To think its time to ban end of term presents?

(229 Posts)
Worriedmind Fri 19-Jul-13 09:25:15

There are kids crying in the playground this morning because mum can't afford.

News said 1 in 11 buy less food to buy a present.

1 in 4 felt pressured to do so.

Teacher ends up.with loads of stuff they don't really want.

Aibu to think there should be a blanket ban and that teachers would be horrified if a child had gone without food to buy a gift.

Instead children could be given time in last week to make caress gift.

Aibu

exoticfruits Sun 21-Jul-13 12:35:33

Maybe we are talking about very young children whose parents choose their play dates, party guests etc- this just doesn't work after about 7 yrs at the latest. They choose their own friends and it has nothing to do with mummy's playground politics - they must be sad women if they think children or other mothers are remotely bothered!

FunLovinBunster Sun 21-Jul-13 12:08:50

Yes clam it's obviously because I am as charming as your insinuation that I am to blame for other people ignoring me. Here's a biscuit for you.

clam Sun 21-Jul-13 11:59:16

Have you ever wondered if there might be another reason why they ignore you? I'm afraid the teacher-gift-thing just doesn't stack up for me.

FunLovinBunster Sun 21-Jul-13 11:41:49

Clam, yes to your first question. Elephants never forget!!
Second question, frankly I'm not arsed about it, but its not fair to drag children into it.

clam Sun 21-Jul-13 11:12:55

And if there are such women around, then why on earth would you want your child to go to theirs on a play-date?

clam Sun 21-Jul-13 11:11:22

You're saying that there are seriously people around who remember exactly how much you contributed to a teacher's gift the previous year, and will strike your child off the party circuit if it didn't pass muster?

Really???

FunLovinBunster Sun 21-Jul-13 11:06:52

Not penalised by staff....who know exactly whats going on re playground politics.
Penalised by the other parents ie they ignore you, they ignore your child, your child doesn't get invited to play dates etc etc.
It is SO pathetic.

exoticfruits Sun 21-Jul-13 10:30:39

Exactly clam- people never cease to amaze me!

clam Sun 21-Jul-13 08:50:14

ShimmeringBeauty "You think no attempts at bribery go on in schools? Imagine finding out that it was happening in your child's school - and that your child was on the losing end because you hadn't provided the £20 contribution. What would you do? Pay up? Or try to fight for your child to get treated the same as every other child?"

Where on earth do your children go to school? I have been teaching for 27 years, and I cannot imagine for one tiny moment such a scenario where children are penalised or discriminated against by staff because their parents hadn't given a gift. In fact, in primary, how would I even know who had given what the previous year, as it would have ben a different teacher. And I'd be hard-pushed to even remember who gave what at Christmas this year, although I was appreciative and thanked them profusely at the time.

HenWithAttitude Sun 21-Jul-13 08:04:17

In previous years I have given:
M&S gift voucher
Chocolate
Flowers
Wine
Strawberries and cream for whole staff room
Big tub of chops for whole staff room
Zero

I don't feel particularly pressured one way or another tbh. It's interesting to see the comments from teachers who appreciate the hand made cards. We will be doing that most definitely this year rather than buy one. As for a present... Not sure. Probably.

I have a teacher friend who feels like the OP. she works in a deprived school. She does not need or want endless chocs and she knows the families need that money more than she does. A hand made card is what she values

exoticfruits Sun 21-Jul-13 07:07:35

There is no such thing as an 'alpha mummy' except if someone wants to think of another woman like that- I wouldn't. I also can't see why on earth an 'alpha mummy' should have any effect on me and I certainly wouldn't let her 'push me' around.
I agree with clam- a school can't 'manage' something that is voluntary.
The most they could do is say not over a certain value, which would cut out the class collection ( not a bad thing). In my case it would be a bit silly to say 'not over £20' when I was spending £2!

clam Sun 21-Jul-13 00:00:01

Actually, mis-read that. If alpha mummies want to push other alpha mummies around, or play one-upmanship with each other, then let them get on with it. If they're trying to push their weight around to "normal" mums, then just ignore. I'm frankly shock at all the wimpy people on here complaining that they feel "forced" to do things. You want to give a gift for your child's teacher? Go ahead. You don't? Then don't.

Why on earth should schools waste their time "managing" something that should be entirely voluntary. How grabby would that sound? "No gifts valued in excess of £20 can be given to teachers." All that's going to do is make people think "crikey, I can't afford 20 quid."

clam Sat 20-Jul-13 23:54:58

"Just another way for alpha mummies to push other mummies around"

So what? Fine, let them get on with it. Why would that affect you?

exoticfruits Sat 20-Jul-13 22:19:12

I haven't taught in schools with 'alpha mummies' or sent my DCs to schools with about, thankfully.

FunLovinBunster Sat 20-Jul-13 20:53:13

Yes to banning gifts.
Just another way for alpha mummies to push other mummies around, and the gift is rendered totally devoid of any meaning....

MamaBear17 Sat 20-Jul-13 20:42:37

I am a teacher and I have kept every single card I have ever been given. I have been teaching 10 years. Presents are completely unnecessary (although always appreciated). The cards, however, make my day.

courgetteDOTcom Sat 20-Jul-13 19:24:32

I hope no teacher believes I let my children make fudge themselves!

The difference between teachers and lots of other professions listed is none of them spend the time that teachers do with us. Someone mentioned SJA, I think the difference between an MIC and leader elsewhere is it's usually not just one night a week and you tend to build more of a relationship than you do elsewhere because even as a 12 great old you're going too be working with and really on your MIC and others in the div. IME anywaysmile ohh and not breaking means you only have Christmas to think aboutgrin

Suzieismyname Sat 20-Jul-13 16:19:03

Don't ban it. We had a voluntary collection for 2 teachers plus TA in DD1's class. £3 per family so the teachers got 2 bottles of wine each and a small pack of smellies. Hardly over the top! I didn't chase for money and signed the cards from the whole class. I think the teachers appreciated the sentiment!

exoticfruits Sat 20-Jul-13 16:07:35

The kids in the playground were probably crying because the parent told them bluntly they couldn't afford it. If they told them they couldn't afford it but they would sit down with them and help make a card I doubt whether they would be crying. Some parents are very cruel, I have seen children go proudly out with their treasured junk model for the parent to just moan about 'more junk'!

exoticfruits Sat 20-Jul-13 16:03:06

If you can't afford it and you know that your DC is going to be upset then you sit down with DC and make a really special card and tell the DC it is the present teachers like best- it is the one unanimous thing on here- rather than ban it for everyone.

Llareggub Sat 20-Jul-13 14:35:54

I don't bother with a gift at the end of term but I do out effort into the many fundraising things that go on. It gets expensive, we've had 2 bakes sales in the last month and the summer fair. My DCs are pretty oblivious though. This might change.

Gullygirl Sat 20-Jul-13 14:29:38

I am in Australia, our end of school year is December.
I always have a chuckle at the parade of Gingerbread Houses,each one taller than the last,that are lugged in by the lookatmemums.
My two make cards and buy something small they have chosen themselves.

looseleaf Sat 20-Jul-13 13:49:48

I stressed this as every year there's a collection for vouchers and I made it quite clear it was for those who wanted to contribute ie optional. Also got all the children to write their own note to stick on a thank you card

DamnBamboo Sat 20-Jul-13 13:41:59

I don't think an act of giving needs to be managed at all.

Give or don't give, it's based on free will.

Worriedmind Sat 20-Jul-13 13:37:41

DamnBamboo if you read what I wrote in later posts I said that it needed to be managed better not banned completely.

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