To think I'm not a bad mum

(65 Posts)
jeanmiguelfangio Mon 29-Jul-13 14:44:41

To start my DD on solids at 5 months?

Ok background- my DD has reflux and is a hungry baby. I have spoke to my dr and HV and both have said it is ok to start solids. She has all three of the NHS criteria, sitting up, swallowing and can pick things up and put them in her mouth. She is a happy baby and we are literally giving her a teaspoon, if that, of fruit and veg a day at the moment as we have just started.

At a mums group today, I was talking to another mum who has done the same, our babies were born on the same day. Another decided we were both wrong and loudly told us how we were wrong and damaging our babies. She said she knows better because we are first time mums and she has 3. Then commented to a friend that just having a baby clearly doesn't make you a good mum.

Now I could be sensitive as have PND but it really upset me. Surely all babies are different and we aren't doing anything to harm our babies, but doing our best. Really knocked my confidence when it isn't exactly at its highest anyway! I'm questioning my decision now and really I know my DD best

TheRealFellatio Tue 30-Jul-13 19:35:50

Blimey if FF 'almost guarantees' that a baby will die of SIDS then the human race in the western world would have died out long ago! What an utter, utter, scaremongering baseless load of old tosh.

jeanmiguelfangio Tue 30-Jul-13 16:46:33

Thanks for the stats SIDS is a big worry for everyone I think so knowing its that low is good for me- I'm a worrier

ThePowerof3 Tue 30-Jul-13 13:39:55

Me too wirecat, my 6 yr old FF daughter is alive and well thankfully! Seriously though what poisonous things to say

Mumoftwoyoungkids Tue 30-Jul-13 12:14:09

Proportion of babies to die of SIDS in the UK:- 0.036%
Proportion of mothers who mix feed or ff by 6 months:- 99%

Something tells me that maths wasn't her strongest subject at school!

IfIonlyhadsomesleep Tue 30-Jul-13 11:23:50

The thing that having three children has taught me is how little I know about children! Weaning when your baby is ready, at six months, give or take (which includes five months as far as I can see) seems fine.

MiaowTheCat Tue 30-Jul-13 11:23:36

I would be complaining to the group organisers about the SIDS comment to be honest and trying to hey the bitch kicked out for saying stuff like that. No one should ever have to go to a baby group to be told by some loon that their baby is pretty much guaranteed to die, good God!

Currently trying to stop dd1 weaning her sister on a building block- does that constitute baby led weaning?!

jeanmiguelfangio Tue 30-Jul-13 11:02:13

I think she is one of those who thinks everyone loves her, I really enjoy the group and the other mums have been great and I love chatting and to be honest getting out of the house too!
I know weaning is all about the baby, she was grabbing stuff from our plates too but I'm not confident with BLW at her age but she actually grabs the spoon and feeds herself, she so wants to be a big girl!!! I am excited about weaning and don't want silly women telling me stuff like that
And of course I will keep going, if only to educate you all with her top parenting grin

WireCat Tue 30-Jul-13 10:15:47

thepowerof3 (I'm following you around the board today!)

That has floored me. Guarentee SIDS. Quite bizarre considering all 3 of mine were formula fed.

There are some utter cunts out there. Fancy saying such an awful thing. I'd love to find that woman and tell her. and punch her

ThePowerof3 Tue 30-Jul-13 10:09:01

Woman not baby!

WireCat Tue 30-Jul-13 10:07:27

Due to feeding problems, my 1st was weaned at 12 weeks! Back then & for dc2 weaning was at 4 months.

For dc3 weaning guide lines were 6 months & tbh he began feeding himself just short of 6 months (this is apparently baby led weaning. In his case it was his refusal to be fed by me!)

It's not like you're forcing a curry down him at a week old so carry on what you're doing x

ShabbyButNotChic Tue 30-Jul-13 10:06:35

Of course yanbu! You know your own child, and if hv etc think they are ready as well then im sure you are doing great smile babies dont follow rule books ffs, and they dont know how old they are! They just know they are starving!

My aunt likes to tell everyone who moans about early weaning that my cousin was weaned at 6 weeks (milk allergy). He is now a 28 year old 6'4 fireman, its family joke that he was a right greedy bugger who couldnt wait to get on the food smile

mrsjay Tue 30-Jul-13 10:03:14

oh and dont be put of going to your group if you enjoy going this woman is an arse and you need to ignore her and maybe have a word with th e group organiser ,

ThePowerof3 Tue 30-Jul-13 10:01:30

What an ignorant and vicious baby, since when does formula feeding 'almost guarantee your baby will die of SIDs' WTAF

hufflebottom Tue 30-Jul-13 10:00:46

let her get on with it, you're doing great, you've got advice, just ignore her.

dd started solids at 5 months, but that was because she wanted to.

