To wish people would understand when you say "I can't, I've got no money at the moment..."

(101 Posts)
GetStuffezd Thu 25-Jul-13 16:46:28

You actually mean "I really do have no money at the moment!"
I'm just having a frustrated rant.
I've moved house this week and even with my parents kindly lending me a deposit, it has wiped me out for this month. I have £18 to last until the end of the month. No biggie, I can do it. However, a group of friends I went to uni with, who live in the city about 25 miles away, have been nagging repeatedly for me to go out with them for their big reunion. I would LOVE to go. But I can't physically cannot afford it.
Result = stupid FB messages telling me to drive and drink coke, hop the train and drink whatever is on offer, etc. Finally, a snotty message from one person saying my no-show was pretty poor.

It's frustrating and embarrassing to have to repeatedly explain how little money you have. AIBU to wish people could be a bit more sensitive?

Makqueen Thu 25-Jul-13 16:48:35

I don't think people get the difference between 'I don't have enough to stay out all night and buy a thousand drinks/dinner' and 'I can't come out, I am scraping by just to eat'.

I have had this before and it's irritating to say the least.

RandomMess Thu 25-Jul-13 16:50:40

I would actually reply saying "I have £18 for anything and everything until August and owe my parents £x - I really cannot afford to come out am gutted to be missing out"

InGloriousTechnicolor Thu 25-Jul-13 16:52:42

YANBU - some people genuinely don't get what it's like to have a completely finite amount of money until (say) the end of the month. I think if someone says they can't afford it, you should just leave it otherwise you are going to embarrass them. But people seem to think it's OK to nag.

SleepyFish Thu 25-Jul-13 16:55:03

Oh I hear you. It's my birthday next week, it's a biggie and I am sick of telling people I'm not doing anything coz I'm skint. Have literally just been asked again 5 minutes ago. As you say it's embarrassing.

Borisboohoo Thu 25-Jul-13 16:55:29

I know exactly what you mean. It frustrates me when they say "but it's only £X'. When you have NO money £5 or £5000 is equally unobtainable. Or they go ON and ON forcing you to repeat yourself which is embarrassing and none of their business. Or they don't believe you when you buy/go and do something else not understanding that you make choices about where your little bit of money goes and most of the time treats/nights out/their child's birthday present is not top of your list.

Groovee Thu 25-Jul-13 16:55:42

I have some friends like that! I just say no now with no excuse as I shouldn't have to have to explain myself.

GetStuffezd Thu 25-Jul-13 16:58:09

randommess that's exactly what I've just had to message. It doesn't feel great! I should add, a group of these friends came to my old city a couple of months ago and at one point were a three minute walk from my house. They didn't invite me and in fact posted lots of lovely pictures online of themselves... So they can't have wanted to see me that much.

RedPencils Thu 25-Jul-13 16:58:25

I had this with a friend of mine. Organising a big girls night out, involved an overnight stay in posh hotel. Normally I'd be first in, but I had lost my job four months previously and had nothing else on the horizon. I said, 'I'm not working so I can't afford it' but she went on and on about.
I wasnt embarassed about not beem having a job, it happens. But It was humiliating to have to say over and over again 'I can't afford it'.
YANBU - I do wonder what some people's idea of 'no money' is.

GetStuffezd Thu 25-Jul-13 16:59:28

Yes Boris if only people realised that sometimes people have to prioritise to minute degrees!

Tee2072 Thu 25-Jul-13 16:59:32

Just keep saying no. Stop explaining why.

If your friends put pressure on you like this, then I'm sorry to say it, but they are not real friends. A real friend will find something that you can join in, that won't cost anything at all (eg. if it's your birthday and you can't afford to go anywhere then it becomes "their treat", no fuss, just a statement), or will just drop the subject.

exexpat Thu 25-Jul-13 17:00:51

I think a lot of people assume you can just put it on a credit card/run up an overdraft and worry about it later. They don't realise that some people either can't (don't have credit cards or overdraft facilities, or are already maxed out) or don't want to go into debt. YANBU.

GetStuffezd Thu 25-Jul-13 17:02:36

Ironically justforlaughs it's starting to hot home that they're not proper friends. I think I'm kind of the "laughing stock" figure within the group, and while that was fine when we were 21, I'm a bit sick of that now.

