To wish people would understand when you say "I can't, I've got no money at the moment..."

(101 Posts)
GetStuffezd Thu 25-Jul-13 16:46:28

You actually mean "I really do have no money at the moment!"
I'm just having a frustrated rant.
I've moved house this week and even with my parents kindly lending me a deposit, it has wiped me out for this month. I have £18 to last until the end of the month. No biggie, I can do it. However, a group of friends I went to uni with, who live in the city about 25 miles away, have been nagging repeatedly for me to go out with them for their big reunion. I would LOVE to go. But I can't physically cannot afford it.
Result = stupid FB messages telling me to drive and drink coke, hop the train and drink whatever is on offer, etc. Finally, a snotty message from one person saying my no-show was pretty poor.

It's frustrating and embarrassing to have to repeatedly explain how little money you have. AIBU to wish people could be a bit more sensitive?

AudrinaAdare Fri 26-Jul-13 23:03:27

cushtie335 r.e works nights out, my thoughts exactly! I remember when I was newly-qualified and had bought a starter house (on my own) trying to explain to my line-manager that I really couldn't afford to go on yet another one.

She patronisingly explained that I must, because it was "good for team-building"

This lady lived in the most expensive part of town, cleaners and people to do her ironing and didn't even really have to work because generous parents and ILs helped, but I couldn't see my BF in London for two weeks let alone my actual friends. Just so I could go bowling and not eat, but pay for dreadful food in a shite restaurant with people I worked with every day and wouldn't otherwise cross the street to piss on if on fire

Terrific way to team-build hmm

She used to comment on me not eating / buying lunch at work, the subtext being that I was a stupid young woman desperate to stay thin. I wasn't. I just didn't eat lunch or have time for it and my spare change went to the vulnerable children that nobody else seemed to give a shit about angry

Goooooooooooooooooooooood Fri 26-Jul-13 22:49:34

Horry. If you watch the MoneySavingExpert website they also have threads on cheap online perscription glasses. I usually only pay about £20 for complete perscription glasses including delivery. You have to watch or subside to this thread and wait for a good deal to come along.

I have bought about 6 pairs like this and have not had any problems with them. I don't have any of the 'extra' coatings but the basic packages are perfectly ok. They are brand name frames.

Tests aren't covered by the mat exemption and because I'm a SAHM I can't get a test through work.

Thanks for the free test tip off though! Another tenner back in the pot smile

Goooooooooooooooooooooood Fri 26-Jul-13 22:18:53

HorryIsUpduffed.
No need to pay for eye tests there are several opticians offering Free Tests at the moment including SpecSavers and Tescos details HERE

BikeRunSki Fri 26-Jul-13 22:14:45

Are eye tests not covered by the NHS maternity exemption card Horry ? I know specs aren't but I thought tests were. I may be wrong, youngest is nearly 2 and DH wasn't made redundant until she was a month old, so my memory of pg eyetests, might not be too accurate.

Splitheadgirl Fri 26-Jul-13 22:09:22

I always say that I don't have neither the time nor the money and the answer is NO!!!

Don't explain your circumstances OP. Just keep it short and sweet so they know they are wasting your time and theirs if they proceed.

In a conversation recently about buying maternity clothes someone said to me "Oh you should get a couple of pairs of maternity jeans from such and such a place - they're only £40 each so it doesn't matter that you won't wear them for long."

It didn't feel possible to tell her that £80 was likely to be rather greater than my entire clothing budget for the nine months in question.

To put this in context, I'm currently saving up for an eye test because pregnancy hormones have brought my astigmatism back, and I've just found a voucher online that means I can have the test for £10 at Boots. Thank fuck because if it gets much worse I won't be safe to drive.

Forty pounds for a pair of jeans indeed.

