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to feel hopeless and weepy after another horrid day with my daughter(122 Posts)
I love my daughter beyond description and feel very blessed that she is healthy and so am I. However, since she was born 13 months ago I feel like I've been waiting for her to get to the next stage and be happier but it just isn't happening.For eexample, when she was newborn she wanted to be carried 24/7 and I thought it'd get better when she could sit up. It didn't. I thought she might be more content once she started solids. She won't eat. I thought she might sleep better when a bit older. She doesn't. She is attached to me literally 24/7 all day every day. I have a constant headache from her whining. She won't eat any food despite me reducing feeds dramatically. I can't go anywhere, do anything or talk to anyone because of her constant whining. The past few weeks I've been thinking it might get better once she can walk independently but I think I'm just kidding myself. It's not as if I could even put her in nursery to get a break from her because she won't eat. I feel absolutely hopeless and dread another day of the same tomorrow. AIBU to feel miserable despite having a much wanted and loved child?
Hi OP, sorry that you're having such a tough time. I just wanted to agree with an earlier post that they do behave differently at nursery! Mine DD 2.4 eats all sorts at nursery and it has really helped with her development. Also speaking to your HV or GP if you're worried about her eating may help you x
I vote playpen just for a bit, you need a rest.
Having read a bit more, have you ruled out an intolerance of some kind?
Does she seem like she is in pain/discomfort? Is she gassy?
Actually - just reading some more PPs - ProudMum74 at 9.48am talked about her DD finding her food too bland (sorry, PM74!).
My DD loves adult-strength chili and other quite exotic-for-a-UK-baby/toddle/preschooler foods, including Stilton cheese, wasabi (yes, really!), sushi, curry and so on. She actually chanced upon a bird's eye chili by accident one day (I thought I'd fished them all out of her portion), screamed for a minute, then carried on eating her chili!
Might be worth a shot to give her some humous, guacamole and the like, with or without breadsticks. DD loves Swedish ryebread - the harder the better. Anything crunchy, spicy, pungent.....olives, chopped bell peppers, unsalted corn chips, sugar snap peas.
Yikes - sounds like my DD - she's four and a bit now.
It was bonkers! She still is quite bonkers as well...very demanding.
She was also slow to wean - didn't really start solids until she started nursery at eight months of age.
She went to nursery for two afternoons to start with - ten precious hours of relative peace (even though I was working!). Like some PPs have said, a couple of afternoons or mornings, as long as she has a feed beforehand, won't do her much harm at all, and it's possible that seeing her peers and new chums will encourage her to start eating solids a bit more.
Total sympathies - my head, neck and shoulders were agony sometimes - you need a break.
I know how trapped you're feeling, but you're actually not trapped, my love.
Is she happy when she is doing something fun with you?
Does she drink lots of milk?
Ds4 was just like this. The whining was horrendous! He's 7 now and a lovely even tempered boy.
He refused to eat anything except porridge. Like you I was worried that he wouldn't eat anything else (although he would take custard sometimes). My HV told me to mix a tiny drop of other foods into his porridge. So 3 times a day he had porridge but had whatever we were having mixed in. We started with a tiny amount and slowly build up the porridge/other food ratio.
Yes, it was gross (porridge/shepherds pie mix anyone?) but it worked! He is now a good eater who still loves porridge. I
She needs to go to nursery part time to give you a break. Think of the money as being for the benefit of your older child, if you can't justify doing it for your own sanity.
I would log everything she eats/drinks and establish if she really is not eating and drinking enough calories. The unhappiness and lack of sleep could be due to hunger if this is the case it is important to know this. There may be a medical reason why she cannot eat. I know of a case where the NHS took until a child was 8 to establish the medical reason for no appetite. Until you log it all it is difficult to determine if the lack of intake could be the problem. Also need to see how weight compares to height to assess this not just weight in isolation.
I expect most people will be horrified but I'd get a playpen. I got one for my DD because we had moved house and having work done. Didn't leave her in it for very long at a time. About half an hour at most and not on her own in the room for more than a few minutes. It wasn't an instant cure by any means but at least it gave me a bit of time to do what I had to do.
It's not really doing your nerves or health any good putting up with this level of aggravation. My DD hardly ever had a sleep during the day after about the age of one. I agree about not stressing over food I at the age of one. If she wants yoghurts just spoon feed them.
Things do change with babies/ children.
It just happens very slowly.
But mine are now 14 and 11 and building a tree house (of sorts !) at the end of the garden !
Not that that's any better really !
