To think I'm not a bad mum

(65 Posts)
jeanmiguelfangio Mon 29-Jul-13 14:44:41

To start my DD on solids at 5 months?

Ok background- my DD has reflux and is a hungry baby. I have spoke to my dr and HV and both have said it is ok to start solids. She has all three of the NHS criteria, sitting up, swallowing and can pick things up and put them in her mouth. She is a happy baby and we are literally giving her a teaspoon, if that, of fruit and veg a day at the moment as we have just started.

At a mums group today, I was talking to another mum who has done the same, our babies were born on the same day. Another decided we were both wrong and loudly told us how we were wrong and damaging our babies. She said she knows better because we are first time mums and she has 3. Then commented to a friend that just having a baby clearly doesn't make you a good mum.

Now I could be sensitive as have PND but it really upset me. Surely all babies are different and we aren't doing anything to harm our babies, but doing our best. Really knocked my confidence when it isn't exactly at its highest anyway! I'm questioning my decision now and really I know my DD best

WestieMamma Mon 29-Jul-13 15:42:11

One of my friends saw a paediatrician a couple of wks ago who said the NHS was about to revise the guidelines downwards to 17 weeks, which I think is the European standard, after new research.

That would tie in with my experience here in Sweden where weaning is recommended from 4 months.

thebody Mon 29-Jul-13 16:05:13

oh op she's a stupid silly bitch love.

my dss were given solids at 3 months as per advice at the time.. 89/91.

my dds were around 4 months, 99/2000.

advice is just that, advice. and it changed all of the time, sometimes reverting completely backwards to previous discarded advice.

you know your baby best, make up your own mind.

tell her to respectfully fuck off.

OP, ignore her. All babies are different, each reaches their own developmental stage sin their own time. My DS1 was weaned at 3 months ('93), my DS2, DD1 were weaned at about 4 months ('98, 99), my DS2 was probably about 5 months ('01) and DD2 was over 6 months ('08), with the exception of DS1 I didn't worry about the advice too much, I went by my own instinct telling me when they were ready. I did try to wean DD2 at 4 months and at various times after that, but she just wasn't interested at all. You are not a bad mother for following your child's lead on this. And believe me, your DC will be much better off having you for a mother than that womans poor DCs sad

Mind you, if you were thinking of giving your DC a fruit shoot.... wink

jeanmiguelfangio Tue 30-Jul-13 08:21:49

Justforlaughs it is a little tempting to wash out a fruit shoot bottle and fill with water mwahahaha!!
Thanks all really made me feel better, it's tough when people are trying to contradict you and you know you are doing the right thing. Can you tell I need a bit of a confidence kick!
I ignored the SIDS comment, I had already ignored a similar one in hospital so I knew I was doing the best for her, it was either that or starve! She is one of those that thinks we can all BF and those who don't are just lazy. Screw her, also they have all slept through blahblahblah

thanks to all, vipers my butt

All babies are different, some don't get this-such as the woman you describe!
She was a b****, ignore, ignore, ignore

LizzieVereker Tue 30-Jul-13 08:32:04

What an unpleasant woman, please do the Fruitshoot thing OP!

I am sitting here looking at a 5''11, slim, healthy 14 yr old chap who was exclusively formula fed and weaned at 4 months. He says he feels fine...

Take no notice, you're doing great flowers

TheRealFellatio Tue 30-Jul-13 08:32:14

What jacks365 said. In most almost all of the 20th century you would have been considered a bad mum for not giving your child solids until 6 months. All three of my children, me, and probably the vast, vast majority of people on this board, and in the UK today will have been weaned by around 4 months. My guess is that before this decade is out, official BMA advice will be to wean at around 4 months.

mumblechum1 Tue 30-Jul-13 08:42:26

My guess is that before this decade is out, official BMA advice will be to wean at around 4 months.

And there will be a lot less sleepless nights as the poor buggers aren't starving!

HollyBerryBush Tue 30-Jul-13 08:43:35

Advice changes all the time - and it is just that - advice.

lougle Tue 30-Jul-13 08:47:13

I weaned dd1 at 14 weeks on hv advice. She was grabbing food of my plate and shoving it in her mouth. DD2 wasn't interested until 7 months.

Cuddlydragon Tue 30-Jul-13 08:50:50

OP. I have a reflux baby and weaned a few weeks early on medical advice. There's a great Facebook group set up by the UK charity living with Reflux. Lots of supportive mums sharing their expertise and advice on what worked for their babies. Some reflux babies have food intolerances as part and parcel of the condition, so if you hit a bump in the weaning road, don't automatically let your self doubt niggle that it's something you did. My lo hasn't looked back since he started solids.

vladthedisorganised Tue 30-Jul-13 08:56:49

She didn't happen to frequent mother and baby groups in the south east about three years ago, did she?

I remember having the same insane comments from a mum who was aghast that I weaned DD a full three weeks before the recommended 6 months. She was permanently hungry and by the time she'd actually consumed a bit of my fruit herself, I figured it was OK to start. She's now a perfectly healthy 3 year old and still likes fruit.