CalamityJ Fri 26-Jul-13 21:36:45

This thread hits home as we are skint at the moment. A friend today says she's skint and can't afford to do the exercise class I do (paid by cheque in a block when I wasn't skint!) but then says she can't afford a big food shop because she's going skiing and on a beach holiday! Then suggests I sign up for a yoga class she wants someone to go with! I was saying I'd love the group of friends to meet up more often but instead of in coffee shops as the weather is so nice go for walks and have picnics (free!) She said that was a good idea as she couldn't afford coffee shops either because she wanted to have lots of spending money for her holidays! Seriously! I had a week in the UK with my parents which they paid for as it was as cheap to hire a 2 bed as a 1 bed and no other holidays planned for at least a year until my DH finishes his course.

Your real friend is awesome and you should spend all your time with her as she gets what being skint really means. Hope your situation improves soon smile

GetStuffezd Fri 26-Jul-13 21:21:01

Ha, you could have come, farrow, but it's over now! My lovely friend came armed with a bottle of wine for me (she was driving) AND a bottle of Mojito!!! In return I've gone though her latest job application letter and tweaked it. (She's amazingly bright - PhD, but dyslexic) We've had a brilliant catch up in the evening sunshine and I couldn't be happier. Yes, I really do need to do a FB cull of these horrible people.
Even worse, my mum rung me earlier asking if I had been out in Newcastle. She wouldn't have been cross, but I owe her £1000 due to move so in my eyes it would have been really shit to go out on the piss like that.... All because she saw the bloody pictures the idiots tagged me in angry

farrowandbawl Fri 26-Jul-13 18:22:39

GetStuffed, you need to block them off FB now.

If they want to slag you off then that's up to them but using FB to bully you is not on. Espcially as they are old enough to know better. Ignore the text. Delete them without reading them if you can.

Your night in sounds ace to be honest. Can I come? It's been ages since I've been able to do something like that.

Like Secretswitch, most of the best night I've had have been round mates hosues. Never out in town.

Secretswitch Fri 26-Jul-13 17:37:38

GetStuffed, this what I really like about MN. Lots of support to be found. I think some of the loveliest evenings I have had with friends is hanging out in the garden. Some little nibbly things and a good chat!

PaulSmenis Fri 26-Jul-13 17:33:21

GetStuffezd, that is horrible. They sound like a really unpleasant bunch. sad

I would never expect a friend to spend money if they didn't want to and money is tight and especially not if they are totally broke. They sound lie vile shits to be completely blunt.

FacebookWanker Fri 26-Jul-13 17:30:47

I think she must have been. I know people who are very comfortable that do the same.

Trigglesx Fri 26-Jul-13 17:29:22

Facebook I do the same thing - buy little things throughout the year so I'm not hit with one huge outlay of cash in December. Loads of people do it - has your friend been hiding under a rock? hmm

FacebookWanker Fri 26-Jul-13 17:27:32

My friend laughed at me the other day because I told her I'd started buying Christmas presents already. She almost didn't believe that I buy 1 thing per month because I can't afford to buy a load of presents in December. She's never strapped for cash so she just doesn't get it...

I think the problem is that the definition of 'skint' has changed so much recently...

But this shouldn't matter. If a friend said she can't afford to do whatever then as a friend you should accept that and not try to pressure them.

GetStuffezd Fri 26-Jul-13 15:42:02

Thank you all for understanding. It's awful to see so many people in the same position, and clearly there are so many others who really don't "get it." Oh and yes Stealth, I do live near you!! :-)

I think this lot have proven themselves to not be genuine friends at all. They've tagged me in every single picture they've put on stupid FB along with silly "where's stuffez?" comments, and not in a nice way. Then, at 3am when presmably pissed, one of them sent me a not too lovely message calling me a rubbish friend. angry

Luckily, my old friend is coming over this evening and she really won't give a shit that own brand tortilla chips, dip and diet coke are the nibbles!!

MaxPepsi Fri 26-Jul-13 14:54:37

Like everyone else has already said, the word skint has different meanings to everyone.

I have been skint this month, I've had 21p in my bank account for the last 2 weeks. HOWEVER all the bills were paid, there has food in the house (albeit no fresh produce) and wine in the wine rack and I've had enough fuel in the car.

I've been unable to pop to the pub for a quick drink with my friends or get a takeaway etc.. so for me that means I am skint.

