward birth and enjoy the trip up (I'd def go by train so you can sit and feed comfortably without having to worry about stopping at services again )

Or DC might be very late, you might have a c section or a tougher birth and be shattered and still in your pjs.

I really think you should wait and see. It would be a shame not to go if you can make the journey as easy as possible if you are feeling well. And honestly, newborns are the MOST portable of any stage. I would much rather do a long trip with a newborn than a toddler!

saggyhairyarse Mon 29-Jul-13 23:41:40

I would make the effort to go. Baby will hopefully be a month old by then and, besides, it is your sisters wedding!

Baby will more than likely sleep a lot in the car and you can stop regularly on the way if need be. More than likely you will be fully recovered from labour by then and feeding will be established.

Often we worry about things in advance when they are new experiences but 9 times out of 10 the reality is not half as bad as what we had imagined it would be (this has been true for me going through all the major milestones with babies like weaning, establishing sleep routines, going on first holiday with baby, potty training, starting nursery school etc to name but a few).

Of course you are going to be concerned if it is not something you've done before but it would be a shame for you to decline the invite when everything is likely to be fine and you might actually enjoy yourself (and get to show off baby at the same time).

JassyRadlett Mon 29-Jul-13 23:43:03

What does your sister say?

Honestly, you just can't say whether you'll be up to it or not. If you're overdue and/or have a C section, then I think it would be pretty difficult.

That said you may be a bit early or have an amazing recovery. You may have a baby who is brilliant in the car - I went away with DS when he was 7 weeks and he was a dream on the journey, though awful on short car trips.

If your sister needs a definite answer now I'd say no, because there are too many uncertainties. But if she's keen to be flexible so that if you do feel up to it at the last moment, you can go,then it might be nice to keep that option open as long as you don't think it will increase the pressure on you closer to the time or heighten your sister's disappointment.

I didn't attend my brother's wedding for (different) good reasons. My other brother didn't attention mine, for ditto reasons. We all understood, and we're all still close.

saggyhairyarse Mon 29-Jul-13 23:43:27

^ + two weeks late and c-section delivery aside wink

2468Motorway Mon 29-Jul-13 23:43:35

Honesty wait and see. You might feel good and want lots of family cooing over your little bundle. Or you might have your baby 2 weeks over with a complicated delivery and just want to stay close to home.

Just wait, people would understand if you felt rubbish and didn't want to come a few days before. You are her sister. On the other hand don't miss out if you don't have to.

I took my first baby into work the week she was born. I felt ok and it was lovely to see people who really knew me (rather than midwife and health visitor).

If you have to give a definite answer now, I'd say no. It would be better to decide after the birth if you can, though, as some people sail through ok.

Do remember that babies can't be in a car seat for more than 2 hours without a break, so the journey there might take a while. Also, I bled very heavily (think gushing) for about 3 weeks after the birth, to an extent it would have made attending a wedding difficult. It's also difficult to anticipate how you'll cope with sleep deprivation.

canyou Mon 29-Jul-13 23:45:33

I would wait and see how you feel tbh, My DSis was a bridesmaid when her dd was 9days old at our older DSis wedding and all went well, she bought her Sil as an extra help/baby carrying person and everyone who would have been visiting her and the new baby at home saw the baby at the wedding and did not bother her at home. Also the photographer took some beautiful pics of. the baby which older DSis paid for

Tobagostreet Mon 29-Jul-13 23:46:36

I'm sure your sister will understand that you will need to wait till nearer the time to fully confirm your attendance.

Just make sure she knows that you do really want to be there, but the obvious complexity of being so close to your due date, may make it too difficult.

To counter some of the other posts, you may have your DC early (my 1st was near 2 weeks early!) and may be fit and we'll to attend smile.

Twirlyhot Mon 29-Jul-13 23:48:00

Have you thought about [[http://www.scotrail.co.uk/caledoniansleeper/index.html the sleeper train? You could pick it up at Rugby or Milton Keynes. You would have a berth instead of a seat and might find it easier to cope with.

Twirlyhot Mon 29-Jul-13 23:49:06
3boys3dogshelp Mon 29-Jul-13 23:49:37

I have managed to have very bad timing with both my babies so far - I was a bridesmaid when ds1 was 5 weeks old (2 1/2hours from home) and again when ds2 was 6 weeks (about 6 1/2 hours from home, in the woods!!). First time I was dreading it, but bride was my best friend. It was fine, actually fun in the end. Second time I was much less worried. I agree tiny babies are amazingly portable as long as you feed them they are asleep most of the time, ESP in the car.
I would speak to your sister, tell her you want to go but might not be able to if baby is late etc and see what she says. If she is easy going about you possibly changing plans at short notice I'd try to go. She us your sister and will only be doing this once.

tableandsofa Mon 29-Jul-13 23:49:50

We traveled abroad when DT's were 3 weeks old after I had a CS, it was easy so don't worry. Traveling with babies when they are tiny is much easier than when they are toddlers. If you stress about it then it's going to be so much harder than it needs to be. Have a great time at the wedding smile

MrsMongoose Mon 29-Jul-13 23:51:32

I'd go. I'd have been devastated if my sister missed my wedding. She's my best friend in the world.

Twirlyhot Mon 29-Jul-13 23:51:44
BuildMeUpButtercup Mon 29-Jul-13 23:54:09

Honestly? I would go! (Assuming you're not bedridden or whatever!) Your baby should be approximately a month old by then.
It's only one single day and an overnight stay. It's your sister's wedding. Go.
(Said by someone with two children.)

LazyMonkeyButler Mon 29-Jul-13 23:54:25

It's your sister. If it were my sister, yes I would go. However, I appreciate that all three of my DCs have been induced early & all three have been vaginal births. Therefore, recovery time is minimal.

I'm not sure how I would feel travelling from Beds to Edinburgh with a newborn after a C-section, for example. But if it was humanly possible, I would be there.

I know it's different, as I hadn't actually given birth at the time BUT I was in hospital (on the ante-natal ward) the night before my DB's wedding with pre-eclampsia. I was discharged at 7am on the day of the wedding & went back to hospital at 9am the day after. There was no way I was going to miss it!

thebody Mon 29-Jul-13 23:55:27

wait and see as you can't possibly predict these things.

reassure her you want to go and will do so if at all possible

ignore the dad complication that's between them.

libertine73 Mon 29-Jul-13 23:58:05

just leave the hotel booked, chances are all would be fine, I would go. can't you get flights?

Swallowing Mon 29-Jul-13 23:58:23

That is a month apart, even if the baby is late you could still do it. My 3 week old was brought 4000 miles to meet her family.

Tweasels Tue 30-Jul-13 00:01:50

Your sister will have to understand that you won't know until after the baby is born. I think if the baby is late it will be a struggle.

However, if baby is on time or early, it's actually easier travelling with a new born than an older baby, especially if you're choosing to breastfeed.

I know not quite the same but we took DD to stay in a hotel for 3 nights when she was 8 weeks. It was so easy, easier than taking her now at 2

SeeJaneWin Tue 30-Jul-13 00:09:05

Talk to your sister. Is it your first baby? Honestly, even if you are late, you could still feel absolutely fine to go in the car or on the train (Top tip - book early and go First class when travelling with baby). It so depends on how your pregnancy is going, and how you feel after the birth, which is not something you can plan in advance, unless you already know you are will have a c-section or will need extra time to recover for any reason. If you let her know that you may need to decide at the last minute, will she be ok with that? These things make all the difference. Good luck!

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