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£425 for 25 hours care...how am i meant to get back to full time work?

(40 Posts)
Shellywelly1973 Mon 22-Jul-13 17:15:04

Ds has ASD & ADHD. When he was excluded from school in Yr1 i had to resign from my job. I earned more then dp but he admitted he couldn't cope with Ds.

Ds was out of school for 14 months. He did spend 1 month in a PRU, he attended for 3 hours aday.

He eventually started school full time 15 months ago. He attends an independent ASD special school. He gets 4 extra weeks holidays in comparison to my other 2 dc.

I've spent weeks trying to get some care for him in the summer holidays, which are 8 weeks long. 1 playscheme has called me back. The cost is £425 per week 10am - 3 pm, works out at £17 per hour. The playscheme only runs for 3 weeks in total. So £1275 for 3 weeks care. Ds recieves 6 hours week restpite from social services so no further help is available to us.

I've been self employed since Ds was excluded. I hate it. Im lonely, don't leave the house all day, can go days without seeing anyone. I don't earn great money. Im desperate to go back to work but how?

Child care is possible for my other dc. I attend so many meetings every term at Ds school full. SALT, O.T, his councillor, his class teacher& his IEP. meetings as well as his annual review. He also goes to Camhs every month.

How do other parents of SN children do it? Ds is 8. Its getting worse not better. I dont have family that can help so really upto me to deal with it all. Dp dosnt 'get it'. I know it sounds awful but i want some sort of life again...aibu?

Lucielou123 Mon 22-Jul-13 17:23:54

Really sorry to hear things are so tough for you. The holidays can be particularly hard. I'm hoping this isn't as controversial as I fear it may be but did you know that there are benefits that you may be entitled to if your child has specialist need. I'm not sure on eligibility etc but you could look into it. I have a friend whose son has behavioural issues and she is paid a carers allowance to support this. It may not help in getting you back to work but could help with child are.

drinkyourmilk Mon 22-Jul-13 17:24:21

Hire a daytime babysitter or nanny? Then all 3 get looked after at home.
I'm a sen nanny and have done this between jobs. Took a much lower rate so long as they guaranteed the whole holiday for work. I charged £5 per hour. Had 3 children, one with profound sen, one mainstream, one on the spectrum. I did insist they employed me above board though.

Shellywelly1973 Mon 22-Jul-13 17:35:49

Thanks. I earn too much to be entitled to carers allowance, which is only about £60 a week.

Will look into the nanny thing but i would be surprised if anyone would look after the 3 of them for a five an hour! The three of them together are tough going, just due to age& different interests.

I just end up frustrated & bit tired. The thought of getting out every day & meeting other people is so blissful, i dont even care what job i do anymore.

Dp's slacking infuriates me at times like this but normally i just get on with it.

LastTangoInDevonshire Mon 22-Jul-13 17:40:29

Shelly - I didn't 'do' it.

I am afraid to say I gave in to the system and gave up my career and stayed at home. I couldn't afford care, like you. I was on Income Support with the derisory Carers Allowance and I scrimped and scraped and did the best I could.

At 8 my son went to a Special Needs School, but I still couldn't get a job as I had to collect him every Friday after lunch, and take him back every Monday before lunch. A 150 mile round trip twice a week.

My DP didn't get it either and he left when my son was 4. Never paid a penny maintenance either.

JsOtherHalf Mon 22-Jul-13 17:44:19

Whilst social services possibly won't help, you may find another area of the council have to support you. I know of a council who will pay 1:1 additional staffing for a normal scheme.If there was a mainstream summer scheme you could pay for a place for all 3, then the council would fund a personal assistant/agency worker for the child with a disability.

Are you in England/Scotland/Wales?

Shellywelly1973 Mon 22-Jul-13 17:47:52

Sad but very familiar story. Other parents say exactly the same. Its so depressing. I know why so many SN children are from single parent families...

I really struggled when i first left work. Im generally better about things now but the holidays are so difficult.

I keep thinking i just need to think of a way round the difficulties & not give in.

Shellywelly1973 Mon 22-Jul-13 17:50:18

Im in London. I've not heard or come across any scheme that would fund a 1-1 in a care setting...

LastTangoInDevonshire Mon 22-Jul-13 18:00:34

Js - a lot of children with ASD would not entertain going to a summer scheme. They wouldn't know the staff nor a lot of the children.

It would have been totally impossible for my autistic son to have gone to such a scheme. It was hard enough getting him to school 5 days a week - and he knew everybody there!

JsOtherHalf Mon 22-Jul-13 18:07:03

Does your authority have a family information service?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Mon 22-Jul-13 18:10:02

It's probably too late for this year but there maybe help available from here.

I am staggered at how much the playscheme costs, I used to be involved with a local scheme for children with autism and for those with complex medical needs (two different schemes run by the same charity) and our families were charged £10 a day. I know we struggled to get funding though as we were told we needed to open the doors to NT children and that just wouldn't work.

