To be a bit miffed by what my best friend got DS for his Christening?

(113 Posts)
PaperandNuts Tue 23-Jul-13 12:36:53

She gave him 2 x £1 toys from Poundland.

Now I know it's not about the money, it's the thought that counts - but that's the problem, there doesnt appear to have been any thought!
The toys are cheap tack and one is definitely more a girls toy.
It just seems she has gone for the cheapest, easy option, not thought about what DS might actual want/need/like, they weren't even wrapped and there was no card.
And just for the record, she could afford to spend more on him if she wanted - she is in a very good full time permanent job, pays very little rent on her own pad, owns a house which she rents out, and has no other responsibilities (no partner, children, pets, car, etc.).
She could have also put more time / thought into his gifts - I would rather her have made him something which would have been more personal or quite frankly not even bothered as what she did give just seems a bit pointless / pathetic (sorry, I know I sound ungrateful but I just know she could - and maybe should - have tried a bit harder as she knows it means a lot to me).

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not materialistic or a snob (there is nothing wrong with Poundland - I shop there myself occassionally and that's how I know the gifts were from there!!). I'm by no means loaded either, I do like a bargain, am sensible when it comes to money, come from a working class background etc etc. but this has just upset me a little.

She has been my best friend for years and I have helped her out in many ways in the past including financially (I have lent her money when she really needed it), practically (ie. when she moved house), emotionally (when her relationship broke down), etc etc. - all of which I of course don't mind doing, that's what friends are for.

I just feel a bit miffed about this, plus she didnt even come to the Christening in the end saying she had family stuff to do instead (even though the date had been in her diary for weeks).

AIBU?

chubbychipmonk Tue 23-Jul-13 13:00:07

Happy horse. . Boys baby toys tend to be blue.
Girls baby toys tend to be pink.

Maybe someone should contact the Mayor of London & tell them how shocking it was to have the Tower of London lit up in blue to mark the Royal birth of a boy!!

ICBINEG Tue 23-Jul-13 13:00:40

but I REALLY REALLY need to know what the 'more of a girls toy' is?!?!

Please tell me OP! I need to know what a male baby shouldn't be allowed to play with!

missesjellybean Tue 23-Jul-13 13:03:20

I see where youre coming from. one of my favorite cards ever was done on a4 lined paper folded in half with a crappy
joke and picture drawn on it in biro pen (and no it wasn't drawn by a child it was by a family member who had just lost his job and had no money to get me a birthday card) it was so hideous I laughed every time I saw it an proudly displayed it on my mantle piece for days. I was so much happier with that than I would have been with a pound shop gift tbh even if the card cost nothing to make as it showed me the person who did it really had wanted to celebrate my birthday. so I know where you're coming from op...or at least I think you do smile I'd be upset if a friend I'd had for years didn't show much interest in ny child's special day and bought them a thoughtless gift...I'd much rather she had either made a card for free or didn't get anything...I'll probably be flamed for saying thst though

RoooneyMara Tue 23-Jul-13 13:03:55

Does she have children yet?

If not then she won't necessarily understand.

Fwiw I completely get that you aren't over the moon about presents from Laaand of Paaand.

I wouldn't be either.

I play the game with christenings (certainly better than her) but they annoy the fuck out of me.

I love, love, love getting newborn gifts and birthday presents for my friends children and have to reign myself in.

Christenings are a bit much really to an atheist like myself.

IS the girls toy a fairy wand?

squoosh Tue 23-Jul-13 13:06:14

YANBU she's your best friend for God's sake.

It all sounds quite passive aggressive to me. Not only was she 'too busy' for the christening but she also found the cheapest gift possible as in a 'I'm fulfilling my friendship obligation but also getting a dig in at the same time'.

Was she miffed at not being chosen to be a Godparent?

CitrusSunshine Tue 23-Jul-13 13:07:22

Great post mrsKeithRichards

OP I don't think you deserve the negative comments. I too would be a bit miffed with this gift. I don't think you are being grabby. It's not just a question of cost but the complete lack of thought.

I think the reason you made no mention of the service or godparents is because they are totally irrelevant to this particular question.

I would actually have felt happier if the friend had bought no present at all - especially in view of the fact that she could not come to the christening in the end anyway - than something which is just a bit naff and thoughtless.

CitrusSunshine Tue 23-Jul-13 13:10:10

*Your baby's christening.
Why was ANYONE invited?*

Do some people have christenings and not invite any guests? Have never heard of this before.

maja00 Tue 23-Jul-13 13:11:23

Not everyone wants to go to religious ceremonies.

