to let dd cry while I shower?

(123 Posts)
BusyLizzie99 Sat 20-Jul-13 12:37:11

90% of the time I manage to get up and showered before 14 month old dd wakes but sometimes (like today) she wakes uncharacteristically early. She hates me showering and despite putting toys out etc, taking her in bathroom so she can see me she screams the entire time. Dp sometimes works away so him taking her isn't an option. She isn't interested in tv and to be honest I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her unsupervised even if she was. AIBU to just get it over and done with? Obviously I have to wash but am open to suggestions of what you do with your similar aged children? Have tried bathing with her but she wants me to hold her the entire time and she only naps when out walking.

Sirzy Sat 20-Jul-13 12:39:25

If it is just odd days that she is awake before you can shower then I would just not have a shower that day r have one when she has gone to bed at night. Much less stressful for everyone!

BusyLizzie99 Sat 20-Jul-13 12:41:34

I'd feel grim all day with no shower in this heat though - plus we co-sleep so hard to escape her at night for a shower too.

RoooneyMara Sat 20-Jul-13 12:41:35

I wouldn't shower then - do it at night instead when someone is there to hold her.

Sorry. I am not very clean though grin (6 month old here)

RoooneyMara Sat 20-Jul-13 12:42:18

Oh sorry if he's away, can you just have a quick wash instead? I can shower in under a minute if necessary but often do not bother.

BusyLizzie99 Sat 20-Jul-13 12:43:04

Sometimes there isn't someone here to hold her for 5 days though :-/

Mogz Sat 20-Jul-13 12:43:15

Oh dear, I used to do that too my poor DM. Her tactic was to pop me back in my cot and stick the Hoover on outside the door hoping the white noise would send me to sleep (or drown me out!).
If its not very often, how about a quick stand up wash at the sink whilst singing songs or chatting to your DD?

Suzieismyname Sat 20-Jul-13 12:44:03

Put her on the floor in the bathroom with you. Give her a few toys/boots. Make sure it's safe and have a quick shower.
Believe me, once you have two or more DCs you become less precious about a few minutes of crying.
Don't feel guilty!

kritur Sat 20-Jul-13 12:44:08

Can she get in the shower with you? That's what I do with mine, she loves showers now.

what about a flannel wash at the sink?

i would do it if there was no choice, but not every time.

could you plonk her on the floor of the shower while you get washed?

BeenieBaby Sat 20-Jul-13 12:46:23

YANBU. I would go mad if I didn't ignore the dc for a few minutes to care for myself! Also I have young dc and often have to leave one to cry if I have to care for the other. E.g taking ds to the loo while dd wants me to hold her ALL the time.

BreadNameBread Sat 20-Jul-13 12:46:35

I would let her cry. It is ok to do. I can't stand it if I don't have a shower in the morning, it makes me feel uncomfortable especially if I am tired.
It won't do her any harm and she may learn not to do it.

I would put some loud music on, give her a snack and take my shower.

Good luck smile

BusyLizzie99 Sat 20-Jul-13 12:47:10

I have three Suzie! Just means she's then whingey while I get dressed etc too though.

Have tried her coming in too but she wants me to hold her/to stand and it's too slippery as she's not that steady on her feet yet. Just feel terrible seeing how.upset she is :-(

BusyLizzie99 Sat 20-Jul-13 12:48:45

Unique - my hair is greasy and disgusting by lunch time if unwashed though so I feel gross.

sweetsummerlove Sat 20-Jul-13 12:50:43

as an AP style mumma. I'll say this. Learn to shower quick..she may cry (so does ds) but you have to tend tp your own basic needs too. She can see you..she is safe. You can talk to her...it needn't be prolonged. xx

Suzieismyname Sat 20-Jul-13 12:50:50

You must be going crazy then... it'll probably be good for her, it's only a few mins. You need it so just do it.
It won't kill her!

BusyLizzie99 Sat 20-Jul-13 12:51:13

She was crying so hard this morning (for the ten mins it took me to shower and dress) that her body was 'heaving' afterwards if you know what I mean and she slept for 2 hours afterwards despite not long being up

catus Sat 20-Jul-13 12:52:20

Yanbu. Don't feel guilty. She's crying for a few minutes, so what ? It is really not a big deal.

Suzieismyname Sat 20-Jul-13 12:52:27

That was meant to be a sympathetic crazy wink

Fairylea Sat 20-Jul-13 12:53:12

I think when you have more than one dc you accept that a bit of crying and whingeing here and there is not the end of the world. I need to have a shower in the mornings too so I just do it (ds is 14 months). However generally he wakes at 5.30am, has a nap about 8ish so I have a shower then but sometimes I do have to put him in his playpen with the tv on and some toys in and just go and have a quick shower! He won't remember any of it,.it's only for 5-10 minutes, no different than if I need to go to the toilet or unload shopping!

How long does it take to shower?

Probably not more than a couple of minutes if you don't have the luxury of having a child free shower. It will feel like longer if your DC is crying but it won't be long really. If a wash isn't sufficient then you will just put up with the crying. It sounds a bit callous but it won't harm them if she can see and hear you. It isn't like you are abandoning her.

As Suzieismyname says, if you have more than one child, you do sometimes have to let one cry for a few minutes whilst dealing with another. You can't physically deal with 2 children at once sometimes and so the less urgent crying has to be ignored.

You may find if you just get on with it, without making a big fuss, she gets used to it. Sadly, my DC got over their fear of Hoovers after repeated exposures - it was a shame as I had no excuse to get out of Hoovering anymore.grin

Sirzy Sat 20-Jul-13 12:53:36

She was crying so hard this morning (for the ten mins it took me to shower and dress) that her body was 'heaving' afterwards if you know what I mean and she slept for 2 hours afterwards despite not long being up

If she is getting that wound up I would be buying some dry shampoo for the days you can't shower and just have a good wash down.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sat 20-Jul-13 12:54:25

Bath! I very often take 7 month DS into the bath with me. I then put his old baby bath (empty) next to the big bath. When I need to get out/rinse hair, I plonk him in there for 2 mins. He rolls around like a little hippo quite inelegantly but at least I know he is safe!

With a thirteen month old, could you leave her sitting in a shallow big bath for a second ( or the big bath, drained whilst you're in it) whilst you jump out and get towels etc? Prepared to be told that is very unsafe as not sure what you can and can't do at this stage.

KatOD Sat 20-Jul-13 12:57:19

It's fine, just shower quickly and crack on, she'll soon learn that it's just something that has to happen. you are allowed to have a few mins to yourself as a mum you know if your kids and safe!

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