GobbySadcase Mon 22-Jul-13 18:10:13

I didn't do it either. I had to give up work.

So now I'm scum.

Shellywelly1973 Mon 22-Jul-13 18:11:28

Yes. Most not very good for SN/AS information.

I dont know if my Ds will cope in a playscheme. Hes not been in one since he was 5 & that only worked as the amazing lady who ran it, kept him with her all day. Sadly that playscheme was closed down.

stargirl1701 Mon 22-Jul-13 18:16:37

Are there any local ASD charities? I worked as a minibus driver for a summer when I was teaching student. I picked up and dropped off approx 8 children with ASD. The local charity here is Open Minds in Perthshire.

What about a befriender? I did this too as a teaching student. I worked with a wee lad once a week - a full day in the holidays and one evening in term time.

Teaching students may be a good resource to tap into. They are looking to improve their CVs and may already be CRB checked. There must be online boards/forums for the your local universities you could advertise on. Maybe you could also try the TES forum?

What about ECPs/CAs/TAs/SLAs? Many of the support staff at most of the schools I have worked in are happy to work in the holidays - particularly the summer - as they are often unpaid. They often have a wealth of experience in terms of children with ASN (that the teaching students don't have).

These relationships obviously have to built with children on the spectrum, and my suggestions are unlikely to work for this summer, but maybe next hols?

MissMummy1 Mon 22-Jul-13 18:22:58

Have a google at ABA tutors

ClaraOswald Mon 22-Jul-13 18:28:36

Shelley, are you claiming DLA for him?

hardboiledpossum Mon 22-Jul-13 19:13:25

Where in London are you? Mencap are running play schemes in London and also disabled Children's services short break teams often offer these. I work in this area.

hardboiledpossum Mon 22-Jul-13 19:22:53

Does he have a care plan with social services?

ihearsounds Mon 22-Jul-13 19:27:28

Different boroughs have different support systems in place. A lot of boroughs have after school clubs for asd that also run during the holidays. Because they understand the effects with change etc, its the same staff that run both. Even if your borough don't run anything, other boroughs take on people.

Shellywelly1973 Mon 22-Jul-13 19:31:35

The playscheme for £425 is a local charity. I put Ds name on the waiting lists for all the local charities.

We claim DLA for him. High rate care. Low rate mobility. Its really sad but to be honest hes only been out of the house once since last Tuesday when he finished school. He dosnt like going out. He knows he's different. Hes very able in some respects but socially & emotionally very delayed. When Ds gets scared or stressed he gets physical. Hes restrained almost daily at school. There are members of staff who refuse to work with Ds.

Generally what i do is keep the other 2 dc occupied. We do certin activities all together. But not many things anymore. I end up exhausted as i never get a break from all 3 except when they are at school.

I will look up some more stuff tonight. Thanks for the suggestions.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 22-Jul-13 19:32:53

Tax credits will still pay for up to 70% towards childcare for a child that age if they are in receipt of DLA, they won't tell you this when you phone and ask but they do until there 17th birthday children who don't receive DLA have there childcare disallowed by TC at a much younger age think its 12.

Or the other option is finding out if your area offer the local offer short break payment scheme as your child is in a special needs school he qualifies and it would pay a huge contribution towards a barnardos (or who ever else runs them in your area) run holiday scheme and you get 90 hours a year and only have to pay a little towards it, this year your to late to get the full 90 hours but you may be eligible for £200 and its none means tested but you will get the full ammount next year (£600 or the 90 hours).

hardboiledpossum Mon 22-Jul-13 19:35:47

I didn't read your OP properly.but now see you get 6 hours respite per week only.

Snap childcare specialise in nannies for children with disabilities. They are quite expensive though. could you ask any if the workers who give you respite if they would do holiday care for you?

Whereisegg Mon 22-Jul-13 20:26:48

I have no experience with sn but you seem to have lots of advice for next years summer holidays, so would it be possible to employ someone to keep your business going over this holiday?

That surely would be cheaper than the only care options available for this year, mean that your business continues, and gives valuable experience to someone?

Sorry if this is a totally shit idea.

Tittytats Mon 22-Jul-13 21:32:43

I have an ofsted registered nanny so my tax credits cover a lot of it. I'm by no means well off but it actually works out ok.

MrsDeVere Mon 22-Jul-13 21:46:56

The SN play schemes are expensive because they expect everyone to pay out of Direct Payments.
Only not everyone gets direct payments.

I feel for you OP. I wish I knew how to help. Its all so bloody complicated and just when you get something sorted it changes.

Me and OH work part time so we can juggle. But even then its tough because OH is disabled and finds it hard to cope with DS now he is so challenging.

In our borough you can't get a sw unless they deem your child to be at risk.

everyone else is stepped down to Early Intervention and Prevention teams.

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