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To wonder why some men feel the need to insult women?

(85 Posts)
dontcallmehon Thu 25-Jul-13 17:16:11

I used to get a lot of male attention when I was younger - both 'positive' (if intimidating - catcalls etc and also negative, hostile reactions. Simply for existing, I think. I don't get it so much, now - I dress quite casually and have a few years experience of life, so don't come across as quite so vulnerable.

However, today I was walking past a group of lads who I could see were out to insult passers by. One of them laughed and said: 'pretty ugly' as I walked past. Now I am not ugly (not that it matters!) but I am an attractive, nicely dressed woman who clearly takes care of her appearance. Even if I didn't - what makes these men think that the way a woman looks has anything at all to do with them? hmm

AIBU to wonder why you would want to insult and intimidate someone who is simply going about their daily life? Luckily I have high self esteem and I am very confident about the way I look - but I could imagine some women being really upset by this kind of thing sad.

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 17:18:16

I've had this before. Something shouted right in my ear, to which I very eloquently responded 'fuck off, you wanker'.

dontcallmehon Thu 25-Jul-13 17:19:26

I just don't get it - why? I would have shouted something back, but they looked a bit rough, so I ignored them.

Whothefuckfarted Thu 25-Jul-13 17:19:31

Shits and giggles?

Very bored with their boring lives?

Who knows, sounds pathetic to me...

GetStuffezd Thu 25-Jul-13 17:21:58

I know!! It says something quite worrying about a person's personality if they get pleasure from seeing a woman's face crumple with upset, or redden with embarrassment at a twatty comment.

I used to get obscene tits comments or, worse, wanker men would deliberately rub against me when I tried to move through a crowd.
Now it's fat this, fat that.

BenedictCumberbitch Thu 25-Jul-13 17:22:17

They think it's likely to get a reaction out of them?

Plus starting on women is less risky than starting on men...generally speaking. I can imagine women saying something back but not actually starting a fight over it...(That being said I nearly thumped some scrotey git that said something similar when I was walking under and underpass once, purely because I knew he thought I wouldn't do anything).

TalkativeJim Thu 25-Jul-13 17:24:42

Not very bright.

Not much going for them.

Literally the only 'power' they have - a bit of mindless swagger.

They grow up and find someone vulnerable enough to accept being bullied by them and become the strutting chirping little bullies of their own castle.

Bloody testosterone and not much else.

It's depressing.

VerySmallSqueak Thu 25-Jul-13 17:26:08

Because they are cowards.And lack the skills necessary to be able to function on a higher level than 'ug fuck'.

dontcallmehon Thu 25-Jul-13 17:26:26

They got absolutely no reaction whatsoever out of me, so I feel quite satisfied that it must have been boring for them. I'm a fairly impassive introvert, so I don't show emotion easily. Didn't feel much emotion to be fair! They are never very attractive specimens themselves these men.

dontcallmehon Thu 25-Jul-13 17:27:48

Do they actually think that a nice looking woman will suddenly change her entire view of herself because some idiot drinking cider in the street on a Wednesday afternoon tells her she's ugly?

WilsonFrickett Thu 25-Jul-13 17:28:45

Often because they hate everyone, and shouting at a woman means they can express this hate without getting punched. Sometimes it's because they hate women specifically. But 9/10 times it's because they are angry and unhappy with their situation. And it's easier to turn that anger outward than it is to make changes.

I had this a couple of weeks ago when walking home from a night out

"Oi fatty...why won't you come and talk to us?!"

If I was fat, and presumably unattractive to them vis a vis the nature of their remarks... then why are they trying to attract my attention!?!?

Fannies. The lot of them. I wish I had went over and pissed on them.

Lj8893 Thu 25-Jul-13 17:30:07

I don't get it either.

I have a large chest and used to quite often get comments like "wow, you got massive tits" to which I would feign shock and exclaim that when I left the house they were an a cup and I had no idea where they had come from!
Or they would grab them and make a similar massive tits comment,
My response was to grab their penis and exclaim how small it was.
I'm sure they never did it again.

