AIBU to imagine the comparisons between Kate's labour experience and my own? (Lighthearted)

(75 Posts)
BonaDrag Mon 22-Jul-13 14:20:48

I was taken to the hospital in my DP's white van, my room in delivery had a cardboard window and blood on the wall..

Oh how the other half live...

FeckOffCup Mon 22-Jul-13 14:52:14

Count yourself lucky you had a window at all OP, my delivery room was windowless and the toilet was miles away down the corridor wink. Although maybe the windowless thing isn't a bad thing as they've opened a shiny new maternity section since it was my turn and the patients are all complaining it stinks if fag smoke as the hospital bus stop is right below and people light up while waiting for their bus.

Backpaw Mon 22-Jul-13 15:09:10

I suspect they will actually believe her when she says she is in labour, then crowning.

The loo won't be covered in blood and poo (it wasn't mine).

It will have air con (they didn't have it when I was there - about this time of year and almost as hot).

She won't be bothered by the howling/ screaming woman at the other end of the corridor ("and she's nowhere near as along as you!").

Bothered by bastards on the ward bringing millions of over excited kids (who weren't allowed on the ward then) or flocks of visitors (only 2 my arse) who would burst through your curtains the minute you whip your boob out to borrow a chair.

Phineyj Mon 22-Jul-13 15:11:59

I think it's likely she won't have a visit from the Bounty rep grin. Also she probably won't have to stagger to the other side of the ward to get a bowl of cornflakes in the morning.

Mandy2003 Mon 22-Jul-13 15:13:18

That's an extreme way of getting attention to borrow a chair Backpaw! Sorry, I do know what you mean.

I bet Kate does not get moved from the antenatal to the delivery room in such a disorganised way as to have her bag with all her carefully planned "in labour" stuff left behind on the ward and no-one to get it.

EeTraceyluv Mon 22-Jul-13 15:13:43

She'll be brought a cup of coffee in the morning sad
It was all I wanted with dd3 - long, late labour on Xmas eve and still attached to drip next morning. Just a Cup Of Coffee <sigh>

BonaDrag Mon 22-Jul-13 15:15:11

Do you think the breast feeding counsellor will pop in to see Kate armed with a creepy doll?

Or a Bounty rep poking the pfb's face?

Pawprint Mon 22-Jul-13 15:16:35

I think she should have gone to an NHS hospital wink

I can't fault the staff at the hospital I had ds in. The other patients (and the hoards of visitors to their "only two visitors at one time" bedsides.

The loos were in a deplorable condition and there were bloodstains on the curtain around my bed.

It was the middle of a very hot summer and one selfish lady had taken the only fan in the ward, put it next to her bed and closed the curtain around her bed.

Awful. Had to stay there 10 days as ds was in SCBU and it was a relief to leave.

I bet she won't have to stumble to the kitchen herself the next morning to get her own breakfast.

I bet she won't have to have William help her out of the warm bath she's having before going down to the delivery ward, and I bet he won't have to catch her show in his hand as it slither down her leg and wonder what he should do with it!

eccentrica Mon 22-Jul-13 15:18:52

I went to a lovely NHS birth centre and didn't have any of that to contend with either. No Bounty reps, no blood, no visitors, private room and bathroom.

They even brought us a Sunday roast the next day - I couldn't eat anything but my DP was chuffed as he had two!

16 weeks pregnant now with DC2 and just hoping this one goes as smoothly... due on New Year's Day though so god knows hmm

And I bet she won't have to wait so long for a couple of lousy paracetamol that she rings her mate to bring her in some nurofen pronto.

EvieanneVolvic Mon 22-Jul-13 15:20:20

All of the above....but at the end of it I had my own two precious babies (now in their 30s!) and no royal baby could possibly measure up to them or to the grandchildren they have since produced!

<Fingers down the throat emoticon>

TallulahBetty Mon 22-Jul-13 15:20:35

Wills and Carole won't be sent home as "she's not in labour yet" and only having "tightenings not contractions".

She won't be inspected later to discover of yes she IS in labour, quick let's get her to delivery asap and call Wills.

Wills won't miss the birth because of above. <bitter>

TallulahBetty Mon 22-Jul-13 15:21:09

Oh and Kate won't be harassed by any Bounty women angry envy

MrsWinklepicker Mon 22-Jul-13 15:21:51

Maybe she'll have a water birth and Wills will be given a poo catching net...

LookMaw Mon 22-Jul-13 15:21:52

I bet she won't have to spend 5 days in a ward opposite wanker mum, who wailed every time a midwife dare try to pay attention to anyone other than her. Afterall, she had decided to have kids at the right age and shouldn't have to put up with that young girls baby crying all night

Heh. I had more grey than her and her 10's of daily visitors combined.

giddywithglee Mon 22-Jul-13 15:22:16

I bet she wasn't sent away when she turned up in 'early labour' because she wasn't at least 4cm dilated yet. Then after labouring at home for 3 hours on 2 paracetamol only make it back to the hospital with 45 mins to spare before the baby appears while the midwife wasn't even in the room!

noisytoys Mon 22-Jul-13 15:22:32

She won't have to be told its not really labour and have to catch the once an hour bus to rural Cornwall, only for it to be labour and have to get the bus back (SIL)

BonaDrag Mon 22-Jul-13 15:22:40

I'm imagining Kate gingerly stepping around an overflowing bin of maternity pads as she hovers over a blood stained toilet bowl..

jennycoast Mon 22-Jul-13 15:23:57

Ah but neither will she be able to quietly get on with it with no pressure, then snuggle up in her own bed, after a shower in her own bathroom, and only get round to telling anyone the next day...

BonaDrag Mon 22-Jul-13 15:25:01

No pressure on her Jenny, Clarence House has a team of staff to field media queries.

pinkbear82 Mon 22-Jul-13 15:25:34

Bet her man with the epidural wont be 'training' the nurses as he's putting in the needle and then when he does the ice cube test and it could still be felt bugger off and not return. No, no it's fine, who wanted an epidural that works anyways. I just hope the nurses ignored the training!

TheSlug Mon 22-Jul-13 15:28:20

eccentrica I am due the same day as you smile

OhDearNigel Mon 22-Jul-13 15:31:22

She won't be allowed to stay at home as long as she likes, tell her DH to fuck off and go back to sleep while she runs 10 baths in the space of 5 hours, go to hospital and pop baby out in 15 minutes then be back home for lunchtime. She won't get to enjoy a chinese takeaway lying on her living room floor on the night she gave birth. She won't get to walk her baby down the seafront the next day, have tea in a cafe and then push the baby in to work in her pram when she was 3 days old. She won't be able to do anything because wherever she does someone will be trying to get a picture of her. She won't get the husband of another woman accidentally coming into the room where she is having a post birth bath (I actually didn't care and said "hello !") In fact, I doubt she was allowed to have much say in the birth at all. I expect it was all dictated for her sad

She may have The Country's Top Gynaes at her beck and call but I'll take my birth over hers any day.

urmydarlings Mon 22-Jul-13 15:32:00

of course kate won't have to put up with any of the above! Shes a v.i.p! she'll be treated like a princess , all bills paid by the mere mortal taxpayers who have their dc on nhs wards with only two midwives to go around. Ah to be royalty! wink

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