To think if I say "I really don't want to dress the children the same - they're individuals" it should be respected?

(136 Posts)
MiaowTheCat Sun 28-Jul-13 21:12:56

They're not quite twins - 11 months between them. I've said from the start that I didn't want to fall into the dressing them the same thing, that I wanted to be careful that they didn't get lumped together as "the girls" and that they were free to have their own personalities and identities... the same sort of battle twin parents have. Although there are lots of hand-me-downs and clothes re-use going on - I've always made sure that there were a few unique outfits for DD2 so she doesn't get a childhood set of photos of her looking identical to DD1.

Said this to MIL in response to a direct question from her "Are you going to want them to wear the same thing ever?" Well yes, when they get to school they're going to be stuck wearing the same variations on school uniform for five days a week - but nope - I won't.

Last time MIL came to visit she bought them both outfits - big fuss about "oh I really struggled to find somewhere I could buy them the same thing"... gritted teeth, smiled politely, and I've made sure that when they've worn the clothes it's been on different days (so she's seen the kids in the outfits she's bought etc etc etc), and days when they've been on Skype to her so it's been gently obvious that I'm NOT going to do the Me and Mini-Me routine. Hoped it was a one-off.

Apparently it's not going to be. She seems to be determined that she's going to buy them identical outfits constantly and (as usual) hasn't listened to a word that me AND DH (for he feels the same as me) have said. It's not the identical outfits so much that's annoying me - but the totally ignoring our wishes and I have a horrid feeling she's going to try to do this with identical Christmas presents and the like too.

DH gets frequently frustrated that she'll smile whenever you tell her she's done something that has upset and then just continue repeatedly doing it anyway - so it's not just me on that point.

AIBU to be starting to get annoyed about it? AIBU to not want siblings to be dressed identically? I just think with the close age gap we DO need to be really careful DD2 doesn't get left in the shadow of her older sister anyway.

minkembernard Mon 29-Jul-13 23:31:44

practical reasons even ^ ^

num3onway Mon 29-Jul-13 23:31:54

I find my eldest two having the same clothes or shoes an issue as at 4&5 they don't check sizes and can end up with one of each Shoe on

DeWe Tue 30-Jul-13 09:02:18

My dds have 3 years between them, and until recently, they would sometimes decide together that they were dressing the same. They've done this since dd2 was old enough to have an opinion, and they loved it. They haven't done it in the last year, I think now dd1 is 12yo she's grown out of it.
It was their choice, never mine.

MiaowTheCat Tue 30-Jul-13 09:11:39

When they are old enough to be dictating their wardrobe and if they choose to do so - fine I'll back them all the way (within the limits of our bank balance and public decency)... but for it to be dictated TO them, against what we try to do, and especially after our views were asked and have just been ignored - that's what really is bugging me. She's actually made a big thing of how hard it is to find something that's the same for both of them!

I couldn't shred them or chuck them - they're decent clothes - but it does grate that she's determined to jump through hoops to ignore us! (She lives in a very isolated area, limited retailers deliver there so it's making her life HARDER to try to do this - that's what I really don't get!)

SarahAndFuck Tue 30-Jul-13 11:20:34

I see. I thought before that she was saying it was difficult to find anything that was different.

But she's actually saying how hard she has to work to find identical things for them?

Can you be absolutely honest with her. We appreciate you buying the girls new things but please don't buy them identical clothes, especially as it's so much trouble for you to find them. We want them to have their own identity so we don't dress them in the same clothes on the same day anyway.

ComposHat Tue 30-Jul-13 11:43:40

I'd heard the Irish Twin thing too.

To prevent Irish twins you could try Irish birth control. (the thong of which we talk on Friday evenings)

ProudAS Tue 30-Jul-13 12:00:53

It's one way for DD2 to get new clothes rather than hand me downs.

Put the larger outfit away then produce it for DD2 when she has outgrown the smaller one.

anna891 Tue 30-Jul-13 12:48:16

I doubt wearing the same outfit occasionally will damage their individual personalities, its no big deal. It does look cute.
Your MIL should respect your wishes though, as you feel strongly about it.

Ochanticleer Tue 30-Jul-13 12:52:25

Do you also describe them as 'not quite twins' to your MIL, too? Perhaps because of this, in some harmless but misguided way, she thinks you might want to dress them the same.

emuloc Tue 30-Jul-13 12:57:27

Give what you do not want to the charity shop. It really should not be a big deal.

ProudAS Tue 30-Jul-13 17:12:18

My mum and aunt were invariably dressed alike as youngsters (18 months between them but aunt on the small side).

My gran would be asked how old her twins were and reply that one was four and the other six!

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