To think I'm not a bad mum

(65 Posts)
jeanmiguelfangio Mon 29-Jul-13 14:44:41

To start my DD on solids at 5 months?

Ok background- my DD has reflux and is a hungry baby. I have spoke to my dr and HV and both have said it is ok to start solids. She has all three of the NHS criteria, sitting up, swallowing and can pick things up and put them in her mouth. She is a happy baby and we are literally giving her a teaspoon, if that, of fruit and veg a day at the moment as we have just started.

At a mums group today, I was talking to another mum who has done the same, our babies were born on the same day. Another decided we were both wrong and loudly told us how we were wrong and damaging our babies. She said she knows better because we are first time mums and she has 3. Then commented to a friend that just having a baby clearly doesn't make you a good mum.

Now I could be sensitive as have PND but it really upset me. Surely all babies are different and we aren't doing anything to harm our babies, but doing our best. Really knocked my confidence when it isn't exactly at its highest anyway! I'm questioning my decision now and really I know my DD best

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Mon 29-Jul-13 14:46:31

Do not worry. That woman is a bitch. Im sure she is a bitch about many other things, do not take it personally.

AnneElliott Mon 29-Jul-13 14:49:07

Ignore her. My DS are food earlier than 6 months as he was starving. All babies are different.

jacks365 Mon 29-Jul-13 14:51:13

I have 4 children the oldest is now 19 years and the youngest not yet 2 and you wouldn't believe the changes in advice during that time so do not give it another thought besides current research is now going against leaving weaning till 6 months. You know your child and if she was ready she was ready. You I wouldn't judge but I must admit to hoiking the judgy pants when someone I know started weaning at 6 weeks, kept my mouth shut though.

redskyatnight Mon 29-Jul-13 14:51:31

I have a strong suspicion that your hv and dr have more experience of babies than a random woman at toddler group.

However, I started by DS on solids early with a similar backing from my hv/gp and I have looked back and wished I haven't. He was very hungry and didn't sleep much - I thought solids would help and they just didn't (if anything made it worse). In retrospect I wish I'd left it longer.

I'd advise you to be clear in yourself why you want DS to start solids and what you hope to happen. And then decide if it's the right thing to do. For example, I'd not realised that a baby will get less solids in an early weaning fruit/baby rice/veg type feed than they would from milk.

foslady Mon 29-Jul-13 14:51:54

When my dd was born she was weaned at 16 weeks as per guidelines - she's fine. Agree with HopALongOn - she was being a bitch. Your Dr and HV have ok'd it, so stuff her. And just because she's got three doesn't mean a damn thing about your parenting

Bugaboom Mon 29-Jul-13 14:54:06

She sounds awful! Ignore her. We started DS on solids at 5 months and it made a big improvement to his reflux.

ImNotBloody14 Mon 29-Jul-13 14:54:48

Ignore her. It seems everyone experiences other people telling them they're doing something wrong at one point or another- you know yourself that you arent damaging her and have the hv and gp recomendtion to back you up. Guidelines are between 4-6 months. You are within that time frame.

FirstStopCafe Mon 29-Jul-13 14:55:29

She sounds horrible. Ignore her if you can

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Mon 29-Jul-13 14:56:25

I'm big on guidelines and research, but that woman was being an absolute bitch. If she was really concerned about what you're doing, there are supportive and gentle ways to offer information without making someone feel like shite.

FWIW, it sounds like you've been very sensible about approaching the issue and thinking about whether or not your DD can sit unsupported and coordinate her hand to mouth actions. I would pay more attention to that than whether or not they seem hungry or are sleeping through the night.

Smartiepants79 Mon 29-Jul-13 14:57:01

What a twat.
Ignore.
You have taken medical advice.
I weaned both mine around 5.5 months. Both happy, healthy and excellent eaters.
Apparently having babies doesn't make you a nice person either.

squoosh Mon 29-Jul-13 15:13:09

God, I'd have given her a piece of my mind, or a frosty dead eye stare at the very least.

