I was cripplingly shy as a child/young adult, to the point of feeling stupid and unworthy for even daring to occupy the same social space as anyone else. I was, and still am to some extent, incredibly introverted.
I'm currently seeking a better job and imagining how I would act in an interview that demands a bit of blagging on my part. To me a lot of it does seem like it has to be a performance because I'm not naturally confident most of the time. If I continued to act as reserved and modest as I was a few years ago, I don't think I would ever have been employable, not made new friends and not even got together with DP.
I wouldn't have been able to talk about my achievements and skills openly.
I wouldn't have been able to ask for help when I needed it or express when I felt under pressure.
I wouldn't have been able to mix with colleagues. I'd miss out on valuable networking opportunities.
I wouldn't have been able to make the first move with men - or even get beyond the introduction. I couldn't do small talk or banter at all.
Worst of all, people would have likely viewed me as arrogant or stuck-up because I wouldn't engage with them.
It amazes me how I managed to get through 20 years of education (inc. post-grad) and no-one, not even once to my recollection, emphasised the importance of confidence and social skills for outside the academic sphere. I really hope schools and universities are now promoting these attributes, otherwise it seems that other shy young people don't stand a chance in most careers. I think it's amazing how much I've had to develop my social skills in the last decade just to get up to scratch with everyone else, and stand a chance at earning decent money. I've spoken to a couple of other friends who had similarly difficult adolescences (extended for far too long!) and they said the most steep learning curve in their first jobs has been developing these social niceties which have been mostly self-taught.
It just seems unfair that shy people are left to flounder and either we independently struggle and suffer seemingly endless mortifications on the path to confidence or end up in the less client-facing jobs (wonder if these tend to be paid less?)
Go on - AIBU?
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To think being shy gets you nowhere in life?
49 replies
shinytoe · 25/07/2013 15:01
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