To not take part in the 'Surprise' for my co-workers wedding?

(45 Posts)

​here is a guy from my group at work ​getting married next month. We had a 'secret' meeting this week to discuss what to get for the happy couple and what to do for him. Normally we'd have a small apero at work, drinks cake etc and present the gift.
However, they (my group) decided this morning that we should surprise them by showing up on the wedding morning to wish them well. The plan is to meet up behind the cathedral and then pop out with a 'Surprise!". One of the guys from my group rang the registry this morning to find out time of the wedding; at first they were reluctant to tell him 'due to bad experiences in the past" ... but they did eventually give him the time. ​

I think that this is a terrible idea! I really would not like it if a crowd of people from work decided to show up at my wedding! But everyone else seems to think that it is perfectly normal. And I also don't particularly want to take a morning off work (I would allowed to, but would need to make up the hours at a later time).​ I'm not living in the UK, this is in Continental Europe, the guy getting married is from Eastern Europe, most of the group are French, German, Swiss and Italian. Nobody knows anything about the Bride to Be. I think I'm going to opt out of going. I just think the whole idea is a bit mad.

Hmm... not sure that they do plan on yelling out "Surprise".
I think I'll leave them to it, opt out and wish him well before he leaves.
They are all lovely, so am sure they will do whatever is appropriate for here.

I was just really taken aback at the idea - in utter disbelief really. I have NEVER heard of this being done (well, not by people whos' intentions are good anyway). Perhaps I've lived a sheltered life hmm

Ulysses Tue 23-Jul-13 15:26:22

I had a couple of the women from DH's office turn up at our small registry office wedding uninvited. I didn't mind at all and it is a fairly regular occurrence for other weddings I've been too. Again, I'm in Scotland. If you yourself don't know the guy that well then I'd back out. As for the colleagues, they'd be better standing and wishing the bride and groom well from a distance.

Shouting 'Surprise!'would go against etiquette, but turning up quietly not so much,

MissStrawberry Tue 23-Jul-13 15:22:43

Terrible terrible idea! shock

I know a Church is a public place and anyone can go but this really is not a good idea.

You don't have to go along with it, of course.

GladbagsGold Tue 23-Jul-13 15:18:36

ROFL at flashmob! I hear Thriller Zombie Flashmobs very popular at weddings these days...

GladbagsGold Tue 23-Jul-13 15:18:02

Maybe you could ask the groom if people will be going along to watch them go into the cathedral/wish them well. No need to tell him about the Surprise but at least from his response you'll have a better idea of what he thinks about it.

Salmotrutta Tue 23-Jul-13 15:11:48

It's a bit different nipping along to watch outside the church (or nip up into the gallery) - jumping out and shouting "Surprise" is a whole different thing!

Perhaps they could organise a Flashmob while they're at it hmm

OOAOML Tue 23-Jul-13 15:06:35

I'm Scottish and we had
people from the village come to the church which I thought was really nice BUT they didn't make a show of themselves wink I think they went up to the church gallery. Fairly standard for where I'm from.

Viviennemary Tue 23-Jul-13 15:04:07

Well it seems to be the tradition there. And when tradition applies common sense flies out the window. Don't take partif you don't want to. Make an excuse but don't bother giving them a lecture on what a mad idea it is. No point.

justmyview Tue 23-Jul-13 15:03:40

In Scotland, it's not unheard of to turn up at the church to wish people well.

When we got married (tiny wedding, only 10 of us), I was delighted to come out and see two of my colleagues outside the church. They wished us well and then carried on with their shopping, but I was really touched that they cared enough to come and see us

PasswordProtected Tue 23-Jul-13 14:57:54

As someone pointed out up thread, this is quite normal practice in Europe and can be good fun. However, if you are uncomfortable with the idea, there shouldn't be a problem with "abstaining".

SarahAndFuck Tue 23-Jul-13 14:19:28

It would be really strange I think.

They'd probably panic about having to invite you along to the reception since you'd turned up anyway, or worry that you were all going to follow on regardless and expect to be wined and dined.

cuillereasoupe Tue 23-Jul-13 14:15:32

PS love your name OP

cuillereasoupe Tue 23-Jul-13 14:15:07

It is a tradition in europe

Not in the various bits of Europe I've ever lived in it's not!

Well, he might not hate us now ... but I suspect we would not be on his favorites list if we ambush his wedding ...

Mumbledore Tue 23-Jul-13 14:08:24

Terrible idea. My boss who I HATE came to mine and it still upsets me that she was there. No invitation means don't come as far as I'm concerned! (He probably doesn't hate any of you by the way, just making a point!)

arabesque Tue 23-Jul-13 14:02:31

Awful idea. I could imagine that someone very close to you living abroad, who you thought couldn't make the wedding, turning up on the day would be a lovely surprise. But a group of colleagues??? Absolutely not. Fair enough if it's a Church wedding and a few colleagues slip into the back to see the bride. But jumping around shouting 'surprise' is kind of overestimating your importance in the groom's life.

pigletmania Tue 23-Jul-13 13:59:20

Yanbu at all what a crap idea hmm

SisterMonicaJoan Tue 23-Jul-13 13:53:58

CRINGE!

Oblomov Tue 23-Jul-13 13:50:12

You are right to not be involved. Frightening.

Am glad it's not just me that thinks its a rubbish idea. Sanity prevails!
I truly thought I had misunderstood when it was discussed this morning, but then there was an e-mail sent to 'confirm' the plan with the date, time and a map to show where abouts behind the cathedral to meet. I am cringing at the thought, everyone else dressed for a wedding and us popping out in our work clothes, SURPRISE! We have ruined your wedding!
I don't know the guy who's getting married very well; I think I'll say to the person who was running the meeting and sent the e-mail to maybe reconsider the plan, or at least investigate a little more on how it might be received. But regardless of outcome, I think I am opting OUT!
I think it's beyond unreasonable .... verging on completely insane.

SlightlyItchyBraStrap Tue 23-Jul-13 13:38:38

Hilarious! I hope they're all wearing gorilla masks. Please please please tell him in advance so he can have his response planned, or maybe hire a double to throw them off the track.

SmartiesMakeMeNaughty Tue 23-Jul-13 13:38:29

Also I think it's part of a bygone age when weddings were more traditional and for the family.

SmartiesMakeMeNaughty Tue 23-Jul-13 13:37:17

I think here in Scotland it used to be the case that it was normal for people who felt affection for the couple but were not invited to come and see the bride "going in."
However I don't really think it seems to be the case any more and would now be considered at best wrong headed and at worst barking and rather a passive aggressive gesture.

DontmindifIdo Tue 23-Jul-13 13:35:47

I'd point out that if he wanted you all there, you'd be invited. He will be dealing with his wedding guests, his actual friends and family.

Try to talk people out of it, keep stressing how embarrassing it will be and that they are making his wedding about them, not about him.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Tue 23-Jul-13 13:30:24

It's a bit making his day all about them.

I think you should tell him - if he doesn't mind he can practice his surprised look for it. If he does mind he can tell them all about his "friend" whose co-workers turned up uninvited and how awful it was.....

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