mrsjay Tue 30-Jul-13 10:00:33

och my dd is 20 we started weaning at 16 weeks back then with dd who is 5 years younger it was 20 weeks, things have changed but at 5 months it isn't that far off 6 is it just start to wean your baby and bugger what anybody else thinks,

minniemagoo Tue 30-Jul-13 09:55:49

Well done on getting proper advice from medical professionals and not taking anecdotal evidence from other mums whose kids are and always will be different to your own.
I went through so much of this BS from other 'helpful' mums they made me question myself so much when I should be enjoying my kids.
Dd2 had severe problems with milk, we tried all sorts of formulas, even those on prescription and she was admitted for obs for a while. It was horrendous, being worried, sleep deprived and feeling inadequate. She finally started solids in Hosp at 11wks (9wks adjusted) and completely turned a corner. Is 6 now and thriving, no allergies, very healthy. I would NEVER advise as other mum to do this: always medical advice first but the number of mothers who tutted at me despite the circumstances was unbelievable.
I also learned a hard lesson when nearly everyone recommended aloe versa for dd1s dry skin so I tried it and it turns out she got a severe reaction, it badly burned through her skin, it really gave me a backbone so now I deal with these busybodies much better.

When my nephew was born 8 years ago the advice was 4 months. When DS was born 2 years later the advice was 6 months. It's only to prevent them getting unsuitable things such as meat before 6 months. I gave DS baby rice at 5 months. He was a very hungry baby, I had reluctantly mix fed because he was so hungry and a nice side effect of baby rice once a day was that he had less formula. My mum said, let them have a taste when they show an interest in your food, so that's what guided me rather than the guidelines. DD wasn't weaned until 6 months, because she wasn't interested and I did a much more BLW thing with her.
I cannot abide people who comment like that, how dare she? Even when another mum told me that she was feeding her 3 month old weetabix 3 times a day I managed to STFU as it wasn't my business.
You are doing great.

KatOD Tue 30-Jul-13 09:41:40

I'm with purrpurr, tell us where she lives wink

No you're not a bad mum, you're taking all the available information an trying to make the eat decision for your child rather than blindly following guidelines. Good for you. I'd say something to your friend at baby group along the lines of "it's amazing how having 3 children can make you think you're more qualified than you are to pass judgement incorrectly on other people's parenting". Silly bitch.

Fwiw my dd had awful reflux, was always starving, slept very badly. I was advised to wean early and did at 5mo and, while it didn't solve anything, it made things easier and her happier (I couldn't breastfeed either and yes you feel guilty but that's life).

Good luck and ignore the ignorant cow.

Finola1step Tue 30-Jul-13 09:37:29

Goodness me, why do some people not have any verbal filtering skills? The woman at the baby group is simply an unpleasant person who probably thinks she has every right to "inform" new mothers on the correct way if doing things (e.g. her way).

Steer clear OP. Unless when you do talk to her, take everything with a large pinch if salt. Then share her pearls of wisdom on here for us to laugh at.

Flobbadobs Tue 30-Jul-13 09:21:29

Ignore, ignore and ignore some more. Practise a good slightly sneery face and point it in this womans direction if she ever opens her mouth at you again! A casual mention that a fully qualified health care professional made the recommendation wouldn't go amiss either..
Fwiw, it's perfectly possible to be a good mum after your first child, just as it's perfectly possible to be quite rubbish after having 3...
I have a fond memory of Dd's first taste of food, her older brother decided that it was unfair that we were having his favourite pizza and she couldn't have any, so he shared his. She was about 4 months old at the time! We have a picture of her holding a crust with pizza sauce around her mouth, ot's one of my favourite photos of her because it brings back memories of a fun meal together smile
Oh, and ask to see another HV if you still feel the need to see one at all, yours doesn't sound too good x
YANBU at all.

Rufus43 Tue 30-Jul-13 09:18:43

My children were weaned at 4 months because that was the advice at the time

Just tell her that the HV told you that your child is very advanced for its age

LifeIsSoDifferent Tue 30-Jul-13 09:12:36

Only read your OP but that women was just being nasty and rude. There is nothing wrong with what your doing, each child is different and needs different things. Just because she has 3 kids doesn't make her an expert/good mum or person

bumbleymummy Tue 30-Jul-13 09:09:18

I think she was very rude.

I do wonder why a few spoonfuls of puréed apple/carrot would fill up a hungry baby though. Milk has a lot more calories.

You're following her signs - that's the right thing to do? Better than shovelling purees in a newborn and better than waiting until exactly 6 months - the guidance is around six months when they meet the signs.

jeanmiguelfangio Tue 30-Jul-13 09:03:11

I am in the south east Vlad so possibly! Oh of course they do FF babies are clearly stupid- I shouldn't say it but developmentally my DD is quite far ahead of her baby and hers is older. I don't want to judge others because they judge me but I suppose she deserves it a bit

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