I'm sure she'll get better at eating soon too (and then be much more stable and less dependent on you), and be more independent when she gets walking soon. Two immanent things to be looking forward to !
you sound very down, OP, understandably. You really need a break. I think you should consider getting someone else to care for her for a couple of days a week (family/CM?) a different person and routine might have a good effect on her eating but more than anything it will give you some time to yourself which it sounds like you really need.
going back to work saved my sanity. DD had some of the traits you mention (particularly the eating thing) and going to the CM completely changed her habits. I have no idea why but she just seemed to snap out of it (other kids maybe?)
Also, when I come home from work I have so much more energy and patience for DD, our relationship is 100% better as a result of our time apart.
branleuse i hope thats a joke!
give her a spoon of calpol, and pour yourself a glass of wine
Definitely get help. My son is almost two, and still prone to the odd bit of whining, but mostly he's a delight, incredibly sweet-natured etc. whereas he was the most difficult baby who whined all the way through teething, had silent reflux for a year, wouldn't go to sleep without forty minutes of vigorous rocking, and lived in a Beco carrier until he was fifteen months. He cried in music classes, wailed at strangers, and our visions of taking him out to restaurants for lazy Sunday lunches went well and truly out the window. It was utterly draining.
If you have no family close by, please consider getting a sitter in for a few hours a week, so that you can take a nap or do something frivolous. High-needs babies are awfully hard to deal with.
Are you me op my dd is 13 months and exactly the same wont sleep unless I'm with her, hates her pram, I would prefer to give birth everyday rather than wean.
I've found talking to other mums helps especially a good rant over a glass of wine.
Just remember you have been on call for 24 hours 7 days a week for 13 months if you had worked the same in a job you would have probably been signed of for stress or had a breakdown it might not feel like it but you can cope and your doing an amazing job.
Weary Are there sure start centres near you that do parenting classes.
You can learn techniques and coping strategies, and get advice on those issues, it might help you gain some control back.
Many, many sympathies op. I hope it's all a hazy memory soon.
What if you add the yoghurt to something else? DS will eat a big bowl of porridge (milk oaties ) if we put lots of yoghurt in. Mashed banana?
I'd be tempted to give her the 5 yogurts a day or whatever you can get into her for a week and see if her mood improves.
I've had a TT baby and a reflux baby and it doesn't sound like either. I wouldn't rule out TT though. But it's not normal and babies need food to grow and develop.
I used to bath with DS when he was really miserable.
I'm afraid I'm another one who thinks this just doesn't sound right. What does your GP say?
My second was like this. I was very depressed for a long time. She is 6 now and the most delightful child you could hope to meet. These things do pass, but it's hard and horrible at the time and you have all my sympathy.
Also, if you are weepy, a good cry will make you feel better.
Have you had her weighed and measured recently? Is she actually underweight or managing to get by on the number of calories she's getting?
Dd2 was a very whingy baby (still is now to a lesser extent at age 4) and it is so wearing. It really helped me when she started nursery at 13 months, and strangely she has never been whingy at nursery so I guess the environment / extra stimulation suits her too.
I wouldn't worry about the food thing if I were you as long as she appears healthy. I would use a sling and remain close to her at all times -clearly that is what she wants. Keep her busy doing things she loves. My youngest dd is 3 and would be extremely grumpy if I didn't hold her most of the time and be extremely close when she does get down to play. She has never been in a pram and hates being in the car unless I am next to her, so I do very short cars runs unless daddy is with me and I can sit next to her. Her sister was exactly the same and at 5 she rarely wants to be picked up and doesn't need me right there like she used to. I have 4 DCs and would say if they are winging a lot it is there way of telling you they aren't happy. It's tough though but maybe just think about how lovely it is that she wants you soooo much.
I think you need to go back to your HV / GP & talk to them again about her eating problems. Also mention her behaviour, as the chances are the 2 could be linked.
DD was very clingy when she was younger & had problems with eating at first, we were referred to an Occupational Therapist & dietician, which helped - turned out my food was too bland! i blame Annabel Karmel & her pureed pears...DD now has no problems & will eat anything in sight.
I do disagree with a few comments on here along the lines that - you need to put her down or she'll never learn. You need to let them "self-settle" or they'll never learn.
Well they do learn both - just on their own timescales! It depends how much sanity and patience you have left.
DD would NOT be put down EVER. Turned out she had tongue tie and reflux. The tongue tie was privately sorted at 5 months but left a lasting legacy. The reflux was never addressed.
Anyway, by using slings, and co-sleeping I met her need for having her mother in touching distance. Went back to work part time for sanity but found a good childminder who was willing to give her as many cuddles as she wanted.
So, at the age of 2 she is now sleeping through, and rarely wants picking up. I still sling her on my back when out though as she's not very good at walking in the direction we want to go! (Very stubborn and strong willed )
At 13 months though I was pulling my hair out as that was a particularly bad time - but it just gradually got better and better from there.
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