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WIBU or should I stick up for myself? (Petty but is causing havoc)

(20 Posts)
Betternc4this Thu 25-Jul-13 14:33:35

It's almost like blaming you indirectly for whatever horrible thing (or whatever) has happened to her. I get this a lot from my toxic sister.

I was trying to get hold of her one day and the family pet had died and I got 'Can you try in a bit, cant talk now' So I rang again later and got her answering machine, so I rang her mobile thinking she might be out and she answered with ' WHAT? ' then went on to rant at me for fucking stalking her blah blah and did I not realise how upset everyone was there etc.
Well actually sis that'd be a No hmm

alemci Thu 25-Jul-13 14:26:36

but she had already given you part of it so wouldn't she want rid of the rest of it.weren't you only trying to get things done. ahe sounds in flexible

yanbu

Doubtfuldaphne Thu 25-Jul-13 14:25:08

It turns out that she was angry with him so he was in turn angry with me for making him go and get the drawers and making her angry.
This is hilarious

ScrambledSmegs Thu 25-Jul-13 14:20:55

That sounds pretty horrible. And toxic, actually. How's your relationship with your DH normally?

pictish Thu 25-Jul-13 12:04:39

So you're the scapegoat are you? The whipping boy?

That's nice of them. How kind.

Doubtfuldaphne Thu 25-Jul-13 11:47:31

I'm always seen as the trouble maker for no reason at all.

ScrambledSmegs Thu 25-Jul-13 11:29:58

Eh? Why is your DH livid with you? Sounds like you had very little to do with the whole arrangement, all you did was measure the car and say it would fit confused

Both of them are blaming you for a breakdown in communication between your DH and SIL. It's rather childish.

EllesAngel Thu 25-Jul-13 11:19:13

Agree with whois your DH is being a dick.

It's not your fault that your SIL was giving hints, which he didn't pick up, instead of being clear about it being inconvenient.

Doubtfuldaphne Thu 25-Jul-13 11:06:20

I messaged her smile I said I am very grateful and I had no idea it was a bad time, maybe a breakdown in communication. If I'd known I would've been fine waiting until she was free and I'm just trying to get the house in order.
I hope it didn't come across as too angry but to be fair it has caused uproar here and I cannot believe dh is siding with her!

whois Thu 25-Jul-13 10:54:54

YANBU, SIL but mainl DP is being a dick.

Be the bigger person, text SIL along the lines of "sorry I pushed for the collection at a bad time, didnt pick up on the hints (doh!). Hope you're ok? Just let DH know when it's a good time, no rush. See you soon, OP xx"

Doubtfuldaphne Thu 25-Jul-13 10:49:00

So glad you all agree. I can't stand passive aggressive attitudes.

SoleSource Thu 25-Jul-13 10:00:52

YANBU They are

I honestly would go and see her and tell her how it is to her face about 1 cm from it

pictish Thu 25-Jul-13 09:46:23

Well seeing as she gave no indication as to her stance about this at all, until after the event, my opinion is that she can shove it in her pipe and smoke it.

She was being passive aggressive and not giving very obvious hints. If it was a bad time, she should have said "It is a bad time, can you come at X instead?"

I'm dim when it comes to hints, wouldn't have picked up on the car one at all tbh and if they'd said they were going out come here ASAP I probably would have done it ASAP because they were going out and that's what they actually said...

It's not your bloody fault she's being petty.

CSIJanner Thu 25-Jul-13 09:42:56

YANBU

From the OP, all you did was clear space and measure the boot. The communication between the siblings should have been clearer. Sounds like he's blamed you to SIL to cover his own back.

Doubtfuldaphne Thu 25-Jul-13 09:38:14

Why hint though? Just say yes or no.. Plus it was my dh who arranged it so its him who should've picked up the hint but he's blaming me.
Can you believe dh is not even speaking to me over this? It's so silly!

She is giving you something and you've chosen to ignore her hints about when it's convenient to collect it? I'm in her corner.

ANormalOne Thu 25-Jul-13 09:30:08

She is being ridiculous, she should have just said it was an inconvenient time.

But I wouldn't want to cause aggro myself, just send her a message saying you're sorry that he came at an inconvenient time and if she lets you know next time you won't make the same mistake.

LEMisdisappointed Thu 25-Jul-13 09:28:02

She should have been clearer but she sounds stressed be the bigger person abd send her a text asking her if she is ok and to let youknow when is convenient

Doubtfuldaphne Thu 25-Jul-13 09:24:52

Sil offered us a piece of furniture and brought half of it over two days ago. Dh said he'd get the rest the next day so I was clearing space for it getting organised.
He phones her and she tries putting him off saying it won't fit in the car but he's very welcome to try. I measured car, said it'll fit so he phoned her back and she said she's going out so to get there ASAP
He comes back livid saying she's angry with me for being pushy as it was a bad time, why did I need it straight away! Dh says I should've arranged it with her not him.
I feel like messaging her now to explain I had no idea it was inconvenient but would it make it worse? They're so angry with me it seems so over the top.

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