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about this card from my MIL?

(32 Posts)
Mizza76 Thu 18-Jul-13 19:27:02

I just read the card my mother in law gave my 7-year-old for her birthday.
It read, "to my favorite 7-year-old granddaughter," and was signed, "from your favorite grandmother".
My mother died nearly 5 years ago. My daughter adored her and we talk about her the whole time.
I am so upset. AIBU? And WWYD?
(I have a rocky relationship with my MIL anyway btw but I mostly let things slide. I can't think of anything she's done, ever, that has upset me as much as this.)

curlew Fri 19-Jul-13 06:15:12

And saying anything to your MiL about it, unless you are really really sure it was done deliberately to upset you, would be so upsetting for her- the sort of thing you wake up in the night kicking the sheets in mortification about for months. Please don't......

sue52 Fri 19-Jul-13 09:48:31

It was a little insensitive but I think your MIL was just picking up on the card's wording. If she knew she had upset you, she would most likely be horrified. I'd just try to put it behind you.

pennefab Fri 19-Jul-13 18:04:37

My DC have no real grandmother in their life. My mother hasn't seen in 2.5 yrs, no birthday cards, etc. (seen DC 4 times total in past 10 years. And yes, visits ate do able, i try but get the not convenient for them response). DP's mother died almost 20 years ago. Widowed GF/FIL has had a GF for 16 years. She is closest to a GM my DC will ever have. I would LOVE for this woman to send my DC such a card. She is kind, but her "real" GC take precedent in her life. Sigh... Seems the GP fall short of our expectations ... Even if no ill intent meant.

starrystarryknut Fri 19-Jul-13 19:58:13

Pennefab I am a step-GM like your DP's DF has - and have been permanent partner for 15 years, since before birth of GC. I love my GC, but I would never send a card/offer to babysit (I would love to!!) because I am scared of being thought to try and tread in the shoes of deceased loved-one "real" GM. It's a hard road to navigate. Maybe she is trying to be kind and respectful (I am). Maybe I'm in the wrong... now feel worried...

pennefab Sat 20-Jul-13 20:23:47

Starrystarrynut - you sound fabulous. And I bet the children & grandchildren truly love you and appreciate your sensitivity. And you gave me another perspective to think about (actually, we all love step-gm - I just never considered the soft approach she can take may be due to her not wanting to be perceived as overstepping boundaries). Thank you, starry!

Cakebaker35 Sat 20-Jul-13 20:26:26

Curlew has said it all, totally agree and very sorry for your loss OP

FirstStopCafe Sat 20-Jul-13 21:36:53

YANBU. My mum passed away 5 years ago and will never know my children. I would be upset if my mil wrote that in a card even if it was an innocent comment. The fact my mum won't get a chance to be the wonderful grandmother I know she would have been saddens me every day.

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