to think that pub garden after 8.30 should be adults only?

(87 Posts)
lessonsintightropes Thu 25-Jul-13 01:11:39

Prepared for a flaming here and am really not sure what the right answer is, so would be keen to know what others think.

There's a naice pub about 10 mins walk from us. It is v kid friendly which is lovely. There's a nice garden at the back which includes a little playground for the kids. I was in there with DH this evening having dinner. At about 8.30 we'd finished eating - we were sat at the table nearest the adventure playground. There were a lot of kids when we arrived at 7 but had pretty much gone by 8.30, but there were a few - five, say? - all between 3 and 6. They were fairly unsupervised - parents and friends sat drinking about 20 yards away at the other side of the garden, kids were running around, scooting on scooters, and bumping into tables where other people were eating.

I wanted to have a cigarette after dinner and looked around, saw the kids were a little way from us, and lit up, blowing it away from where the kids were playing. One mum lurched over to our table (she really was a bit pissed) and told me off for smoking near her kids. Several people at the table she was sitting at were smoking.

AIBU to think that a) she shouldn't have been that drunk in charge of DCs, b) that they should have been better supervised anyway and c) shouldn't they have been in bed at that point?

I totally get that it's a kid-friendly pub - especially during the day throughout the week - but AIBU to have a fag after dinner in an open garden?

(Hoisting up judgy pants. No DCs myself yet so really don't know if IWBU).

WaitMonkey Thu 25-Jul-13 08:03:50

YANBU. It's a pub, if parents want to take their children out at that time of the evening, then that's fine, but go to the park. Child friendly pubs, great for day time, but it should be remembered that they are an adult environment and people will be drinking and smoking.
And she certainly shouldn't be in that state, if she has children to care for.
As an aside though, and not what you'd asked, I'd ban all smoking in a public place

bedhaven Thu 25-Jul-13 08:21:30

YADNBU! Whilst its brilliant that so many pubs are family friendly have realised the value of the parental pound it's really blurred what the environment is.
In a pub I expect principally adults (especially those without children), alcohol and varying degrees of inebriation, nuts, smoking, full glasses, hot food, adult conversation, high heels.
In a child friendly pub, I also expect lots of push chairs, that the children are learning with parental guidance how to behave in an adult environment but who still need some practice! We should all be considerate of each other, not expect everyone to pander to us.

whois Thu 25-Jul-13 08:28:07

YABU about the children being in the pub garden.
There was a pub near us when I was growing up on the edge of loads of playing fields and had a huge playground. Pretty standard in the long summer evenings to bike there, have some food then is play in the playground or play football with other children or something until 8.30is before biking home while mum and dad chatted to friends and had a drink. Lovely memories.

As much as I hate smoking, you were totally reasonable to smoke where you did.

Onesleeptillwembley Thu 25-Jul-13 08:35:09

YABU. I'd rather have the kids than smokers. Whole different level of offensive.

ComposHat Thu 25-Jul-13 08:41:37

I spent most of my summer holidays sat in beer gardens with a bottle of vimto and a packet of crisps whilst my parents and grandparents drank inside. (back in the halcyon days when kids weren't allowed inside pubs)

I think YABU about them being there but YANBU about the ciggy or the mum being an ignorant drunken twat.

Groovee Thu 25-Jul-13 08:49:34

Our bowling club allows under 14's in until 9pm as that is what the licence is, so likely the same is there for pubs. We often go til 9pm at the bowling club but as long as you don't smoke near me, I don't mind what you do. I'm also tea total and dh only has 1 or 2 pints.

AnnabelleLee Thu 25-Jul-13 08:54:09

I wouldn't smoke in a playground, thats a space for children that admits adults to mind them.
In a beer garden though, thats a space for adults who can bring children along if they wish. It's more my place than theirs, and they can stay well away from my table.

FeckOffCup Thu 25-Jul-13 09:04:29

YANBU, if you choose to take your children to a pub later on in the evening you have to accept that people may be smoking, appearing drunk or having adult conversation in said pub premises. YANBU to take kids to the beer garden but YWBU to complain about any of the above behaviours around the children, it's your choice to take them to a pub.

HairyGrotter Thu 25-Jul-13 09:19:49

Hmmm, I'm not the biggest fan of children, but I do take DD to beer gardens of a nice summers evening. I'll have a few pints (I smoke too) whilst she has a run around and play with other kids. She's 5 and very friendly but also aware that not everyone will want to interact.

