To wish people would understand when you say "I can't, I've got no money at the moment..."

(101 Posts)
GetStuffezd Thu 25-Jul-13 16:46:28

You actually mean "I really do have no money at the moment!"
I'm just having a frustrated rant.
I've moved house this week and even with my parents kindly lending me a deposit, it has wiped me out for this month. I have £18 to last until the end of the month. No biggie, I can do it. However, a group of friends I went to uni with, who live in the city about 25 miles away, have been nagging repeatedly for me to go out with them for their big reunion. I would LOVE to go. But I can't physically cannot afford it.
Result = stupid FB messages telling me to drive and drink coke, hop the train and drink whatever is on offer, etc. Finally, a snotty message from one person saying my no-show was pretty poor.

It's frustrating and embarrassing to have to repeatedly explain how little money you have. AIBU to wish people could be a bit more sensitive?

weisswusrt Thu 25-Jul-13 18:36:53

I hate it when you are enticed out on the promise of them paying for drinks, for them to forget they are sort of your sponsor for the night and have to sneak out humiliated because you have no drink and look like a knob.

ArgyMargy Thu 25-Jul-13 18:39:38

YANBU. If a friend of mine said this to me I would offer to treat her, and if she declined I would leave her alone. These so-called friends of yours are very insensitive, IMO.

SwishSwoshSwoosh Thu 25-Jul-13 18:42:25

Maybe time for a friend cull. Anyone who describes you not being able to afford to go as a 'poor show' is no friend. Just dump them, spend your money on real friends.

Boomba Thu 25-Jul-13 18:43:19

they aint your friends

Just to be clear, that when I said a friend might offer to pay for you, it was in the context of a birthday present, rather than a loan. We always used to go out for everyone's birthday, but the birthday girl never paid for anything at all, the bill was totally split between the rest of us. I've also given friends hard cash when we have gone out, without anyone else being any the wiser and only what I can afford to give them, so maybe £10 or £20 for the evening. They have their budget in their hand and it's up to them whether they blow it on one cocktail or 8 pints of coke.

phantomnamechanger Thu 25-Jul-13 18:47:57

er, the car tyre thing is bad actually- you cannot drive with no spare tyre!

But YANBU OP- someone I know was flogging black-tie-ball tickets, for a local charity, and she just can't get that some people do not have that sort of money (£35 each)to fritter on a night out - factoring in drinks money, baby sitter, taxi, we would have been looking at £180 for a night out. never mind buying or hiring something very posh to wear, new shoes etc - No way. And we have a good family income, afford lots of things others clas as luxuries (eg kids have music lessons) so she thinks we are rolling in it - erm, no, we just have to be careful what we spend on - £180 for one night out, or a 6 weeks worth of music lessons for 3DC. Never mind that some familes cant spend that on food for a fortnight

Oblomov Thu 25-Jul-13 18:49:51

If you messaged/text what random said, then only a fool would not understand.

Secretswitch Thu 25-Jul-13 18:56:19

YANBU. Having no money is our way of life at the moment. people really just seem to "get" it, do they? Today is my five year wedding anniversary. People have been ringing and texting all day to ask what romantic plans Dh and I have. Well, we thought we would have rice and beans for dinner and maybe sit by ourselves in the garden after our five year old has gone to bed. Our toilet seat broke on Monday, forcing us to spend money on a new one. We joke that we shall just tell people we are renovating the loo for our five year anniversary...

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 19:02:06

You could start a new trend for anniversary gifts, Secret. I know paper is for first and now loo seat can be for 5th. grin

OP, they aren't friends. Stick with the one suggesting dvds and a wander.

Drives me mad. I've known so many people over the years who have responded to "I'm broke/skint" with, "oh yeah, me too, can only afford a few drinks tonight".

Oh.. only a few.. uh huh..

Do want to hand them a dictionary.

Luckily my friends are much less self centred nowadays.

PaulSmenis Thu 25-Jul-13 19:04:11

If people say they can't afford it, it's rude to badger them.