Are gifts expected at christenings? Other than a little prayer book or crucifix from godparents, I didn't realise presents were expected.

squoosh Tue 23-Jul-13 13:11:44

What's wrong with inviting close friends to your child's christening? hmm

Smartiepants79 Tue 23-Jul-13 13:11:54

I don't think you are being unreasonable.
I was quite hurt by the gift given to my PFB on her christening from a long term, close friend.
I'd spent nearly £50 pounds on a christening gift for her PFB! (More fool me maybe!)
It really wasn't about the money.
There had been absolutely no thought/effort put into buying it.
Oh and I am currently inviting nearly 60 people to MY second DD's christening. We attend church at least once a month. It is a celebration of my lovely girl coming into the world.
Her family and friends can't wait to be there!

pianodoodle Tue 23-Jul-13 13:17:43

What's the etiquette with Christenings and invites?

I've only ever been to my own and we're not religious so haven't had one for DD.

Is it that it's just for family so no invites required or do people actually send formal invites?

sleeplessbunny Tue 23-Jul-13 13:17:53

A christening is a religious ceremony to welcome your DS to the church. It is not about gifts, although i realise it has become customary. Personally I think YABU to expect a gift at all, especially from someone was wasn't attending. If I were you I would be more upset that the friend hadn't attended, unless I knew the reason (e.g. different religious beliefs, prior engagement).

It does sound like no thought went into the gift, the friend probably shouldn't have bothered IMO. But your OP does come across as rather entitled and makes me feel uncomfortable.

squoosh Tue 23-Jul-13 13:19:17

She doesn't sound entitled, she apologises throughout, she sounds hurt.

MammaTJ Tue 23-Jul-13 13:20:26

Oh my goodness. I started a thread on here a couple of months back about going to the most emotional Christening ever. I didn't realise that instead of being happy for the parents that they finally had a much wanted child and celebrating her Christening with family and friends that I should have been offended that they shock horror invited people.

I bought the girl a silver bracelet, something she will hopefully enjoy when older.

I would never have dreamt of buying two toys from poundland.

Was she expecting to be Godmother and offended by that? Is she throwing a strop because she wasn't asked.

Officershitty Tue 23-Jul-13 13:21:07

Your baby's christening. Why was ANYONE invited?
Errm. Excuse me for being an ignoramus, but is it not the done thing to invite people to a christening?
If so, I'm afraid, OP, that I too have committed a terrible faux pas in the last few years...

Hulababy Tue 23-Jul-13 13:21:18

If I went to a christening then yes I would take a card and a decent gift.

When DD was christened I did not expect gifts (I was taught never to expect) but everyone who came did give DD a gift and a card. IME this is the norm. We also had a large party, the event was DD's christening and a party to officially welcome her, rolled into one. Probably a MN crime I am sure - most things are! But it was a lovely occasion.

I wonder if your friend was miffed at not being a godparent perhaps?

SoupDragon Tue 23-Jul-13 13:22:40

I'm not materialistic or a snob

Well, you OP seems to do a good job of making you appear to be both these things I'm afraid.

CitrusSunshine Tue 23-Jul-13 13:26:02

I actually don't think it is particularly materialistic or snobbish or unreasonable to expect someone who is a good and longstanding friend to either not buy a present at all, or to buy a christening present that is just slightly more thoughtful or meaningful that two toys from Poundland.

AGnu Tue 23-Jul-13 13:26:44

Nothing helpful to add but this thread reminds me of this voicemail which makes me laugh every time I hear it! grin

VenusSurprising Tue 23-Jul-13 13:27:31

Your friend hates that you have a baby.
She bought shit presents because she cannot think about you having a baby and she hasn't got one.
She didn't come to the christening in the end as she just couldn't see you with a baby and she hasn't got one.

That's all.

She'll either a) come round to the idea that you have a baby and she has not, and be part of your life, or b) she'll never be friends with you again until she has her own baby and then she'll bore your stupid with her homespun advice about how brilliant she is and how you're doing everything wrong (and have been for years).

defineme Tue 23-Jul-13 13:28:23

I don't know-are you really upset about it because of the present?
If this was a friend of mine who was lovely, kind, interested in me and my family then I wouldn't give it a second thought.
However, is it that she seems distant/withdrawn/uncaring/uninterested in you and your family in general and this is just indicative of that?
Friendships do change when babies come along.
Do you want to keep your friend? Does she feel pushed out or has she got her own issues going on at the moment?

VenusSurprising Tue 23-Jul-13 13:28:28

bore you stupid

Jan49 Tue 23-Jul-13 13:28:51

Is it possible that she hasn't a clue what to buy for a child? Or she may have issues with wanting children herself and not want to go in a toyshop and she saw these things in passing in Poundland. Is she at an age where she might be worried about losing the chance to have dc?

How old is your son and what toy can be 'definitely more of girls' toy'?confused

I think if she's normally a good friend then you should just forget about the present.

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