My parents divorced when I was 3 and I went to live with my mum, she was completely penniless so, we ended up living in her friend's house. After three years of extreme hard work she managed to rent a place for us and although my mum barely had any free time she did her best by me. After she divorced my father, she got together with her DP and has been with him ever since. He's a lovely person, together with my mum they worked hard and became quite successful and raised me and my siblings (who are much younger than me, never suffered any hardships) into happy and stable adults.
So, where was my father in all of this?
Well, the custody agreement forced my mum to leave me with him every other weekend. During that time, he did to me basically what made my mum leave him, he was neglectful and uncaring. He would leave me by myself in his apartment for hours, or he would leave me at my aunt's house and collect me just minutes before dropping me at my mum's with giving me a change of clothes or a tooth brush.
A few years later he got together with his current wife, who wasn't exactly a fan of mine, and things got worse. I got so sick of it that when at 14 I found out that I could refuse spend weekends and holidays with him I jumped at the chance and my life got immediately better.
I still had to visit him occasionally and on one of those occasions he managed to quash my already tiny ego by telling me that I wasn't good enough to study abroad. Making people feel tiny was always one of his special gifts.
For years we barely communicated, just the occasional phone call and dinner whenever I went back to my country. However that changed when I had DS, all of the sudden he called all the time, I mean all the time! So, I stopped answering the phone, he started calling DH, who stopped answering his calls, then he resorted to texts and facebook, eventually I blocked him and got an angry text.
I was tired of it that I sent him a message where I poured my heart out and told him that I didn't want to dealt with him any more, that my mum's DP was the one who raised me and was always there for me, that if he never was a proper father to me he didn't deserve to be a grandfather to my son. I don't want him to belittle my son like he did me and my siblings on his side.
After he got the message he called my mum and asked if I was mentally unstable and started sending more messages saying that he never realised that I felt like that about him but, never owning up to anything.
I know that a message was a bad way to do this, and I have talked to him and shown him DS apologised for that but, not for the content.
He's not a bad person, he's just a bad father. I'm lucky that he didn't raise me as I can see the results in my siblings. My brother suffers from aspergers and tried to commit suicide several times and my sister as her self confidence completely damaged from years of berating.
Sometimes I think that maybe he suffers from aspergers himself, as I have never met someone as blind to other people's feelings as him.
Sorry, for the long rant...
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
To just want to be left alone? (Sorry long post)
20 replies
MiauMau · 17/07/2013 20:02
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.