to think their grandson should come first?

(59 Posts)
ems1910 Sat 20-Jul-13 00:45:26

More of a wwyd than an aibu!

ILs have a dog. A big one, a lovely big thing but who is big enough to knock me over, gets up on furniture and growls if people are cuddling :/ We have a baby due in November and we discussed between ourselves what we should say in order to reach a compromise when we visit. We understand that the dog is in his territory and needs to get accustomed to the baby etc. ILs have told us it is best we don't visit them when baby is born as the dog is there (they have a dog gate but won't use it) and it is also isn't hygienic in their house (clean it maybe?...sorry). AIBU in thinking this shouldn't be how it is? They have made it clear we aren't involving them enough in this pregnancy (they are buying the pram and we fill them in on all appointments/scans etc) but they are putting a barrier up to us visiting.

The other issue is that MIL won't be able to visit us as she is having a knee op fairly close to the birth and won't be able to climb our stairs for a while (6 flights).

I am really worried that this will result in arguments and I don't want that, it is upsetting me but at the same time I want to say it is their own fault if they can't see their grandchild for a while. I am happy to meet up out and about but can't say how long it would be until I would be able to go and sit in coffee shops, with my son I could have been out the next day but you never know.

I am getting so worked up over this. What would you say? TIA

ems1910 Sat 20-Jul-13 11:28:25

MidnightScribbler, thankyou. They were my thoughts too, esp thinking the dog would be happier without a screaming baby and me not wanting a dog jumping up next to me when I'm Bfing lol.

They know their own dog though and it's their decision. I'm just worried about upsetting people I guess smile

ems1910 Sat 20-Jul-13 11:34:58

Ninani. Thankyou. All points we have thought about. We won't get another mortgage at the moment which is why we are considering a buy to let option. I have known plenty of people manage on the top floor with not even a car to keep a pram in.

Don't want to derail this with our pram issue though.

ems1910 Sat 20-Jul-13 11:37:34

It's 3 floors so is that only 3 flights? Two sets of 6 or 7 for each floor. Either way, not the issue on this thread smile

HenWithAttitude Sat 20-Jul-13 11:41:08

OP it does sound a bit like you are over thinking this and looking for a problem. It sounds as if you will make it an issue.

They don't want you to visit immediately. You don't want to go. What is the problem?

You don't want them to visit. They can't. Where is the problem?

Skype them? Text them. E-mail pictures. Involved with minimal fuss. I can see that you're not comfortable with them and that's fine but don't blow it up bigger. Just relax and go with the flow

ems1910 Sat 20-Jul-13 11:48:35

Hen, I am over thinking it, it's what I do lol. Major flaw sad

However, I haven't said I don't want them to visit, we get on ok and the plan all along was they would be here asap once we had the baby but then MIL got her op date through and so we said that it's ok, we would just take baby over there for meet and cuddle (recovery permitting). They said no due to the dog and cleanliness. That's all the issue is.

Which when I read it back is a straightforward, that's the decision. I just don't want any upset at the time I guess smile

ems1910 Sat 20-Jul-13 11:53:13

Sorry, missed a bit off. I said before they want more involvement. We have been giving them scan photos, texting or ringing after appointments, talking to them about home birth etc as they had questions, they are buying us a pram and other bits so I do want to include them. I don't want to not involve them in any way smile

ems1910 Sat 20-Jul-13 11:53:30

Sorry, missed a bit off. I said before they want more involvement. We have been giving them scan photos, texting or ringing after appointments, talking to them about home birth etc as they had questions, they are buying us a pram and other bits so I do want to include them. I don't want to not involve them in any way smile

cocolepew Sat 20-Jul-13 11:54:26

I would leave it as it is, you and DH have been more than accomodating. I would be pissed of at the comment about not being involved enough.

I wouldn't be rushing out to meet in coffee shops either tbh. If they aren't willing to put the dog out of the room for an hour why should you go out of your way for them to see the baby?

After MIL knee is better she can visit.

ems1910 Sat 20-Jul-13 11:58:50

Cocolepew. My immediate thoughts were the same but OH said I'm stubborn so I'm trying hard not to be lol. Although I may have just been even more stubborn instead, hm :/

I think I look for problems so I can fix them right away rather then at the time, which is a time I'll want to enjoy.

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