Is there anyone who doesn't bitch behind people's backs?

(99 Posts)
PrincessWellington Thu 25-Jul-13 20:58:24

Beginning to think not and accepting that its life.

MrsWolowitz Thu 25-Jul-13 21:00:24

My best friend doesn't (well very rarely and she will always top it off by a nice thing to say about that person)!

I'm a terrible bitcher and it really is a damaging pastime so I must stop.

SoleSource Thu 25-Jul-13 21:02:06

I rarely do and if I do I have already cut ties with that person. Or if a work colleague I might bitch if he/she is vile but never to anybody at work.

I let go an acquaintance recently because she didn't stop bitching about her friend's so what the hell was she saying about me!

MorrisZapp Thu 25-Jul-13 21:03:32

No, sorry. But that's life. If we couldn't have a moan it would be very dull.

yabyum Thu 25-Jul-13 21:03:54

I know lots of completely non-bitchy people. They're lovely to be around.

manicinsomniac Thu 25-Jul-13 21:05:06

Not doing so has been my aim all year. I am getting much much better. But I still do sometimes. And I can hear myself doing it and cringe.

PrincessWellington Thu 25-Jul-13 21:05:16

I've yet to meet a 'friend' who doesn't. Am giving up on friends

PrincessWellington Thu 25-Jul-13 21:05:57

Manic I think that is a brilliant idea! Going to pinch it

zatyaballerina Thu 25-Jul-13 21:06:28

What people say about others behind their backs is what they'll say about you when your backs turned. That's how you tell.

Of course we all have a moan about our friends from time to time.

None of us are perfect and it's ok to admit that there are some parts of your friends personality that you don't like. I'm just as ready to admit that I'm not perfect either. If I were my own friend I would drive me crazy!

We don't always say the right thing, or do the right thing. It's part of being human.

Would you really back a good friend 100% even if you thought they were doing the wrong thing?

SoleSource Thu 25-Jul-13 21:08:54

Stay open and curios to the possibility of meeting the right kind of people for you Princess. Just wait a long time before you call another a friend. IME people are acquaintances for a long time before qualifying as friend. People blow hot and cold too and take offence very easily I find.

Helpyourself Thu 25-Jul-13 21:09:19

I don't. Honestly. I don't gossip either. It's liberating to not engage at all when people are digging.

zatyaballerina Thu 25-Jul-13 21:09:56

I don't say anything about people that I won't say to their face and there's a lot I'll only say directly to them. Bitching is quite passive aggressive, pretending to be nice to someone and then being nasty when they're not around to hear you. Most people do it sadly.

mrspaddy Thu 25-Jul-13 21:11:06

You need to be very lucky. I have a lot of friends that bitch so much about everyone.. one in particular.. that I know they must do it about me too.
Everyone who meets someone and starts a relationship with she criticises. Her brothers girlfriend a plain Jane, her best friends husband is possessive etc etc etc.. Now she has met someone she is mad keen to get praise about him. Oh, he's so fine isn't he??

I just say... whatever you are into yourself.

My brothers wife is one person who doesn't, she is lovely. Also a lovely woman I work with only notices good things about people.

Now my own husbands wife is mad keen on an old bitch and her children innocently repeat back 'mummy thinks you wear earrings like a gypsy etc.'

I avoid, avoid, avoid. Sometimes get lonely.. but can be arsed with it all.

Should you pull people up on it? Now that is a question?

Bowlersarm Thu 25-Jul-13 21:11:13

I like to think I don't.

If I'm talking to someone about someone else, I try and think how I would feel if it got back to the person I was talking about. if it would be something I was uncomfortable with I wouldn't say it.

Ledkr Thu 25-Jul-13 21:11:42

My dh doesn't and if I do he is so clearly not up for it that it shames me into stopping.
I don't so much bitch as take the piss or just let off a bit of steam.

PrincessWellington Thu 25-Jul-13 21:11:51

Yes, SoleSource. I offend people all the time apparently. I'm blunt. Some people who get me think its funny. Everyone else thinks it offends. Oh well!

I don't say anything about someone that I wouldn't say to their face, and I try to either say something nice or not say anything at all.

I can honestly say that of my friends, 90% of them never bitch or gossip. The other 10% do occasionally bitch/gossip, but it makes me feel uncomfortable and I change the subject as soon as possible.

ForgetfulNameChanger Thu 25-Jul-13 21:12:50

I think people who don't bitch are very rare. I'd quite like them all as friends! I was thinking about this today too though. I was sat near a group of girls and they were ripping one of their friends who wasn't there to shreds. Cackling about her new eyebrows and other things about her physical appearance. Not nice.

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 21:13:02

I will only talk about someone (from RL) when they are not present, if it is because I am concerned about them. It is usually a family thing and the talking is a way to decide how to help so not really bitching as such.

I don't tend to bitch.

I really don't. I used to and it was from a position of insecurity. I talk about people, but nothing nasty, or that would be a problem if it got back to them. And I hate listening to other people bitch or tease too.

CrapBag Thu 25-Jul-13 21:16:07

I promised myself that when I got new friends, after DS was born, I would never bitch again. I did have a bit of a moan about 1 friend before and it was long before we became much closer and I do feel very guilty about it now but its things that would probably bug many people, it wasn't anything particularly bad anyway.

I have been really bitching about a friend at the moment, mainly because she is royally pissing me off and I want to drop her but can't because she keeps coming along with the group I am friends with and they aren't getting the hint that I-- want her to sod off, saying that they are saying she needs to grow up and they don't have much in common with her and 1 really really dislikes her so I'm hoping actually. It makes me sound awful but I do not want to get into her playground shite and watching everything I do and say in case she takes offence.

mrspaddy: "my own husband's wife" got my brain into a tangle trying to work out this woman's relationship to you, unless you are talking about yourself.

Amrapaali Thu 25-Jul-13 21:20:25

I used to bitch in my twenties, just to "fit in". Thankfully, don't do it any more. Nowadays, I feel terribly guilty if I catch myself bitching. And my current group of friends are all brilliant!

We meet every week, but never, ever, not even in idle chatter, talk about other people.

HugAMoo Thu 25-Jul-13 21:20:44

What's that saying? Something like 'big minds talk about ideas, small minds talk about people'
Quite truthful, I think.

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