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DPs ex insisting on having MY address?

(217 Posts)
GirIFiend Fri 19-Jul-13 20:46:11

DP and I been together 10 months.

His DS who is 8 has always stayed with DP and DP's parents at their house which is where DP lived until 6 weeks ago when he moved in with me.

Last month DSS came to stay at my house to meet me and my DSes on his agreed contact weekend.

The plan was the same for this month but out of the blue DP's ex has texted saying she wants MY address or DSS will not be coming shock She says she has the right to know where her DS will be staying.

Can she insist on this?

StuntGirl Sat 20-Jul-13 16:58:09

He has moved house. It is only logical and sensible that he updates you with his new contact details. It matters not that the house he has moved into is his girlfriends house.

I would do the same thing as you.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 20-Jul-13 20:43:34

Parents don't have rights they have responsibilities.

Its a fundamental responsibility to be aware within reason of the location of your child and have on knowing where they are on a regular basis know they are safe.

PrettyPaperweight Sat 20-Jul-13 22:21:53

Its a fundamental responsibility to be aware within reason of the location of your child

What is the consequence of failing in that responsibility, sock?

I admit that I've done it for years, it never occurred to me that my DDs Dad should tell me when she spends a night at a sleepover with friends, or a weekend with grandparents hundreds of miles away.

My DP is guilty too, and I'm sure a lot of NRP are - he never knows whether his DCs are in their Mums care or someone else's; she works shifts so has a network of support - but DP is excluded from that - its reassuring to hear that the law would be on his side if he insisted on knowing where his DCs were regularly spending time.

JackNoneReacher Sat 20-Jul-13 22:45:20

So are they planning to tell your son that he is not to tell you where he has been for the weekend? Or will they blindfold him so he can't see the house number and street name?!

I completely see why you did a reverse AIBU. There are often different responses to Mums/Dads.

LookingForwardToMarch Sat 20-Jul-13 22:51:02

Depends..what kind of ex is she?

I also thought it was a reasonable request for dps ex to know my address....

That was until she turned up on my door, punched dp and got arrested. Then continued to harass me.

Now I don't care if her whole tribe comes to livr at my new house. Hell will freeze over before she gets our new address.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 20-Jul-13 23:02:32

Pretty,

The difference is you are talking about the odd occasion the op is talking about the usual place her child lives when on contact there are also clearly trust issues and more than likely valid ones. (Lack of previous unsupervised contact no nrp especially one whose prone to pulling shit like with holding addresses would put up with that if they knew there was no good reason).

God only knows what the consequences for failing in that are it was actually almost a word for word quote from the family law judge when my ex tried to pull the same stunt.

Ezio Sun 21-Jul-13 14:41:41

Has he actually even supplied DDs school with his contact details, because that would show hes a shit.

GirIFiend Sun 21-Jul-13 15:38:00

Well just to update this ridiculous saga..

I tried contacting ex's dad who has always been very decent with me even when ex and I have been at loggerheads. He has replied saying he doesn't have the address either and that for personal reasons (unspecified of course) the g/f doesn't want it shared but that in an emergency he would be able to get in touch with ex for me.

I'm not happy tbh. Not sure why the current g/f's 'personal reasons' trump my right and responsibility as the mother of ex's child but not sure what I can do...

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 21-Jul-13 15:41:41

You can be out if he shows up for contact if he has not provided you with an address by a few hours before collection.

Cravey Sun 21-Jul-13 15:42:36

If my 8 year old was staying in someone's home I too would want to know the address. I can't believe you even think this is wrong. Have you met the ex ? I think Yabu in fact I can't believe you think the ex is in the wrong. This is her child and ten months is not a long time to be in a child's life.

Cravey Sun 21-Jul-13 15:44:26

Having just realised this is a reverse thing I would not under any circumstances let my child stay somewhere without me knowing where he was. Don't let our child go its simple.

SoupDragon Sun 21-Jul-13 15:44:55

He has replied saying he doesn't have the address either

How has he moved in then? confused

SoupDragon Sun 21-Jul-13 15:47:06

Not sure why the current g/f's 'personal reasons' trump my right and responsibility as the mother of ex's child but not sure what I can do...

Well, she may have a stalker Ex and thus doesn't give her address out to people. Can't really think of another reason though.

JackNoneReacher Sun 21-Jul-13 15:47:13

cravey its a reverse aibu.

OP personally I wouldn't send him. You could just ask your son to tell you the address after his first visit. The FIL thing really isn't satisfactory.

Your ds must know where he is staying (when he's with them) if he gets lost he needs to be able to give someone the address he lives at.

Ezio Sun 21-Jul-13 15:51:24

Your ds must know where he is staying (when he's with them) if he gets lost he needs to be able to give someone the address he lives at.

^^That.

My DD is 6 and knows the number, road and village.

pianodoodle Sun 21-Jul-13 16:19:59

In that case I wouldn't let him go.

PrettyPaperweight Sun 21-Jul-13 16:57:21

OP Now, I'd be worried and having a frank conversation with ex.

If there are personal reasons why your ex's partner needs to keep her address confidential, it suggests she may be at risk (a violent ex, maybe?) and therefore your DC would be at risk too if he's staying there.

Of course, it could be that she's fiddling benefits or similar - but now your exFIL has explained, I'd want some assurances from ex before I was comfortable.

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