to let dd cry while I shower?(123 Posts)
90% of the time I manage to get up and showered before 14 month old dd wakes but sometimes (like today) she wakes uncharacteristically early. She hates me showering and despite putting toys out etc, taking her in bathroom so she can see me she screams the entire time. Dp sometimes works away so him taking her isn't an option. She isn't interested in tv and to be honest I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her unsupervised even if she was. AIBU to just get it over and done with? Obviously I have to wash but am open to suggestions of what you do with your similar aged children? Have tried bathing with her but she wants me to hold her the entire time and she only naps when out walking.
I never let much dd cry at night, however I would to have a shower during the day.
If your dd is in the bathroom she can see you, so she knows you are there. I would just have a very quick shower and wrap myself in a robe then hold her for a bit. I'd then get dressed after that, so you're splitting the time up iykwim.
How old are your other children? Can they pull silly faces or make her laugh for a few minutes? Or sing head shoulders knees and toes, something like that while she is somewhere safe?
If not, I really don't think it will do her any harm to cry for a few minutes. You need a short time to shower and dress, it's horrible to feel dirty and that your hair is greasy.
My second DD used to drop off as soon as I used the hairdryer. Could you lull her to sleep with something like that?
Another thought - is she frightened of the noise of the shower?
Maybe go in the bathroom with her and just switch the shower on, potter about with her, switch it off and carry on doing other stuff. She might get used to the noise then, and not associate the it with you leaving her.
What is it that upsets her? You being behind the glass/curtain in the shower? The noise? Not being held?
When you say it takes 10 minutes to get washed and showered, are you in the bathroom the whole time? I would be have a shower, 2 minutes max, wrap a towel round me and back to the bedroom if it is the bathroom that is making her anxious. You can take your time getting dressed then and if she needs a cuddle to calm down you can give her one but at least you will be clean, if a bit damp. Getting dressed isn't upsetting her is it?
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all to have a shower! You've taken your daughter into the bathroom with you, she can see you, presumably you can talk to her while you're showering & a shower doesn't take very long anyway. I have twins & so there were plenty of times when one might scream / demand attention when I was changing / washing / comforting the other one, & I was the only person in the house: they had to learn to wait a few minutes. It was just a fact of life - I'd talk to them / sing to them / reassure them while I was dealing with the other child. If it's the noise of the shower that upsets your daughter I'd try singing to her / playing music loudly from another room. But definitely go ahead & shower - a quick stand up wash doesn't really cut it in this weather.
I'm afraid I do that with DD - and she's now 2 but I've had to do it from very early on. I do shower very quick though now!
It's hard when they just want to be held in the morning. I have been known to do everything while trying to hold her - teeth/loo/dress etc. But sometimes you can't. When she was very little I just used to sing nursery rhymes very loudly so she could hear I was still there, now I play peepo around the shower curtain continuously.
And I'm a cosleeping, sling-using, still bfeeding type. Sometimes you just have to let them cry for those scant minutes. They know you haven't abandoned them if you keep talking so they can hear....
I'm sorry but I am quite shocked that anyone thinks that you shouldn't have a shower because your child cries! Some days if I didn't do something because my child was crying and wanted picking up I wouldn't dress, wash, eat, go to the toilet etc. Children have to learn that that they can't be picked up and attended to 100% of the time. If they are safe and are just crying because they want you (i.e not in pain or scared) then a few minutes of crying will not harm them.
Mums are people with needs too and it is totally unreasonable to think say that we can't attend our basic needs if our child cries.
I've a six week old & she usually likes sitting in her vibrating chair while the sound of the shower calms her. If I'm really lucky, leaving the shower on gives me time to dress! But if she gets upset, I just keep going. You need to take a minute sometimes. As my public health nurse says, what's good for mummy is good for baby.
The op isn't describing a few minutes on crying though, what she is describing is a child being distraught for over 10 minutes.
It is 1 day in 10 (approximately) that she "has" to shower when her daughter is awake. Sorry one day in 10 anyone can miss a shower rather than letting a child get in that state
I always had a daily shower when my DC were little. If i didn't get in before they woke i just popped them in their cot until i was done. If they cried then they cried. It wasn't as if i was away for ages. Then it meant that we would all be ready for the day ahead and could go out and do nice things. They have not been emotionally scarred in any way by this and they also learned that a daily shower was a good thing so their personal hygiene is very good.
I use a portable DVD player and put her favourite nursery rhymes on while she's in the cot. If she didn't like TV you could try singing in the shower with her in the room so you can keep an eye on her (I'm way too short sighted without my glasses for this to work though. I'd worry about my escape artist DD ending up down the loo). A friend of mine puts her LO in a chair and passes fish from a bag in the shower to her DD outside the shower.
It's the one thing I've been determined to do - one shower in the morning so I understand that you feel you need it, but it's not relaxing if they're screaming. Could you wait until she naps?
ds though content would often cry when i had to do something
i always went to him when he cried (on my own too) but at times i had to get on with things so he cried but no long lasting damage i would just have a headache
it does get better let her cry have your shower and do not feel guilty she will be fine and you will be clean
PS. One nice thing I heard was if you've got 1 child, parent like you've got 3 so you make the most of it and they feel they can be have a bit of space.
Amen to boysrule.
A few minutes of crying isn't going to hurt her. I just used to pop them in the cot.
I did learn how to shower super quick though
i would try and do it more often so she gets used to it she will soon understand that mummy will return its an important part of development
ds pulled himself out of his cot at 9 months, sheer determination to not be ignored (how i have no idea) when i had to leave him in there as i needed to make a very important phone call
I think you should plan to have a shower when she's awake so she can get used to it. Perhaps every couple of days. Make them days when you don't have to shave or do anything more than the bare minimum so you're not in the shower too long. Towel on, cuddle and calm her down then put her down and get dressed.
She'll get used to it soon enough.
How about a quick bath and put her in with you. Mine love this and it means they are entertained whole I get washed.
I don't understand how you do other things. Does she get as upset over you leaving her to go to the toilet or is it something about the shower that bothers her?
Take her in the shower with you! DD loves splashing about with a little bucket and some Duplo animals while I shower.
I wouldn't shower if it meant her getting that hysterical. My DD -- now 16 months -- has always been a clingy baby and I have just had to adapt (as well as manage my own expectations of my beauty routine!). The suggestion of a bath instead is a good one. Even if your baby isn't comfortable standing yet she should be happy to sit at one end of a bath whilst you have a quick wash. At 14 months I expect it is only a very short matter of time before she'll be happy to stand in the shower and splash with you and then things will be much easier. My DD will sometimes play at the side of the shower but if she's feeling particularly needy, she just gets in with me.
I'd keep showering with her close by in the bathroom, and you talking or singing while you do it. My baby used to cry himself hysterical in similar circumstances, but now, at 15 months, he's happy to potter about stamping on toothpaste and waving to me through the glass.
Also at 14 months, I couldn't have left DD in the cot (she's 17 months now), she would have flung herself over the side and got injured. I wouldn't risk that.
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