My pet peeve is the people who seem to think that everyone has a few hundred pounds to just chuck around.

MissMarplesBloomers Thu 25-Jul-13 19:05:43

Phantom I can actually, have been for 4 days, it ain't satisfactory & probably illegal but I physically Have.No.Cash. till some clients cough up at the end of the month.

grin you have just proved my point!

Caster8 Thu 25-Jul-13 19:05:48

When some people say they are skint, they mean they dont have much left after they have paid into their isas, pensions etc.

EeTraceyluv Thu 25-Jul-13 19:06:43

Absolutely agree! DH's car has had it, totally had it - we cannot afford to get it looked at let alone fixed: cue helpful people 'oh I know a bloke who is selling his old car for £500' or 'take it to xx garage they're cheap.' A group of us go to a pub quiz fortnightly - I literally had no money last time but didn't say so, just said I couldn't make it. Everyone was saying 'oh, I'd have bought you a drink,' or 'oh you could have just had a couple' NO I ACTUALLY Couldn't!! And I hate taking drinks off people. It's horrible being poor sad And what really pisses me off (on a roll now grin ) is people saying how skint they are 'until the end of the month' then saying 'oh, I think I was paid last Friday, I didn't check' You would have had to have checked if you were that bloody poor! Rant Over....

MissMarplesBloomers Thu 25-Jul-13 19:07:39

Caster quite...to me that is getting tight, hard saving or rainy day stuff.

Skint is having beans & pasta for most meals & making a £5-er last a week. Again.

PaulSmenis Thu 25-Jul-13 19:07:45

"When some people say they are skint, they mean they dont have much left after they have paid into their isas, pensions etc."

And they also have the right to refuse things on the basis of being skint!

BikeRunSki Thu 25-Jul-13 19:11:50

I had a group of friends like that OP. After I' d turned down quite a lot of invitations for evenings out, weekends away and so on, they stopped inviting me. I no longer stress about how to afford their lifestyle and much prefer the company of my real friends who share a bottle of wine, mug of tea, walk in the park....

exexpat Thu 25-Jul-13 19:12:07

(off topic: there is no legal requirement to have a spare tyre - a lot of cars these days don't even come with one, they have an emergency repair kit instead. https://www.askthe.police.uk/content/Q602.htm)

BikeRunSki Thu 25-Jul-13 19:15:20

You can drive without a spare tyre, but if you do have one it must be legal.

Secretswitch Thu 25-Jul-13 19:15:33

YoutheCat, the funniest part was hearing my five year telling her nan on the phone " We've just bought a new seat for the toilet. I think mum's big bum sitting down caused it to break"
I think tonight I shall write a blog detailing the new anniversary gift for the really truly skint..

livinginwonderland Thu 25-Jul-13 19:34:27

YANBU OP, we're in the same situation and have been all week.DP has £4 to his name to last until payday on Wednesday and we've pretty much run out of food.

Secretswitch Thu 25-Jul-13 19:37:50

I'm very sorry to hear that livinginwonderland. My heart goes out to you.

RalphGnu Thu 25-Jul-13 19:56:54

YADNBU.

My brother complains he is skint all the time, but he means after paying for the four, yes four, family holidays he goes on every year, filling both cars with petrol and meals out with friends. To me, skint is having to eat toast until payday and hoping the coins in your purse will stretch to another loaf.

He got cross with me for not being able to chip in for our uncle's birthday present ( I love my uncle but not enough to chip in sixty blimming quid fgs). He told me to just not go out this Saturday night.

I haven't been out on a Saturday night for over two years!

I know how it feels livinginwonderland. Couldn't afford to go food shopping this week so we've had some really random meals using up the little we had in the freezer and cupboards.

Ezio Thu 25-Jul-13 20:10:38

I just had this, me and my 2 close friends have birthdays within 20 days of each other, my DDs birthday also falls in this time too, so i cant do much for those birthdays because my DDs 6th means me to me.

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