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DPs ex insisting on having MY address?

(217 Posts)
GirIFiend Fri 19-Jul-13 20:46:11

DP and I been together 10 months.

His DS who is 8 has always stayed with DP and DP's parents at their house which is where DP lived until 6 weeks ago when he moved in with me.

Last month DSS came to stay at my house to meet me and my DSes on his agreed contact weekend.

The plan was the same for this month but out of the blue DP's ex has texted saying she wants MY address or DSS will not be coming shock She says she has the right to know where her DS will be staying.

Can she insist on this?

scottishmummy France Fri 19-Jul-13 21:22:08

I don't have an ex.
But Were children were involved yes I'd expect to meet adults they'd be spending time with
I'd expect adults to cooperate and accept if children are spending time all adults need be cordial,feel safe handing over child

reelingintheyears Fri 19-Jul-13 21:23:58

I agree, i'd want to know where mine were.

Spero Fri 19-Jul-13 21:24:38

If my ex wanted my daughter to spend a lot of time with him and another woman I would like to know something about her, possibly even meet her.

Of course that would apply the other way round. How can you not want to know who is looking after your child? I would respect his right to want information and reassurance, just as I hope he would respect mine.

GirIFiend Fri 19-Jul-13 21:24:42

Well I think she has no business. And DP has sent her a message pointing out that obstructing contact due to plain nosiness would not be looked at favourably in court.

burberryqueen Fri 19-Jul-13 21:25:36

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BoyMeetsWorld Fri 19-Jul-13 21:25:45

Is this some sort of Fathers For Justice troll thread to get us all wound up or something?

I can't believe anybody could genuinely ask such a ridiculous question. If you are a mum yourself surely you understand how the other mum feels & their right to not only know where their child is but inspect it if they want.

Incredible.

burberryqueen Fri 19-Jul-13 21:26:16

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babyhmummy01 Fri 19-Jul-13 21:26:32

girlfiend are you for real??!! Would you allow the father of your kids to take the Christ knows where without question?

WafflyVersatile Fri 19-Jul-13 21:26:48

Does your DP know where his ex lives?

Most split parents know each other's addresses unless there is good reason not to.

WafflyVersatile Fri 19-Jul-13 21:26:59

Do you know where his ex lives?

scottishmummy France Fri 19-Jul-13 21:27:12

Why wouldn't a father want the mother of child to know where child is?
I think he's trying to wind the mum up,and you're the willing compliant new gf
I bet he told you his ex us a right cow?just think he left her.he can ,eave you too

Spero Fri 19-Jul-13 21:27:52

It's not plain nosiness, as has been explained to you.

And I cannot recall a case I have been involved in where a judge refused to allow ex to know address for overnight contact UNLESS harassment was involved.

Your partner sounds like a nasty prick.

Wishfulmakeupping Fri 19-Jul-13 21:28:48

Of course she has a right to know where her child is sleeping I'm with scottishmummy I'd be wanting to meet you before my child is staying at your house!!

WafflyVersatile Fri 19-Jul-13 21:28:56

If it was your DP visiting you with his DS then I'd see it differently. While he is in charge of his DS then he can take him here and there, without her having to know all their movements but this is her ex's home and her DC's 2nd home.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Fri 19-Jul-13 21:30:33

Nosiness? Seriously? Maybe she just wants to know where her child will be.

You sound horrible.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Fri 19-Jul-13 21:30:46

Is this a reverse AIBI?

Why would you be: shock at a mother wanting to know where her 8YO DS is staying overnight...?

georgedawes Fri 19-Jul-13 21:30:54

Ops user name suggesting a wind up

BoyMeetsWorld Fri 19-Jul-13 21:32:17

Apologies OP, but also looking at your previous threads (trying to decide if you were genuine or a troll who should be reported), I see as of July 2012, so only a year ago, you were posting about your DH.

So on the grounds of those dates if you've been with DP 10 months, you got with him minimum of 2 months after separating from DH. That's all VERY fast moving to now have another man living with you & your children and to be introduced to his DS who is now staying with you.

I think most courts would firmly understand his Ex wife's concerns, presuming there is no harassment reason why she shouldn't know the location.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Fri 19-Jul-13 21:32:52

And 'nosiness'...?!

This isn't about you. I'm sure she doesn't give two hoots about you and where you live. You're probably not that interesting to her.

She just wants to know where her 8YO is staying overnight.

Spero Fri 19-Jul-13 21:33:04

I do hope it's a wind up. However, I have met professionally and personally many, many people who act like this and have the emotional intelligence of a dead badger.

Dadthelion Fri 19-Jul-13 21:33:13

Nasty prick!

You can tell that from two posts that aren't even by him.

I've never really got this need to know addresses in case something happens. If something bad happened surely they wouldn't stay at the house.

But I can't really understand not giving out the address, and hasn't she heard of Google?

Maybe83 Fri 19-Jul-13 21:33:40

Great start to a parenting relationship! You have let some one move into your home with your kids and you ve met his child once? And yes I absolutely would want to know were my child was for visitation I would also want to meet you. Just like I have with my dd stepmother and just like my step sons mother has with me....to help create an as stable and healthy environment for my children both bio & step...

How incredibly immature of you both. How would your partner feel if his sons mother moved to a new location and refused to provide his child s address...?

Unless there is a history of dangerous violent behaviour this is not healthy parenting in my opinion.

Ezio Fri 19-Jul-13 21:33:51

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WineNot Fri 19-Jul-13 21:34:31

No business?

Oh dear. You're not very bright, are you?

alcibiades Fri 19-Jul-13 21:34:43

Having typed out a long reply, and then reading some of the responses, the OP could well be a wind-up, or a reverse AIBU, but having typed it, I'll post it anyway:

I'm not sure about this. I think I've read here that if a parent has parental responsibility, then where that parent exercises that parental responsibility is up to them, and the other parent doesn't have the right to refuse contact solely on the grounds that they don't know where that exercising of parental responsibility is taking place.

In this particular case, the father is just as much a parent as the mother is. I doubt any court would permit a mother to refuse contact on the grounds that she doesn't know where her child is when that child is with its father. And I doubt any court would insist that the mother should have the right to meet the stepmother.

Ultimately, and it's also the court's view these days, it's not about the adults (who only have responsibilities, not rights), it's about what is in the best interests of the child. Personally, I would think it would be in the best interests of an 8 year old to know that his mother knows where he is when he is with his father. An 8-year-old, being introduced to his father's new partner, and in a new home, could well find that quite a daunting transition, and some reassurance that his mum knows where he is could help him settle.

So, although I don't think the mother has the right, as such, to your address while the child is with his father, it is in the best interests of the child that there is as little conflict as possible between his parents over their responsibilities and his care. And on that basis, I think you should accede to the mother's request to know the address where you and the child's father live, which is where the boy will usually be when he's with his father.

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