I once had a guy tell me I was a fat slut, just because I got served before him at the bar.
Big mistake, the doormen (much bigger and "fatter" than me) happened to be close friends of my dad.

HairyGrotter Thu 25-Jul-13 17:30:36

I don't get why anyone feel the need to comment n anyone's appearance. What a shit life you must lead that someone's appearance offends, or garners your attention that you NEED to say something?

I barely notice others, and even if I thought "ooo they look a bit ropey" I would never say that?! Totally disgusting and unnecessary.

I get grief on occasion, I've even flicked a cigarette in a mans car when he was hollering filth out of whilst I was walking along minding my own business. Felt fucking great ha

dontcallmehon Thu 25-Jul-13 17:30:57

I used to get called fat a lot - at 5 foot 7 and 10 stone hmm. One man even told me my hair was the wrong length.

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 17:32:50

I would have told him his brain was too small.

HairyGrotter- I was walking behind a girl at lunch the other day and the gusset of her tights was down at her knees but she was wearing a mini skirt.

That elicited comments from me. It was horrifying. It was like a penguin in people clothes. I have no idea how she was seemingly unaware of it. (And her friends hadn't told her so there was no way that I was....!)

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 17:33:55

They do it because they are so stupid that they think anyone is interested.

My response further up^ was one from shock at having my eardrums assaulted.

Nancy66 Thu 25-Jul-13 17:44:17

Bottom line is that they're just thick.

lauracutee Thu 25-Jul-13 18:00:43

I think it's because they see a pretty woman, know that they would NEVER stand a chance with her, so because of this they say something to make HER feel bad.

I've been called 'stuck up' before, simply for not responding to leering men. I'm not stuck up, I just don't feel that I have to respond to some stinking twatty fuckwit who craves attention.

Once I was on my way to the gym in my winter coat & jeans - some guy started wolf-whistling & making comments. When I gave him a dirty look, he responded 'Don't dress like that if you don't want attention.' Again, I was in a winter coat and jeans.

quesadilla Thu 25-Jul-13 18:06:22

I think a lot of it is done out of some awful machismo peer pressure certain groups of young men bring out the worst in each other and it becomes a kind of race to the bottom to see how obnoxious you can be.

I remember many years ago being wolfwhistled by some builders and turning around to give them the finger at which point one of them said "you're ugly anyway..."

What I would have said if I'd been quick enough is "well if I'm so ugly why are you whistling at me you thick primitive twat."

Sallyingforth Thu 25-Jul-13 18:07:07

The only reaction they ever get from me is "poor little wanker!", said with the same sad expression you'd use for an injured dog.

dontcallmehon Thu 25-Jul-13 18:10:41

I had that once, with builders. I was only about 19 and quite shy. Some builders whistled at me and as I walked away one said: 'Nah...cellulite.' sad

TigerseyeMum Thu 25-Jul-13 18:13:16

It's not just men though. I got off a tube late one might and two young girls ran to the doors before they closed and shouted 'ugly bitch' before spitting on me, the doors closed and the train pulled away as they laughed and made gestures.

I also got punched for being a 'bitch' because the escalator was queuing and the girls behind me wanted to carry on walking, I was in their way (as we're about 200 other people).

Male aggression tends to focus on the up close and sexual though - like a man who shouted in my face in a crowded bar 'it's as tight as your cunt in here' and the man who ran up to my face as I got off a train after a long day traipsing the city job hunting shouting 'fucking cheer up you miserable fucking bitch! Over and over.

I can only conclude I must appear both ugly and miserable to casual passers-by to the extent where they find it necessary to comment.

Plus I think it indicates the level of focus on women's looks for both males and females, and an expectation that it's a free for all and people can do what they like without regard for others.

A teen lad commented 'you look like my mum' as I left the hairdressers last week, but as I'm old enough to be his mum I took it merely as a statement of fact grin

PaulSmenis Thu 25-Jul-13 18:20:55

In my teenage years of being a chubby goth, men hurled all kinds of insults at me. basically, some men are just sad little pricks.

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