I'm not really worried about her seeing me have a drink, mainly because it's not wrong to enjoy a drink sensibly. I also don't mind if someone is inebriated in front of her because I'm there to watch over her etc.

You are more than entitled to smoke in the beer garden, the mother was being a bit of a bellend really, so YANBU in that respect!

teacherandguideleader Thu 25-Jul-13 09:27:32

Children playing in a beer garden wouldn't bother me, I actually quite enjoy listening to children playing -as long as they are not running riot (I have no children myself). I might be a bit judgey if children were in a beer garden past 8pm term time, mainly because I often deal with the over tired children the next day, but it is he holidays!

With the regards to the smoking, as much as it annoys me that the gardens are smokey I just accept that it's a pub and that's where people smoke. If the parents were so worried about that, they should have taken the children elsewhere.

Pigsmummy Thu 25-Jul-13 09:33:15

Why is everyone spelling nice "naice" these days? Has it changed and did I miss the memo?

YABU about children out, its the school holidays but can't comment on the smoking as I didn't see your proximity to the children. As for the pissed Mum before you judge do you know if her partner was there? Maybe it was her turn to have a drink and her (sober) partner was going to put children to bed etc?

Jenny70 Thu 25-Jul-13 09:34:07

Australia has laws about smoking near children's playgrounds (but on private land may be different), stops cigarette butts in pg and teenagers hanging around there etc.

OP, YABU to expect others to take children home for your convenience - rules need to be able to be enforced - what about babies, are they to be banned after 8.30 even if they are asleep in buggy? What about 12yr olds? Who deciides which age, which time - oh parents, why don't we let them decide for their own children?

YABU to smoke near pg, there must be other places - at front of pub etc.

YANBU to expect the pub to have a better clue about separating users, smoking and children in same space isn't compatible, if they want families, then create a sep smoking area.

CuChullain Thu 25-Jul-13 09:38:06

I am about as anti smoking as it gets but the OP was legally well within her rights to light up a ciggie in the garden of the pub. I am still of the school of thought that pubs are essentially first and foremost adult environments that let children in at certain times, namely daytimes and early evenings. Just because your children are in a pub garden, their rights do not trump all others and you cannot expect some kind of santised outdoor space free from smoke/bad language or whatever when you are essentially in an adult space irrespective of whether there is a climbing frame and slide present. Most pubs, even the children friendly ones, tend to have a policy that after a certain time kids need to be kept under control on indeed, even leave. I have seen increasingly parents dumping their kids in beer gardens and leaving them to it while they get pissed with their pals, more often than not, they do not keep their kids under control so everyone else who wants to enjoy a few sundowners has to put up with the resulting mayhem. Its bloody inconsiderate.

Incidentally I was in my local pub last night and ended up having a word with a group of parents who had decided to finish their children’s end of term party in the rather busy beer pub garden. This was about 9.30pm, I strongly suspect that they were probably on their way home when the parents thought they could get away with a cheeky last drink. No problem with that except that they still had in tow about a dozen or so 11 – 12 year old girls, who clearly still giddy from the days entertainment ran riot and made enough noise to suggest that Justin Beiber had just popped in to say hi. The girls were basically bought a round of crisps and coke and left to their own devices which essentially involved making high pitch squeals and doing dance routines on the table, and generally being fucking irritating. This was not just my view, other patrons ended up finishing their drinks and leaving or moved to tables further away, the parents could not give a toss until I asked them to keep the kids under control, at which I got the astonished ‘they are not that noisy’, at which point I suggested they were extremely noisy…..and annoying. Of course this sparked the ‘they have just as much right to be there as everyone else which I thought at that time of night is bollocks statement. They left soon after when I think they realized just how much resentment they had caused.

See this is a hard one really. If I go to a pub for a drink during the day then I expect kids there. And I expect it to be loud busy lots of playing etc and I would feel that it's something I accept as part of my choice to eat at that time.

However if I Go out at 8:30/900 I do so to avoid children. Not because I don't like them I'm not that mean but because I would automatically assume at that time it would perhaps be older ones or the families would be heading home by then holidays or not.

I would t however sit near a playground then moan about the kids bring there and I certainly would t be smoking if there were kids present as that would just not feel right to me.

