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to want people to stop shortening my name? (first world issues!)

(107 Posts)
lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain Thu 25-Jul-13 14:02:39

I have a very traditional, slightly long name. Without specifically mentioning it, it's the name of a former British queen who wore black a lot.

So why, without me asking, do people feel the need to shorten it? It drives me mad. For the record, I have no problem with other people who choose to use said name. However, when I was at primary school (oh yes, it goes back that far) there was a girl who was actually called the short form and she was an absolute cow. Since then, I've really hated being called it.

What's worse, is now it's people in a business context doing it. I would never shorten someone's name unless there was an 'oh, please call me xxx' or they signed their emails that way.

AIBU to be irrationally irritated by this?

GemmaTeller Thu 25-Jul-13 14:05:06

No, I'm with you on that one, I beyond hate it when people shorten my name!!

When people shorten it I immediately say the correct version of it.

No YANBU I have this too and it drives me crazy, especially as the shortened version sounds just like cursed.

phantomnamechanger Thu 25-Jul-13 14:08:09

No, I agree with you - just politely correct them when they do it -"actually, it's longname , please"

I have once had a susan tell me it was not sue, & that's fine, I never did it again

if someone persists, retaliate by saying their name wrong on purpose and see how they like it - better still, ignore them till they say the right name

RNJ3007 Thu 25-Jul-13 14:08:52

I feel your pain. I just about tolerate it from my siblings, but no one else! Drives me mad!!!

mynameisslimshady Thu 25-Jul-13 14:09:05

People lengthen mine. I find it very irritating. They ask my name, I tell them then they say 'oh so its xxxx then?' NO ITS FUCKING NOT, ITS THE NAME I JUST SAID angry .

Sorry for that rant, but I feel your pain.

phantomnamechanger Thu 25-Jul-13 14:10:15

whiter, I was wondering what name had an abbreviation that could possibly sound like cursed - was trying to think of anything that might have the letters "ursed" in it - then the penyt dropped when I said "cursed" aloud!

Oh noes at cursed, oh dearie me.

Op yanbu

Davsmum Thu 25-Jul-13 14:12:37

YANBU

Everyone shortens my son's name - The long version is lovely - but the shortened version sounds horrible.
When anyone talks about him to me and they use the short version I always correct them - because its NOT the name I gave him.
I don't mind what they call him if I am not there or am unaware and I know he isn't that bothered about it that much.
To me,.. the horrible name just isn't 'him' !

quesadilla Thu 25-Jul-13 14:12:38

I agree... Have a similar name which people take it upon themselves to shorten.

I don't actually mind when its people I know well or have known a long time. But when people I have just met do it -- or worse, do it in a professional context -- I think it's incredibly presumptuous. Asking me if I mind costs nothing.

IneedAyoniNickname Thu 25-Jul-13 14:13:22

People do it all the time with my dc, so I'll introduce them as Christopher and Samuel (not real names) and people say "hi Chris, hi Sam" makes me angry

Vivacia Thu 25-Jul-13 14:14:01

I can think of two shortened versions for your name last do you like neither of them?

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Thu 25-Jul-13 14:14:04

YANBU - I can not stand the standard nickname for my name. There are many reasons I don't like it, and I think I have every right to be called by my chosen name - it was good enough for my mum to call me, it is good enough for the world to call me.

I can just about cope with my preferred shortening, but then only by my DH.

Morgause Thu 25-Jul-13 14:16:35

I always ask children in my classes what they like to be called.

Adults I would say, "Hello, Christopher." And he may say, "It's Chris."

Then that's what I use, otherwise it's Christopher. Both DCs have names that I like the shortened form of.

Vivacia Thu 25-Jul-13 14:17:40

I think it's friendly when people shorten a name. I like long names for having so many potential short variations.

