to want to flip out over this(27 Posts)
Hi, this is my first mn post but really need some opinions here before I lose it...my p has let shown my 2.4 yr old a clip of gremlins today, the bit where one of them explodes in the microwave - I'm absolutely livid that he thinks this is an ok thing to do and am worried that this will damage my ds and desentitise him to violence. I'm overreacting apparently.So as not to drip feed we are barely on speaking terms and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to leave him, but would really like some unbiased thoughts on this. Thanks
I never once said you didn't have a right to be worried, however I don't think this incident really falls in with him being irresponsible to the point his judgement is putting your son in danger.
It's just a difference in opinion and parenting.
One persons boundaries is another's, I have no problem with my sons watching films that are "deemed" too old for them, because frankly they know films are make believe, they know that iron man etc.... are all make believe, however they still have fun pretending they are goin to save the world.
You have went way OTT, in you're reaction.
I don't think he's an irresponsible parent because your son watched a 3 min clip of a gremlin in a microwave, most children like things exploding.
Yes of course I know that Altinkum, doesn't mean I don't have a right to be worried about it. I think most people would be worried if their child was in the care of someone they thought to be irresponsible and lacking normal boundaries?
You do know that when you split up and he gets contact time, what he shows and allows him to do will have nothing to do with you OP!!!
His time his rules, same as when he's with you, you're time you're rules
It's good that he's been taught that animals in microwaves explode. Might save a kitten's life one day...
Thanks eagle, so do I - I mean if something isn't suitable for a child well that's it then, or so you would think!
Just gave myself a headache reading back over my post with no paragraphs, sorry
he can't say no to ds? I may be a little old school but I find saying no to things I find inappropriate quite easy...
however it is very good that you realise your personal feelings may cloud your judgement. that shows, to me at least, that you are trying to do your best by him
Thanks everyone, ok so I overreacted about the effect it could have on ds I was kind of panicking when I posted but good to know I'm not the only one that thinks it's not an appropriate thing to show him. I don't have any perspective left when it comes to P tbh so was good to get some other opinions. I've asked him about it and he said it came up as a suggestion on YouTube after something else they looked at, and ds pointed at it to put it on and P thought it would be funny so played it.I know YouTube can be very random but still don't quite believe that he can't remember what they were looking at/searching for prior to that coming up. I said I felt very strongly that it's not something a small child should see and P says he doesn't want him looking at stuff like that either but it's like he just can't say no to ds or distract him from unsuitable things. so it's worrying. I know I always see worst case scenario and I can't help wondering what's going to happen when we're not actually together anymore and he really resents me but will have to cross that bridge when I come to it. thanks again.
OP, Women's Aid cover Ireland too - www.womensaid.org.uk/regional_map.asp?section=00010001000800060003
I'm pretty sure, though can't be definite, that some research was done on movies a while back that showed young kids don't get the violence thing when the goop isn't red like blood. And from what I remember Gremlins wasn't like that.
I'm in my 30s and grew up watching tom and jerry but don't hit people round the head with frying pans
often so try not to worry. Tbh, I wouldn't wand my kids to watch it until they're far older because of your reasons but I'm sure he won't be affected by it
It sounds like a very childish thing to do on the part of your P but unlikely to have any permanant effect on your DC.
However I would also be questioning why P doesn't have the common sense or maturity to think that there are loads more fun things to show a 2 year old, such as dancing dogs or happy penguins.
In an otherwise healthy and happy relationship it would simple raise a frown and a "fuxache you buffoon" comment, no more. It will not damage your child though they MAY remember that scene in years to come and not be able to remember WHY that image is in their head so perhaps keep an eye on that, if it comes up, it may well be a good thing for your child to see the film in context - it's a great 80's film BUT though cheesy contains language that is outdated (HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD used as freely as OMG - not something you want your 3 yr old saying) so don't worry please.
In your context, it sounds like just another thing. Yet another reason to leave and it must make you livid and quite hurt that knowing your relationship it teetering, he is doing stupid stuff rather than at least TRYING to fix things.
YANBU to feel the way you do, and it is NU to take this out of context, because this is the one you're in.
YABU to think that this will make your child bad.
Why did he show your DS the clip? Was he watching it anyway and your DS came up behind him and saw it, in which case I would let it go. Or did he deliberately show him the clip in order to be cruel and scare him? If so, I would wonder what next - porn? The Human Centipede?
I dont think your son will be traumatised by this personally.
I told him a few weeks ago that I thought it would be best if we split, it's a pretty horrible environment we're living in right now, it didn't go down too well so I haven't mentioned it since but an quietly trying to put together a plan to leave, thanks for the link suedoku but I'm in Ireland so info may not be the same. thanks for all your replies and please excuse the short posts
ds thought it was funny so not scared at all, maybe I am over reacting but p is pretty messed up and the fact that he is acting like it's completely ok to show this to a two year old is worrying. hollyberrybush bit of a difference between a cartoon and a movie like that, particularly to a child that can't yet understands that what's in tv is not real!
Sorry my last post was probably not that clear, there are already major issues in the relationship (in that it's basically over) and I'm freaking out over this. he completely denied that he'd shown it to ds after ds started asking to watch it on his phone earlier today so he has to know it's not right but I think he'll keep doing it just because I've said not to just to get at me..sorry on phone so hard to type long replies
He won't be desensitised by one thing.. Many things might but not one.
For eg, those many videos of slaughter houses put up on facebook by my animal rights friends at first were horrible.. But now I can watch them with a meh and crave a steak.
Wanting to leave over one indecent like that is overeacting though. He fucked up and is being a dick dismissing your feelings on the matter.
If you mean that you were planning on leaving him anyway (I read your post as meaning that this incident was the last straw, but I could well have got the wrong end of the stick) then get in touch with Women's Aid - www.womensaid.org.uk/ - who can give you a lot of practical tips and support. Good luck.
I understand you being upset as it was a very inappropriate thing to show a young child however it does sound like you are overreacting.
Does your DH know that you've been intending to leave him?
What certificate is the film? I don't think a single bad film will desensitise him to violence but a unified front on what certificate films he's allowed (eg any U, PG depending on what it's PG for, nothing 12 or over) sounds overdue.
Its not something he should of shown your young son but to want to leave your dp over it is an overreaction imo and I doubt it will have any major effect on your son,except perhaps a few nightmares but even that will be a "wait and see" thing but it won't "desensitise" him to violence,he's too young really and if anything I would of thought it would make him more scared of violence than less...
I read it as the OP leaving is a separate issue to the Gremlins clip thing?
Anyway, I think you are overreacting a teeny tiny bit. It's not at all what I'd choose to show a 2 year old, but I really doubt it's going to scar him forever. I wouldn't waste the energy being livid over it.
Seriously? and of course those of us brought up on Tom and Jerry are all utter sociopaths, belting each other round the head with frying pans.
Um I think prapps you are overreacting a bit calm down and think is this worth leaving him for? I do realise how bad the scene from Gremlins was I can remember the lil boy up the road being scared shitless over it but he has not become desensitised to violence I would say it's the opposite as he is a really sensitive caring gentle young man but hey who am I have a look at some of the other pov before you pack your bags I mean is he a good father and partner usually?
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