My nutcase also said that DD would be 'not bright enough for baby-led weaning because she was mix-fed and FF babies have far lower intelligence'. She couldn't remember whether she herself was FF grin

jeanmiguelfangio Tue 30-Jul-13 08:58:26

Thanks cuddly, will go have a look at that, DH is lactose intolerant and we are ok with that phew!!
Actually I am enjoying it, seeing her explore with flavours and her spoon. Learning on both our parts and its all a good step.

mootime Tue 30-Jul-13 09:00:18

Agree with the others, she's a bitch.
All babies are different. DS struggled with reflux and I eventually gave him food at 5 months (hv suggested earlier due to reflux) it made a massive difference to his reflux (if not his sleep....).

jeanmiguelfangio Tue 30-Jul-13 09:03:11

I am in the south east Vlad so possibly! Oh of course they do FF babies are clearly stupid- I shouldn't say it but developmentally my DD is quite far ahead of her baby and hers is older. I don't want to judge others because they judge me but I suppose she deserves it a bit

You're following her signs - that's the right thing to do? Better than shovelling purees in a newborn and better than waiting until exactly 6 months - the guidance is around six months when they meet the signs.

bumbleymummy Tue 30-Jul-13 09:09:18

I think she was very rude.

I do wonder why a few spoonfuls of puréed apple/carrot would fill up a hungry baby though. Milk has a lot more calories.

LifeIsSoDifferent Tue 30-Jul-13 09:12:36

Only read your OP but that women was just being nasty and rude. There is nothing wrong with what your doing, each child is different and needs different things. Just because she has 3 kids doesn't make her an expert/good mum or person

Rufus43 Tue 30-Jul-13 09:18:43

My children were weaned at 4 months because that was the advice at the time

Just tell her that the HV told you that your child is very advanced for its age

Flobbadobs Tue 30-Jul-13 09:21:29

Ignore, ignore and ignore some more. Practise a good slightly sneery face and point it in this womans direction if she ever opens her mouth at you again! A casual mention that a fully qualified health care professional made the recommendation wouldn't go amiss either..
Fwiw, it's perfectly possible to be a good mum after your first child, just as it's perfectly possible to be quite rubbish after having 3...
I have a fond memory of Dd's first taste of food, her older brother decided that it was unfair that we were having his favourite pizza and she couldn't have any, so he shared his. She was about 4 months old at the time! We have a picture of her holding a crust with pizza sauce around her mouth, ot's one of my favourite photos of her because it brings back memories of a fun meal together smile
Oh, and ask to see another HV if you still feel the need to see one at all, yours doesn't sound too good x
YANBU at all.

Finola1step Tue 30-Jul-13 09:37:29

Goodness me, why do some people not have any verbal filtering skills? The woman at the baby group is simply an unpleasant person who probably thinks she has every right to "inform" new mothers on the correct way if doing things (e.g. her way).

Steer clear OP. Unless when you do talk to her, take everything with a large pinch if salt. Then share her pearls of wisdom on here for us to laugh at.

KatOD Tue 30-Jul-13 09:41:40

I'm with purrpurr, tell us where she lives wink

No you're not a bad mum, you're taking all the available information an trying to make the eat decision for your child rather than blindly following guidelines. Good for you. I'd say something to your friend at baby group along the lines of "it's amazing how having 3 children can make you think you're more qualified than you are to pass judgement incorrectly on other people's parenting". Silly bitch.

Fwiw my dd had awful reflux, was always starving, slept very badly. I was advised to wean early and did at 5mo and, while it didn't solve anything, it made things easier and her happier (I couldn't breastfeed either and yes you feel guilty but that's life).

Good luck and ignore the ignorant cow.

When my nephew was born 8 years ago the advice was 4 months. When DS was born 2 years later the advice was 6 months. It's only to prevent them getting unsuitable things such as meat before 6 months. I gave DS baby rice at 5 months. He was a very hungry baby, I had reluctantly mix fed because he was so hungry and a nice side effect of baby rice once a day was that he had less formula. My mum said, let them have a taste when they show an interest in your food, so that's what guided me rather than the guidelines. DD wasn't weaned until 6 months, because she wasn't interested and I did a much more BLW thing with her.
I cannot abide people who comment like that, how dare she? Even when another mum told me that she was feeding her 3 month old weetabix 3 times a day I managed to STFU as it wasn't my business.
You are doing great.

minniemagoo Tue 30-Jul-13 09:55:49

Well done on getting proper advice from medical professionals and not taking anecdotal evidence from other mums whose kids are and always will be different to your own.
I went through so much of this BS from other 'helpful' mums they made me question myself so much when I should be enjoying my kids.
Dd2 had severe problems with milk, we tried all sorts of formulas, even those on prescription and she was admitted for obs for a while. It was horrendous, being worried, sleep deprived and feeling inadequate. She finally started solids in Hosp at 11wks (9wks adjusted) and completely turned a corner. Is 6 now and thriving, no allergies, very healthy. I would NEVER advise as other mum to do this: always medical advice first but the number of mothers who tutted at me despite the circumstances was unbelievable.
I also learned a hard lesson when nearly everyone recommended aloe versa for dd1s dry skin so I tried it and it turns out she got a severe reaction, it badly burned through her skin, it really gave me a backbone so now I deal with these busybodies much better.

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