CaptainUndercrackers Thu 25-Jul-13 14:19:08

Yep, I hate this too. People should call you by the name you give when you introduce yourself. I hate my name being shortened and will put people right (politely) if they do it. My closest friend persistently shortens my son's name - she never calls him by his full name ever. Every time she says it I repeat his full name (e.g.how's LittleCap?' 'oh, LittleCaptain, he's fine thanks.'). But she never twigs and it feels like it's a bit precious to tell her not to use a nickname for him. But it secretly drives me bonkers!

daisychain01 Thu 25-Jul-13 14:21:11

My name gets shortened only on the odd occasion and it grates like mad, so I nip that in the bud very quickly. Its very presumptuous to change someone's name when they have not told you that its OK - So, absolute YANBU!

The protocol should be that its your name so - unless you introduce yourself as [shortname] - people should presume that you are only known as [longname]. Sometimes, I know it happens that if you are close to the person and it becomes a term of endearment over time, then its maybe time for them to call you [shortname]. But not OK for people to assume - as they don't know if you have negative associations with [shortname]!

Although ironically, sometimes its the other way round of course, the [longname] has associations with being told off by DP's! Then its [shortname] every time and its maximum impact when you want the person to know you are v annoyed with them smile

Salmotrutta Thu 25-Jul-13 14:24:29

This is partly why we gave our DC short names!

My husband has a short name - it can't be shortened but one of his acquaintances tried to years ago. He got short shrift.

(Think along the lines of "Er" for Eric - but it's not Eric! grin)

SelectAUserName Thu 25-Jul-13 14:24:53

YANBU. I always introduce myself with the long version of my name. Some old friends call me by the abbreviated version and that's fine. If I introduce myself and the person asks "do you prefer Longname or Shortname?" I usually say I don't mind. But if I introduce myself as Longname and they immediately assume they can start calling me by the short version, especially if it's e.g. a sales rep cold calling me at work, I hate it and make a point of correcting them.

I feel the same as you OP... When people (as you say - business contacts!) shorten my name I usually look so surprised that they normally notice and then say - oh, are you a short-name or a long-name. I am firmly a long-name though I notice that insisting on this makes me look stuffy and square. Sod it though, the short-name version just seems a totally different name to me.

I have a new colleague and I noticed some people were calling him by his nickname. I asked him which one he would prefer to be called by. He said he didn't mind!? Well that's confusing, I can't decide that for you!!

Twitterqueen Thu 25-Jul-13 14:25:49

Last Lastnight LastnightIwenttoManderleyagain phew...

My RL name is 9 characters long with 3 'e's in it. And I get really, really pee'd off if people shorten it and also if they miss out one of th 'e's!

I do actually correct people who do this in emails because I think to get someone's name right is just basic respect.

WafflyVersatile Thu 25-Jul-13 14:26:56

I tend to stick to whatever the person uses to introduce themselves as and don't really get people shortening them uninvited past school.

I have had someone say 'oh so do you get called waffle or waffly?' to which I replied 'wafflyversatile is fine'.

JohFlow Thu 25-Jul-13 14:31:01

I'm with you too daisy.

My long name is very rare and makes me feel special. It has the added benefit of being deliciously difficult to pronounce lol. The shortened form was adapted by my Dad (who has been absent for 20 years now). Being called by the shortened form just reminds me of the past.

I agree it is always better not to chance it and to ask someone what they would like to be called.

Some names have powerful connotations

mrsravelstein Thu 25-Jul-13 14:31:07

i have a long name which is easily shortened. i only ever introduce myself by my actual name, but probably at least 50% of hte people i meet will instantly start calling me by one of 2 shortenings, i think without even realising they're doing it. i don't take offence as it's clearly not meant.

and i've got to admit i struggle with all the millions of double barrelled first names little girls seem to have now... ellie-may, ruby-grace, etc etc, and will automatically just call them by the first of the 2 names.

mrsravelstein Thu 25-Jul-13 14:31:43

twitterqueen i'd put a small bet on it that we've got the same name...

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