Today my friend took her top off in a public place - to 'make a stand against all the men doing it' - and got told off! AIBU to think... I'm a total hypocrite/shit friend?

(86 Posts)
WhistlingNun Fri 19-Jul-13 23:09:24

I was out shopping with my friend today and we got ranting chatting about all the topless men walking around, and how annoyed i was that i got berated the other day by a complete stranger for letting 5yo dd take her top off (another story) - when my friend suddenly declared she'd had enough of it.

We stopped to get some ice cream and went to sit on a bench so she could feed her baby ds, too. Anyway, she took her whole top off, and she wanted me to bet with her how long it would take for someone to pull her up for fully exposing herself. She knew it was going to happen, and sort of seemed to be looking forward to it.

Anyway, I'm ashamed to say i was mortified. We were getting tons of looks. She stopped feeding her ds, put him back in his pram and sat for a few minutes with her top still off. She started waving at people who were looking at her and asking them if they wanted a picture.

Again, i was mortified and wanted the ground to swallow me whole. The more i asked her to put her top back on/cover up a bit, the more she laughed and seemed to determined to keep it off. She suggested we get up and continue shopping - i told her no chance until she puts her boobs away.

Anyway, we sat for a while longer and a man wearing a fluorescent coat came up (think he was a council worker as i could see his name badge a little) and said my friend ought to 'get dressed before she gets into trouble'.

Anyway, i found myself apologising. And i then pleaded with my friend to do what he said as she was really embarrassing me (still waving to everyone looking at her).

She accused me of having double standards. Why is it okay for the men to waltz about with their nipples showing, but not her? Why would i let my dd walk around with no top on the other day without embarrassment, but cringe when friend does it? etc etc. She said she's shocked by my attitude and that i'm not the confident person she thought i was.

Anyway, on reflection i feel i was being entirely unreasonable. I should have supported her. Especially after the humiliation of getting pulled up the other day because i'd let my daughter take her top off.

She had a huge rant about the council worker on FB and got lots of support from other women that she should have got up and carried on shopping with no top on. But then some people are saying she could have gotten 'done' for indecent exposure.

Anyway... i feel i ought to go round tomorrow and apologise. But at the same time, i think she was doing the waving and saying hello to the starers because she knew it was making me squirm.

Should we both apologise? Am i just a big fat hypocrite?

ImperialBlether Sat 20-Jul-13 13:34:25

I can't believe all these people saying the topless friend was great for doing that. She sounds unhinged to me. If she'd gone topless on a beach, that's one thing but to breastfeed your baby then take your top off on a bench in a shopping centre? I wouldn't be going shopping with her again!

Morloth Sat 20-Jul-13 13:53:52

If it is OK for men to do something then it is OK for women.

Either both are OK or neither.

Personally I prefer shirts on for both but hey why should people dress how I want them to?

It doesn't harm in anyway to see a bare chest so why does it matter?

BlingBang Sat 20-Jul-13 14:19:27

I prefer both sexes to wear tops in public areas. But hate that women are forced and made to feel their breasts are shameful and to be hidden away (unless the men decide it suits them like in mags and strip clubs). YANBU to feel uncomfortable I can't help admire your friend for challenging the status quo. Why can a man look at a women's breasts and more in a paper in public but the sight of actual breast in a non sexual setting is taboo. Crazy and time it was challenged.

TimeofChange Sat 20-Jul-13 14:54:05

Bling: I don't think we are taught that our breasts are shameful.

But I think we are taught that they are private.

If we walk round with breasts out, we will be walking round with out fannys on display next and blokes have their bits hanging out.

Covering our bodies does not equate with being ashamed of them.

BlingBang Sat 20-Jul-13 15:09:29

But men can go topless and women can't. Men's chests are deemed fine, healthy etc. Women are forced to cover theirs - why?

TimeofChange Sat 20-Jul-13 15:34:21

Most of us go along with convention. In general the following are the norm:

Women wear dresses and skirts.
Men don't.

Women wear high heels.
Men don't.

Women wear makeup.
Men don't.

Men's chests can be uncovered in public.
Women cover their nipples in public.

It's just the way it is.

Some men buck the trend - thinking of Grayson Perry.

I used to go to festivals in the 70s and quite a lot of women would be topless and a few men and women nude (depending on the weather).
But they would cover up to drive home!

The 70s was also the time when body hair was acceptable.
Many women had all their body hair intact.

EvaM Sun 21-Jul-13 01:31:59

Can't stop giggling about the notion that breasts were 'designed'.

And that it's SOCIETY who decides what we find sexually attractive. Nature doesn't do agendas (that doesn't mean you can't have any, though).

emmelinelucas Sun 21-Jul-13 01:51:57

Give her a grip, OP.
She's been rumbled.
smile
Thankyou for reading x

BrianTheMole Sun 21-Jul-13 01:55:55

Good for her, she sounds fab!

Hooray for your friend!

I hate it that women's breasts are seen as sexualised, shameful and need to be covered in public while men can wander about topless. Either everyone covers up or no-one has to!

FWIW, those saying that women's breasts are sex organs and erogenous - um, so are men's. I think most men find having their nipples played with as sexually stimulating as women do. But that doesn't stop them whipping them out in public.

RealAleandOpenFires Sun 21-Jul-13 02:21:02

Ok...a compromise then, I won't go topless wink I'm Male btw, but you Ladies have to agree to really embarrass men (with saggy moobs*) by talking loudly, laughing, pointing & guessing what cup size they are, then offering your old spare bras/bikini tops for them to use as they seem to be in need of them than you do. grin

*I really hate that word grrrr

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now