However if the mum was pissed then I'd be annoyed FOR the young kids thinking they'd probably want to be home at that time watching tv than causing chaos in a beer garden. It doesn't sound like a family meal out. If she's drunk she's probably had those poor kids there hours and yes that would probably annoy me.

But I'd do the moving.

Damnautocorrect Thu 25-Jul-13 09:41:44

Yabu about the time.

Yanbu about the child's behaviour they should have been respectful to others trying to enjoy if.

The smoking depends where you were positions etc.

ChunkyPickle Thu 25-Jul-13 09:49:55

YABU about the time, and the kids being there - especially in the hot weather in the summer holidays. Also about the squiffy mother - there could have been other people who were in charge of the kids.

YANBU about kids bumping into tables HOWEVER I class kids bumping into tables as others are eating as just as rude as people smoking while others are eating (the kids sound like they were far enough away that the smoke around the kids isn't an issue to my mind). That may just be me though, and I wouldn't say anything unless you were actually at my table (in which case I'd know you, and either be able to ask, or be expecting it and mutter to myself about it on the way home)

specialsubject Thu 25-Jul-13 10:00:00

the kids aren't allowed inside the pub. But it is a pub, not a playground. Much as I hate smoking, some people do it and a pub is one of the places where they do it.

with the indoor smoking ban (which I applaud) many pub gardens are now revolting no-go zones. That said, it is still a pub and still an adult place of entertainment. You sound like you have some wind awareness (unusual in a smoker) and you say that there were people smoking much nearer the kids than you were.

so you get a YANBU from me. Mum needs to swill less while she is in charge of the kids.

lessonsintightropes Thu 25-Jul-13 10:46:44

For future reference - for those who think I was unreasonable, what would you do differently? Go to a different pub?

RatUpADrainpipe Thu 25-Jul-13 10:47:21

Non-smokers wanted smoke-free places - now they've got them they should use them.

If you want to smoke where it is legal, then go ahead.

Crinkle77 Thu 25-Jul-13 11:56:54

YABU about the 8.30 time as it is the summer holidays and lovely weather outside. If smoking was allowed in that section then I think fair enough - you can smoke there. It is a pub. The mother should expect that people are going to smoke. She is more likely to do her children harm if she is drunk than what your cigarette smoke would do.

arabesque Thu 25-Jul-13 12:09:42

YANBU. If parents want to have their children in the pub at 8.30 they need to accept it's an adult environment and there will be people smoking.
Also regardless of location or time, parents should exercise some control over their children and make sure they're not unfairly annoying other customers. Family friendly does not mean 'kids come first'.

The mother was a twat who was drunk in charge of her children and then thought it was okay to lecture other people.

WilsonFrickett Thu 25-Jul-13 12:12:51

I do hate that all outside spaces in pubs are colonised by smokers. But that isn't the OP's fault or problem. You are entitled to smoke outside pubs, in fact I'd go as far as to say pubs encourage smokers to use their outdoor facilities to smoke because when the ban first came in they were petrified about losing smokers' money. So YANBU to smoke outside the pub, at all. Fair enough if you were deliberately blowing your smoke inside a newborn's pram hood I would say something, but you weren't.

And I hate smoke btw. Doesn't mean you were doing anything wrong.

Bowlersarm Thu 25-Jul-13 12:19:02

YANBU

Before I had children I used to be a bit annoyed if some where at a pub being rowdy, and well, kids really.

Hypocritically, after I had children I used to love the fact that we could take them to the pub in the evening (unlike when I was little and the rare occasions my parents went to the pub, children weren't allowed in and I had a bottle of coke and a packet of crisps sitting in the car).

But I still think they are primarily adult places for adults, and if people take their DC there then they have to accept that it is not necessarily an environment directed towards children. I hope it continues like this as well.

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 12:27:09

Pubs are for adults. The fact that kids are allowed in some is wonderful but it's still an adult environment where I'd expect kids to be appropriately supervised.

If there's a play area then maybe the pub should have a no smoking buffer zone around it and have smoking tables further away?

MrsMelons Thu 25-Jul-13 13:13:57

Dcs should definitely be supervised if in a pub which is primarily for adults who are drinking. My friend was barred from their local as they let their dcs play in the garden whilst they were sat inside drinking, she was really cross but I totally agree as I do not wish to look after other people's kids when I am out having a few drinks.

I don't really have any objections to dcs being in a pub garden if properly supervised and behaving appropriately for where they are

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