I have no idea though what it means to be truly on my arse and would be devastated to find out that any of my friends were struggling with no food in the house. I know it is a matter of pride but I hope those of you who are in that situation on a regular basis can get to a position where you can ask your friends for help.
No real friend would think any less of you and would gladly help you out.

NobodyPutsTomArcherInTheCorner Fri 26-Jul-13 14:31:13

sad How insensitive they sound. You are right to stick to your guns of course. It's always wobbly for a month or two when you move.

I do think there is a trend nowadays for 'can't afford it' and 'budget' not to be taken too seriously.

How many house hunting programmes/wedding/makeover etc programmes are there on tv where people have a budget and then whoops, they go over that by goodness knows how much to rueful smiles all round.

I'm yelling at the tv when I see that. To me the budget is the limit. The end.

cushtie335 Fri 26-Jul-13 14:19:56

I work with people who seem to be a lot better off than me. The money they spend on a works night out is unbelievable and I couldn't consider spending all that money on a night out with WORKMATES when I have plenty of proper friends I can scarcely afford to see. I got really annoyed recently when there was a collection for a secretary's 50th birthday. I hardly know this woman and have possibly spoken to her 3 times in the last year. I was asked to contribute £10 to it but at that precise moment had £22 left in the joint account to last us until the end of the month. I got so fed up with the snidey passive aggressive remarks about me not contributing that I showed the main perp an account enquiry to explain why I wasn't prepared to drop my budget to £12 for the last week of the month for the sake of saving face.

ICBINEG Fri 26-Jul-13 12:27:18

I think the problem is that the definition of 'skint' has changed so much recently...

It really did mean, "I can't afford to eat out at a restaurant but a burger in the pub is all right".

Now it means "I was actually genuinely happy to discover a tin of potatoes I had forgotten about in the back of the cupboard" which someone on MN really said recently sad

daisychain01 Fri 26-Jul-13 12:23:12

Why don't people realise you don't WANT to go along to the pub and only be able to drink one measley coke and have to catch the bus (and all the other innane drivel they suggested!)

You actually want to go along at a time when you have a few quid in your pocket, so you don't then get sucked into a crap discussion about "no I can't put into a whip because I only have enough for 1 drink" - yeah, that will really make you feel good.

Just think about how it is all worthwhile because you have your own place - that's a brilliant achievement and worth the sacrifice. If I could, I'd buy you a house-warming bottle of vino so here's a glass of something instead wine or brew xx

Drquin Fri 26-Jul-13 12:14:26

My take is that part of the problem, when discussing this with friends and family, is that very few folk genuinely do actually mean they've got "no" money when they say they've got "no money".
What most us mean is that we've not got a lot of money, less money than usual, less money than we'd like, less money than we need to buy what we consider necessary.
It's then very easy to make judgements / assumption about people's lack of money / being skint / can't afford it ...... Because there's a point at which it's not that you can't afford "it", it's that you are choosing to prioritise spending (ok, sometimes it won't seem like much of a choice ...).
I had a friend suggest we stopped exchanging Christmas presents - not a ridiculous idea - but it was because she was "strapped for cash", after buying a large house with new partner. Obviously I don't begrudge her the house, or the potential lack of presents (!) but "being skint" then becomes rather relative!

Upshot is, it's rather rude of a friend to harp on about it - we all go through phases of having no / not a lot of cash, and times of being slightly flusher at different points from each other. An empathetic friendship should reflect that.

PlatinumStart Fri 26-Jul-13 10:50:04

An sorry it can be tough cant it?

I fell out with a very good friend of mine years ago because she just couldn't accept that with 2 very young DC I simply could afford her £500 hen weekend. I tried talking to her, explaining that we couldn't afford a family holiday at that time and so there was no way I could spend family money (I wasn't working) on myself.

We've barely spoke since and I do wonder now she is a mother herself whether she ever thinks she might have been a teeny bit unreasonable.

grumpyoldbat Fri 26-Jul-13 10:43:22

Did. I agree they are not proper friends.

I'm currently getting ratty with all the charity requests 'but it's only £x'.

Disclaimer I'm not against giving money to charity but I can't give them what I don't have and won't leave my DC to starve so I can give, they have to come first.

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