Also, I had a lovely message from a good friend in my old town offering to come round for DVDs and a wander round new village. Totally free and a great catch up. I'm going to stop feeling guilty now.

saulaboutme Thu 25-Jul-13 17:04:48

Yanbu. I never used to say I was skint but I've had to now.
We were friends with a couple, (note WERE) who every couple of weeks wanted to meet for nights out, dinner, drinks etc and one it twice yes we met.
In the end we were making excuses and I just had to say no, can't afford it. Wife of couple just couldn't understand!! Needless to say they are now divorced...she bled her DH dry.
There will be other nights out. Just ignore them. Sometimes it's like this.

MissMarplesBloomers Thu 25-Jul-13 17:06:28

Oh spooky I was just going to start the same thread myself!! grin

"We're going to the pub" .....Sorry I'm broke

Come on only for the quiz ( last time they said that it was 3 bottles of wine)

NO!!!

or just today ...me, contemplating my flat tyre & the new spare currently doing the job "Ah well the tyre will have to wait till I can afford a new one"

Helpful Neighbour" You should get it changed, you might need it, "only" about £50 at Quickfit"

ME trying to joke... " ah well that's about £49.99 more than I have spare right now"

HIM: Well you should prioritise your safety y'know and cut back on something else.

ME; Ok so I'll tell the kids no food for a week then eh?

<head...wall>

I manage to be quite Pollyanna about it most days but today I am SO pissed off with saying "Can't afford it" Yet.Again.

ipswichwitch Thu 25-Jul-13 17:09:17

Totally agree that some have a completely different idea of skint. A relative of mine is always banging on about being skint, then in the next breath tells you how she's bought this bag and that pair of shoes, booked another holiday and never gets to go out despite having been out every weekend for the last 4 months.

I get really annoyed when I say I'm totally skint, and she says oh yeah so am I, then proceeds to grill me as to why I can't afford x, y and z. Her rationale is that even though she pleads poverty she always manages to find money for Various extras an can't understand why I can't do the same

pianodoodle Thu 25-Jul-13 17:12:14

Have a good time with your old friend smile

I'm always having to find free things to do with DD during the day and it isn't that hard - we have a good time - but I often have to decline things like "out for lunch" etc... In favour of eating at home and meeting them after. I don't mind and neither do they but if I was getting badgered about it I wouldn't think they were very good friends.

Also, people over use "I'm skint" and quite often it just means they can only afford drinks not dinner rather than being down to their last few pennies...

RabbitFromAHat Thu 25-Jul-13 17:16:39

Yep, I get it. On Tuesday I had to count out change from the penny jar to buy potatoes to feed myself with until payday tomorrow. The last thing I needed was to get a passive-aggressive mail from someone complaining that I was missing their last-Thursday-of-every-month AGAIN. Err, yes, I think you could perhaps see a pattern there. grin YAsoNBU.

farrowandbawl Thu 25-Jul-13 17:44:30

You are not being unreasonable in the slightest. These are not friends. Friends would have understood and left it at that or even maybe even paid for you to go out as a treat.

Just think of this as something to look out for in future as a warning flag.

FacebookWanker Thu 25-Jul-13 17:48:33

It annoys me beyond belief.

OP, I hope you have great time with your real friend thanks, who knows, she may even bring a bottle of wine to share wine

Turniptwirl Thu 25-Jul-13 17:51:21

Yadnbu

I declined lunch with the girls from my office last week coz I couldn't afford it. I had someone offer to pay for me, offer (without asking anyone else!) to split my cost between everyone etc. If it was a close friend I might have agreed but not for a work thing. I don't want to be the one relying on other people

A few years ago a friend lent me £50 so I could go on a night out with her that she desperately wanted me to go to. But I've since learned my lesson about borrowing and ghat if I can't afford it this month why do I think I can afford to pay it back next month?! Unless I know I have extra money coming from a bonus of overtime I won't borrow anymore and certainly not for a night out!

They should feel embarrassed for being so insensitive and ignorant. Do they realise you've just moved? Have they ever done that themselves? It took me months to financially 'recover' from moving costs when I was renting.

Having no money sucks and shouldn't be made worse by annoying 'friends' and their guilt trips.

Rant over. And apologies for all the inverted commas.

Have a lovely evening.

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time, but am I allowed to be excited you've moved quite near me (if I have the right person....) gringringrin I love finding local MNers.

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