To want to be alone, for just a few damn minutes...

[YankNCock]

....when having a poo?

That is, without a certain nearly 4yo boy opening the door every 5 seconds to ask:

'Are you just having a poo?'

'Are you finished?'

'Are you finished now?'

'Now are you finished?'

'You just need to lock the door.' (At this point he locks the door for me, shuts it, then violently jiggles the handle until it pops back open. That would be why I hadn't bothered to lock it.)

'Are you finished now?'

'Do you need to wipe your bottom?'

'Do you need to wipe your bottom now?'

And the final insult....

'Do you just need to wipe your own bottom because Daddy's not here?'

(I have never needed Daddy to wipe my bottom. Hold my hair back when I puke, yes, but wipe my bum, no.)

[Mouthfulofquiz]

Hahahahaha! That just made me chuckle!!
I have all this to come.....

[quesadilla]

YANBU. My 2.5 year old is the same.

She has a knack of barging in on DH when he is laying one of his mammoth, ocean going logs (and when the smell in the loo is Biblical) and trying to hug him.

I can't remember the last time I had an uninterrupted poo when she is awake.

Someone give me hope and tell me they grow out of this?

[Xihha]

lol, is he saying all this loud enough for the neighbours/anyone walking past your house to hear? I do miss the days of having a poo in peace!

[YankNCock]

At least with the DS2 (11mo), I can shut the door and he can't open it. DS1 also has form for coming in to say 'I want a cuddle!' and flinging himself on me mid-wee.

So if my children are 3 years apart in age, and DS1 is still doing this at nearly age 4, I reckon I've got at least 3 more years of having an audience for most visits to the toilet.



Thankfully the toilet window is upstairs at the back, so it's only one set of neighbours to hear, and they're normally so loud they'd never hear anything above their own voices!

[absentmindeddooooodles]

Same over here too! Ds 2.4 is obsessed.
''
Mummy poooooooooo????

Yes ds now go play

Ds poooooooo??

Its OK you have a nappy on

D's sit on loo???

Gets off toilet puts ds on

Ds no need poooooo mummy. Off OFF!!

OK so leave mummy for a min.

But D's need pooooooo NOW MUMMY!!

I chose to ignore this today and he did the most enormous poo in the shower.

Happy days

[karinmaria]

Reading this thread and sniggering (sorry!). Have all this to come as my DS is only 4 months...

[eccentrica]

yup same here with my 2.10 yr old. she likes to give me hugs and cups of 'tea' while I'm having a dump.

she's also just got out of bed and joined me on the sofa...

[YankNCock]

Older one keeps getting out of bed, talking loudly to himself, and stomping around, waking up the baby. I could cheerfully sell him to a travelling circus for a quid.

Giant thud from upstairs, what the hell is he doing?!

[LittleprincessinGOLDrocks]

I have forgotten what it is like to go to the toilet without an audience. I think it was 6 years ago...

[BiscuitDunker]

I'd love to have a wee,a poo and a bath in peace! Dd (almost 4) loves to keep me company when on the toilet,usually by either sitting on the floor at my feet staring at me,trying to put her hand down the toilet while I'm sitting there,pulling off loo roll for me or actually climbing up and sitting on my lap shouting "poooooeeeyyyy!"! As for baths,well she likes to just strip off and climb in with me and help wash me by pouring water over my boobs or attempting to drown me as a way of "helping" me wash my hair...

[EBearhug]

And just as they grow up and stop interrupting you on the loo, your mother will gain the uncanny knack of phoning just as you've got there... (It was either there, or as I approached the till at Tesco.)

[McNewPants2013]

DS is 7 and still doing this.

[servingwench]

My dd is 8.5 and the other is 6..I still have to tell them to go away when I am on the bloody loo

[FriskyHenderson]

Well done mummy!
Is any of it in your pants, mummy? (This is usually accompanied by a grab of said pants)
Have you got any more in there? Do they want to come and play in the sea too?
I'm going to wipe your bum, mummy. You are big so you have a big bum. Isn't your bum big, mummy?

[BabsAndTheRu]

Heavily pregnant with DS2, caught a really horrible gastric bug. Sat on the toilet being sick into a basin with DS1 playing his toy keyboard beside me to cheer me up.

[YankNCock]

8.5 yo? If younger one did the same, that would be 7.5 more years of this!

Frisky, I often get:

'Is it a BIIIIIIIIIG POO?'

'Is your bum stinky? STINKY BUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!'

'Do you just need some more toilet roll?' (proceeds to grab the roll and unwind half of it, just out of my reach)

[Belchica]

DS is 10 mths. Plonked him on the bathroom floor today and got on with doing a poo. Let out a wee fart in the process and he stopped what he was doing and gave me a look of utter DISGUST! Then stared me out until I was done. Totally disgusted with me. The shame. Can't wait til he can talk....

[ModreB]

Ds's are 23yo, 21yo and 14yo. They still stand outside the loo asking me "are you going in there Mum? are you going in there? How long will you be?"

[HeffalumpTheFlump]

First time mum to be here, please forgive my ignorance. Is any of this optional? Is there any possible way of ensuring your child's safety without having to have an audience whilst you poo? This sounds bloody awful!! I might feel different once my dc is here, but the idea of being watched while having a poo is terrible. I once had to stop mid poo because the cat had managed to get in to the bathroom, how will i cope with this?!

[MixedClassBaby]

Dd1 aged 2 tries to flush the loo when I'm on it and DD2 aged 1 tries to shove her teddy in the pan. DD1 also listens intently to all plopping sounds and announces my achievements when I'm done. "Ooh one big one, two tiny ones and a wee, mummy".

[Doingakatereddy]

I poo at 5am, only peace I get all bastard day.

heffalump, no it's not optional - along with never eating a full slice of cake by yourself, wearing a clean matching outfit for over 2 hours or listening to PM without the whine of cshittingbeebies.

[LittleprincessinGOLDrocks]

It may be possible... it depends on your feelings towards gaffa tape and cages for babies heffalump

[HeffalumpTheFlump]

I'm ok with gaffa tape, but on the fence re cages.

[Sparry]

The upside is that you can train them. When your DP comes home and tries to disappear upstairs with the paper and a portable radio playing cricket the LO can follow them to the bathroom. Its good to have them standing outside the door repeatedly tapping and shouting "Daddy - are you having one of your Annoyingly Long Poos?"

[wanderings]

Didn't someone on MN once use the phrase "I have trained my DC's that when mummy is on the throne..." that phrase made me smile!

On the website "I used to believe..." there are all sorts of threads about people believing in bogeymen and toilets, probably used as threats by parents wanting a bit of peace!

How about an all-year-round Elf on the Shelf to patrol the bathroom, who sees if the kids disturb mummy, and reports back to Santa, or the bogeyman?