Ignore her, she's clearly a cow.

jeanmiguelfangio Mon 29-Jul-13 15:13:14

I thought I was being a bit sensitive but she is that kind of a woman, kinda if she says it it is the right way and everyone else is wrong.
I'm giving it a go but am open to stopping if I don't think she is doing well.
She doesn't wake at night, and its the HV that said she must be a hungry girl because she has a lot of formula (that's the womans previous bugbear with me, I can't breastfeed due to scar tissue and other issues- she told me that she was guaranteed to die of SIDS)
I'm following the guidelines too, in terms of we are pretty much just feeding her fruit and veg and will slowly introduce other things after 6 months.
I wish I could just be a little more confident sometimes in my parenting- hoping that comes with time!

jeanmiguelfangio Mon 29-Jul-13 15:14:11

Squoosh I wish I did now, I am great 10 minutes after these things!!

purrpurr Mon 29-Jul-13 15:18:00

Jean, not trying to advocate violence here but how have you not punched this woman square in the face? Telling you your child would die from SIDS is absolutely disgusting. I'm so sorry someone said that to you, that is vile. Spitting feathers here on your behalf!

When she told you your baby would die from SIDS because you FF that should have been an indication that she is a nasty, spiteful bitch.

Please don't give this woman headspace. She is vile. Probably deeply insecure, but vile all the same.

McNewPants2013 Mon 29-Jul-13 15:19:38

I weaned at 4 months with DD, she was going through 9oz bottles of hungry milk every 1.5 hours.

The hv suggested this, and she also said its not the law to start weaning at 6 months its just a guideline and some will be ready before others.

On the contrast DS wouldn't touch solid until he was around 18 months and its been a slow process getting to eat anything. He is 7 now and will still only eat certain foods.

DS was started early on solids after seeing a paediatric consultant. You are doing what's best for your child with medical support, what more does she expect?

And any twat who tells you that your child is guaranteed to die due to drinking formula needs to shut the fuck up.

I weaned dd1 at 18 weeks and dd2 at 22 weeks. That woman is a total cow.

UnexpectedStepmum Mon 29-Jul-13 15:23:04

Well, interfering to criticise and undermine other mums' decisions - she sounds like a great role model! Don't give this nasty person another thought, you know what is right for your child. FWIW, Desmond Morris stated that biologically the right weaning age for our species is around four months. When I was a baby I was weaned at 10 weeks by my mum cutting the end of the bottle and adding Weetabix to milk. The recommendation now is six months but it's been around five with both of mine because I felt that was right for them.

HappyJustToBe Mon 29-Jul-13 15:26:29

Babies don't all walk, talk, get teeth, sleep through etc at the same time so why would they be ready for solids at the same time? I waited until after 6 months because DD was not interested until then. Your DD appears ready. They are all different.

You would have thought having more children would gave relaxed her a bit!

As for the FF what did she want you to do, in all seriousness, if you physically can't BF? What an idiot.

Please just laugh at her ridiculousness and don't take it to heart.

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet Mon 29-Jul-13 15:27:16

One of my friends saw a paediatrician a couple of wks ago who said the NHS was about to revise the guidelines downwards to 17 weeks, which I think is the European standard, after new research.

anyway she's your baby and you know best. ignore the witch!

grumpyoldbat Mon 29-Jul-13 15:31:21

You are not a bad mum. What that woman said was horrible and nasty. The current advice is about 6 months. Every baby is different and being a good mum is tailoring what you need to do for your own child's individual needs. Sounds like that is exactly what you are doing.

mumblechum1 Mon 29-Jul-13 15:34:32

DS is almost 19 and was weaned at, iirc, 14 weeks because that was the fashion at that point.

He's perfectly healthy.

ThisIsMySpareName Mon 29-Jul-13 15:35:22

Why is it most people can agree that all babies are different when it comes to crawling, walking, talking etc. If a parent is concerned the "They all do things in their own time" or "They'll do it when they're ready" line gets (quite rightly) trotted out.

However, when it comes to weaning, even the sanest parent can turn into some weird, guideline controlled automaton "You must not wean until 6 months, no matter what."

Why? What is it that happens at exactly six months to ALL babies that make weaning any different to any other development milestone. No-one would tell a mom whose baby started crawling at 6 months (when it is generally expected between 7 and 10 months) that they were a bad mother and somehow damaging their child.

It's a guideline, not the fucking law!

OP - you have done the right thing by ensuring that your DD is developmentally ready. Being hungry in and of itself is not a sign that she is ready, but sitting up, swallowing and picking things up are and if she is not ready you will know.

Maybe try a few finger foods instead of just puree as that will give you a better idea of her readiness (and really blow bitch mums mind when you let your DD feed herself a bit of banana at the next playgroup wink)

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